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My Childhood Friend Came to Visit—She Chose Not to Have Children, Preferring to Live for Herself and Now at 60 Has No Regrets About Her Life Choices
An old childhood friend of mine came for a visit. She never had childrenshed decided long ago not to. She wanted to live life entirely for herself.
Today, I met up with her for the first time in ages. Were both sixty now. After we finished university, she packed her bags straightaway and left our little town. For a while, we kept in touch by writing letters, but eventually the contact faded.
It was only through mutual friends that I heard how shed spent the years travelling, never settling in one place for long, and changing partners more than once. By the time she reached fifty, she was already on her third husband, but that marriage ended too. She had never had any children, and I couldnt quite understand why. After all, most women I knew had at least one childif things didnt work out with a man, there was still a child and, eventually, grandchildren to dote on.
Now shed come back to our quiet English town, needing to sell off her last remaining bits and pieces. Shed been renting a flat for a while.
We met in a cosy café and talked about all sortsabout her adventures, about my family, about life in general. At some point, I asked her, Tell me, why did your life turn out like this? Why didnt you ever have children, even just for yourself? Whos going to bring you a cuppa when youre old and grey?
She laughed heartily and replied, A cuppa? Honestly, do you think your children will really look after you? Thats not how it works anymore. Children have their own livesmost dont look after their ageing parents. Its easier to save up and pay for a good carer, rather than burden your kids and plead for help.
I never had a child because I didnt want to. I never fancied spending my life fretting over someone, looking after others, always worrying, handing over my money. I chose to devote my life to myselfto travel, to see the world, and to make my own way. My husbands only left because I refused to be pushed into motherhood.
Even now, I live exactly as I please. I dont have to mind grandchildren or scrimp my pension to support grown-up children who cant stand on their own feet.
So no, I have no regrets. If anything, I feel for those who had a brood of kids, only to find themselves alone in the end, perhaps even blaming their children for moving away or not visiting. Ive spared myself all that.
As I listened, I realised she might be right. Why force yourself into having children or worrying yourself sick if you truly dont want to? Why pin all your hopes on the thought that one day your children will be there for you, when there are no guarantees?
Sometimes, living true to your heart and taking responsibility for your own happiness is the bravest and wisest path of all.
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