Mother-in-Law: Tales from the Heart of Family Life

Violet Spencer never believed in closed doors. Anything hidden from her would be uncovered, pulled out, and examined from every angle. She could reach anyone, any secret.

James, where did you put my slippers?

In the left pocket.

Theyre not here, Ethel said, feeling the coat pocket.

Come on, look again.

Theyre still not here.

Ethel and James were about to fly to Ethels mothers cottage for a weekend visit. Violet, Ethels motherinlaw, knew about the trip, but the couple had breathed a sigh of relief when they realized Violet would be away that day. The inspector who would have inspected their suitcases had already left for a friends house.

Then were on our own. Your mum will surely have her slippers. Its time we went, James said.

At that moment Violet entered the hallway. Two suitcases lay on the floor as if a small sprint had taken place there.

Where are you off to? she asked, setting a heavy grocery bag on the side table.

Ethel, tying the laces of threeyearold Toms shoes, gave James a chance to speak to his mother.

We told you, mum, James began, Ethel reminded you yesterday that were heading to Canada for a week to see her mother. Tom needs to meet his second grandmother. Hes three now and has only ever seen her in photographs.

Ethel adjusted Toms hood. Yes, Violet, I miss my mother. It will do Tom good to change scenery and meet his grandmashe wants to see her grandchild too.

Violet tried to recall a remark about a visit, but she had assumed Ethel would travel alone, without Tom and James.

She could watch the grandchild on video, Violet said, but that wont do. I remember you, Ethel, saying youd go without Tom. Fine, Ill let James go, but Tom is too small for such a long journey. Youre taking my grandson to another country without my consent. That should have been discussed beforehand.

They had indeed discussed it; Violet simply hadnt heard.

James clenched Ethels elbow as she tried to answer, then interjected, Whats there to argue about, mum? Were not sending him to space. Well stay a week, spend time with your family, and be back in a flash. Weve already talked about this.

I see no reason to haul a child that far, Violet replied.

Its a meeting with my mother, Ethel snapped, less delicate than James, eager to defend herself.

The boy will grow, then hell meet her, Violet muttered.

Were leaving now, James said.

Violets tone hardened. Canada? Oh, rightyour mother lives there, got married there, didnt she? Still, I cant approve. Its so far! What if Tom falls ill while youre there? Do you know a good doctor? Here Tom sees Dr. AnneSophie, trusted by me for years. In a foreign land youd go to the first doctor you find? No, you travel alone and I keep Tom with me.

Shed rehearsed this argument countless times, as if she didnt trust Jamess son either.

You could just take the suitcases and go, James thought, she wont stop us.

Ethel tried again. Violet, were not newborns! First, my mum knows many doctors; she worked in a hospital herself. Second, well call you every day, send photos, update you on Tom. Third, well be back in a week. Dont make a tragedy out of this.

James echoed, Dont worry, mum. Everythings under control. If anything happens well let you know straight away and return immediately.

Violet fell silent for a heartbeat, then rasped, Fine. But you must call every day, and I want to talk to Tom myself! If anything goes wrong, you come back at once!

They hurried away, eager to leave the zone of heightened tension.

The flight went smoothly. Tom fussed a little at first but behaved admirably afterward. Ethel, however, seemed drained.

Why so glum? her mother asked, handing her a towel for the dishes. The guests had already left, drinks finished, and James and Tom were fast asleep.

More than moral support, Ethel muttered.

Whats the matter? her mother pressed, stacking glasses.

Mom, how did you handle your motherinlaw? Ethel asked, almost spilling the plates.

Dont ask, her mother replied, we got along, became friends. You dont remember your own grandmother? She could talk anyone into anything.

Ethel sighed. Violet and I are like cat and dog. Outwardly were polite, we dont argue, but the tension never leaves. She worries about Tom, doesnt trust us. If she could, shed raise him herself.

Her mother tried to soothe her, Shes just scared of a new person. You and your grandmother are chatty, shes more reserved. If she worries about the grandson, that means she loves him. Dont fight her; things will sort themselves out.

Ethel didnt argue, but a spark for conflict always lingered.

Back in London, Ethel decided to return to her teaching job at a secondary school, hoping work would keep her busy and perhaps soften things with Violet. She also needed a nursery for Tom.

Whats this advertisement? James asked.

A private nursery. Were looking after Tom while Ethel works.

Ethel slapped her forehead. I cant just drop him into a nursery! Hes only two!

Violet, as always, reacted instantly. A nursery at two? Why not send him straight to work? Hes practically a grownup! she shot, her stare drilling into Ethels back. Hes far too young! Who will watch him?

The caregivers will, Ethel replied.

James reminded her, You sent me to a nursery at two, didnt you?

Violet snarled, I had no choice! I raised you alone, needed to work! Times were different. Now who inspects these private nurseries? Who gives them permission? The neighbour turned three flats into a nursery! Are those conditions even normal?

Ethel stayed silent; that was the very nursery they were considering.

A long debate unfolded. Ethel argued that Tom would make friends, learn independence, and that many families did the same. James backed her, saying Tom was old enough to be interested.

He needs peers, Ethel said.

He needs his mother! Violet retorted. You should sit with him.

