“My Grandchildren Only Get Fruit Once a Month, While I Buy Gourmet Food for My Cats”—My Daughter-in-Law Fumes and Accuses Me of Heartlessness… My daughter-in-law tried to shame me because her children only get fruit once a month, while I treat my cats to quality food. What she overlooks is that children have a mum and dad to care for their nutrition, but my cats only have me. When I once suggested that my son and his wife slow down on having children, they told me to mind my own business. So I did. Now I feed my cats and listen to my ever-indignant, child-devoted daughter-in-law.

My grandchildren only see fruit once a month, yet she buys those cats of hers the most expensive food! my daughter-in-law snaps, accusing me of being heartless.

Shes tried to guilt me about how rarely her children eat fruit while I buy quality food for my cats. Theres a small detail she misses, though: those children have both a mother and a fatherthey should provide them with a balanced diet. My cats only have me. When I once suggested to my son and his wife that perhaps it was time to consider slowing down the constant childbearing, I was swiftly told not to meddle in their private affairs. So now I dont. I look after my cats and endure my ever-indignant daughter-in-law.

My sons wedding happened when his wife was already pregnant. Of course, they claimed the wedding was all about true love, and the baby was a happy accidentsimply a coincidence. I was sceptical, but kept my opinions to myself. After all, my son was an adulthe could face his own consequences.

Before maternity leave, my daughter-in-law worked as a cashier. Throughout her pregnancy, she was constantly off sick, complaining that dealing with the public left her exhausted, as customers were always trying to start arguments. She herself isnt the most patient or mild-mannered person, so I did believe the clashes were real.

What sort of temperament my sons wife had didnt really bother me, as we lived apart. I had my own flat, and my son and his wife had their own, bought with a mortgage. He bought it shortly before the wedding; we had previously lived together in a three-bedroom flat that I owned. We sold it and I bought myself a one-bed, while my son put his share towards the deposit on a three-bed and took out a mortgage.

Why do you need a three-bedroom right now? Youll be paying so much extra! I tried to reason with him, before he confessed the upcoming wedding. After that, everything made sense.

My son covered the mortgage himself, as his wife was usually on sick leave and quickly heading for maternity leaveso no income from her. Not that this stopped her from spending, which meant they were always skint.

I did my best to keep out of their way, to avoid being blamed for anything. My son chose this woman, so she must suit him. They lived separately from meno need to share a bathroom or kitchenso who was I to interfere?

His new home was close to mine, so my son would often pop in after work for supper. His wife wasnt keen on cooking, always saying smells made her nauseous, and maybe she wasnt lying.

When my first grandchild arrived, I thought Id be helpfulfirst baby and all that. But I was quickly and rather bluntly told that she could manage, thank you very much, and had the internet and her own mother for advice. Fine by me, I wasnt desperate. Since then, I only visited to see my grandchild, play a bit, bring treats, and never offered to help again.

Covering the mortgage, wife and child wasnt easy for my son, but he coped, never complainedhe knew hed chosen his path. I could only offer him a hot meal and reassurance that things would improve once the baby was older and his wife went back to work.

But she had no intention of returning to work after maternity leave. When their eldest was nearly two, she was soon pregnant again. I hinted they might want to slow down and think about Englands declining birth rate another time, but received a rebuke.

Best keep your nose out of our business! We manage fine. We dont ask you for help! she declared.

My son mumbled something about child benefit, how it would help, and I thought to myself, if thats what they want, who am I to interfere? My relationship with her was never exactly warm, and after her admonition, I cut my interactions with her to almost none. My son brought my eldest grandchild to visit, but I kept my distance otherwise.

I got on with my life, they got on with theirs. My son often complained that they were strapped for cash, and his stories hinted at arguments at home. But what was I supposed to say? Get a divorce? Speak with your wife? Change job? Lifes not that simple.

Eventually, the second child was born. I wasnt involvednot even invited to collect them from the hospital. I was hurt but wouldnt force myself where I wasnt wanted. Whats the point in being a laughingstock, if my daughter-in-law has decided how she feels about me, and my son wont say a word in my defence?

It wasnt until my second grandchild was seven months old that I met himgraciously allowed to attend the eldests birthday. I brought presents for both, and some food, knowing the young couple werent well-off. I stayed for a couple of hours, left, while my daughter-in-law paraded around with a stony expression, as if she was doing me a tremendous favour.

Im far too old to chase after a conceited young woman or beg for her approval. So I never imposed on them with my visits, and they never made an effort to invite me. I only saw my eldest grandchild when my son brought him round; his brothers mother still wouldnt let him visit me.

The familys money troubles didnt disappear. Putting the child benefit towards their mortgage hardly solved their problems. My son increasingly told me his wife couldnt manage money at all, and he wasnt some oil baron himself. And once again, I held my tongue.

Recently, I bumped into my daughter-in-law at the shops, and I noticed she was pregnant again. She poked her nose in my shopping basket.

Well, isnt that typical! The grandchildren only see fruit once a month, but shell buy expensive food for her cats, she nearly spat, before dragging the eldest out of the shop.

And whos to blame that I can afford decent food for my pets while they cant buy fruit for their children? She knows money is tight, theres a mortgage, my sons job isnt going well, but she just keeps having babies. Why not get a job and buy fruit herself? Why should that be my problem?

I wouldnt be surprised if she bans me from seeing the grandchildren entirely nowapparently, Im the wrong sort of grandmother because I dont hand over all my savings to my sons family. People ought to live by their own wits, but clearly, my daughter-in-law has none. Worst of all, it seems my sons no better.