For how long? Until hes eighteen? James asked.

Until five at least, Violet snapped.

You think its okay, Violet. You sent James to a nursery at two, your mother sent you at one and a half. In your day mothers stayed with children until school.

Violet declared that children should not be torn from their mothers early. We all went to clubs and nurseries from the age of one. If not in a nursery, we roamed the streets unsupervised. Is that good? Ill watch him myself! she said decisively.

In the end Violet won. Ethel stayed home with Tom, postponing her return to work. The dream of a career remained distant.

It wasnt hard for Ethel to stay with Tom; it was hard to meet Violets exacting standards.

Ethel, how did you dress him? Hell freeze! Violet warned.

Its warm outside.

For a baby? No.

Life turned into an endless cycle of instructions, advice, and reproaches. Violet controlled everything: what Tom wore, what he ate, when he slept, where they walked.

One evening, watching Violet mash a banana for Tom, Ethel finally snapped.

James, help is wonderful but theres a limit.

Whats happened? he asked.

Your mother is suffocating us with her meddling. She snatched the banana from my hand and gave Tom porridge instead. He wanted the whole fruit! He can eat a banana at two, but she wont let him.

Tell her to stop, James suggested.

Go and tell her, Ethel sighed, she wont listen to you either. We tried living with your mum and it was impossible. We need to move.

James replied, I know, love. Its hard for me too. But if we leave, shell keep calling, showing up, staying the night. Better to endure her in this flat than in a cramped studio.

Then what?

James thought, Lets wait a bit. Tom will grow, shell relax, maybe we can move later.

The situation hardly changed. Violet still wielded the reins, and Ethel kept battling hopelessness. She wanted a normal relationship, yet the urge to flee grew louder. How could she persuade James?

James, how do those shoes look with that lipstick? Ethel asked.

On Friday they planned to visit friends who also had a toddler about Toms age. Ethel craved an evening out.

Youre beyond praise, James replied.

Violet was glued to the television, bingewatching a soap, when she heard the rustle of preparations.

Mom, were off to Oliver and Natalies, James announced, pulling on his coat, Tom will come too, let him play with Nik.

Finally some playtime with peers, Ethel whispered.

Violet appeared, Why bring a child? Its noisy, there are many people He needs to sleep, not wander at night!

James sighed, expecting another lecture on proper parenting.

Mom, let him mingle with other kids since you wont let us put him in a nursery, he pleaded, and we need a break.

Yes, were exhausted, Ethel admitted.

Dont start, love, Violet warned. Well be back by nine, the boy will be home at eight.

Ethel, sensing the evening would be ruined, promised Violet that theyd call and return on time. Like Cinderella, they would watch the clock. Tom played and fell asleep in the playroom, no worse than at home. Night fell, but Ethel and James lingered.

Violet, as promised, stared at the clock, waiting for the call. She finally rang herself, repeatedly. James, not wanting to ruin his night, switched off his phone.

James, please, just one night, Ethel pleaded before the handset went dead, I just remembered what life feels like.

Im not heading back yet. Tom seems asleep. Lets stay a little longer. Mother will survive one more night.

Morning began poorly. Violet, ignoring Ethel and James, ate breakfast alone in her bedroom.

Mom, are you seriously still upset about this? Ethel asked.

Did someone say something? Violet replied, pushing James away.

Total silence.

Ethan didnt feel the need to apologise; there was nothing to apologise for. They visited friends once in a while; Tom was fine. Then strangers arrivedtwo women in crisp suits.

Good afternoon, one said, flashing an ID, were from Childrens Services. We need to inspect the childs living conditions.

James tried to block them; Ethel prepared to protest, but Violet shouted, Its my flat, let them in! You have no idea how terrified I am for my grandson. These people drag kids around, feed them any old thing, and the child never sleeps properly. How is that acceptable?

The officers entered, listened politely, inspected the flat, and spoke with Tom.

Everything seems in order, the senior officer said, but you, madam, might consider a calming tea. You take everything to heart.

When the door closed, Ethel exploded, James, hold me, I cant defend myself! James grabbed her shoulders, Did you really call Childrens Services because we spent an evening at friends? What if they start finding faults now?

Violet, still fuming, answered, I did everything right. Youre not fit to raise your son. Both of you are irresponsible. Hell be taken away and Ill become his guardian. Hell finally see a proper life, not drunken nights! I love him, you just want to offload him to a nursery or friends.

Are you out of your mind? Ethel asked.

Im not! Violet retorted.

Ethel seized Tom and fled to the bedroom, James, pack our things. Were not staying here any longer!

Ethel Mum was overworried yesterday, she acted on nerves

Ethel said nothing more about her mother. Im moving to Manchester, she announced, Dads old flat is empty. Youll come with us or stay with your mum?

James gave no answer.

She gave Tom an hour, then left. She quickly packed essentials, called her father, and told him theyd be arriving soon. James could not muster a reply.

At the Manchester station, a week after the move, a stranger approached from behind and covered Ethels eyes.

James! she heard, turning to see roses.

Forgive me, he whispered, for doubting you. I see now that you were right. Mother she simply cant live without us, but I cant live without you.