“My Grandchildren Only See Fresh Fruit Once a Month, But She Buys Expensive Food for Her Cats!”: My Daughter-in-Law Accuses Me of Being Cold-Hearted for Putting My Pets First, but I Won’t Let Her Guilt Me into Supporting Their Growing Family

My grandchildren only see fresh fruit once a month, yet she spends a fortune on fancy cat food, my daughter-in-law snarled the last time we spoke, laying into me over what she calls my cold indifference.

Shes been trying to shame me lately because she cant afford fruit for her children very often, while I buy proper food for my two cats. But heres the thing: her children have both a mother and a father who ought to be looking after their diet. My cats, on the other hand, only have me. When I suggested to my son and his wife that perhaps it was time to slow down on expanding their brood, I was told in no uncertain terms that it was none of my business. Now, I dont interfere. I feed my cats their decent food and listen to the grumblings of my ever-maternal daughter-in-law.

Their wedding happened when she was already expecting their first child. Of course, both insisted it was a wedding for love and the pregnancy was just a coincidence. Right. I raised an eyebrow at the time but held my tongue. At the end of the day, my son is an adult, responsible for his own life choices.

Before going on maternity leave, my daughter-in-law worked as a cashier at the local supermarket. Pretty much all through her pregnancy, she was constantly off sick, complaining that dealing with people and the inevitable daily confrontations was too much for her. Shes not exactly easy-going or patient herself, so I dont doubt she found the work grating.

Honestly, I never cared too much about her temperament, given we lived separately. I had my own little flat and my son and his wife were in a new place, bought with a mortgage shortly before the wedding. Back when my son and I lived together, I owned a three-bedroom flat. We sold it; I bought myself a modest one-bed, and my son took his share to put down a deposit on a three-bedand a hefty mortgage.

Why do you need such a big place? I asked, before I knew he was getting married. Its a lot of extra expense. Soon after, everything became clear.

My son covers the mortgage entirely on his own, what with his wife always on sick leave, and soon after, off work with a baby. She was ever so happy to spend the household money, but contributing? Not so much. Unsurprisingly, they are always strapped for cash.

I kept out of their business to avoid being blamed for everything later. He chose her; she was his responsibility. We lived apartno need to share a kitchen or bathroom. Let them get on with it.

Still, my sons new flat wasnt far from mine, so now and then hed pop round for dinner after work. His wife never bothered with cooking, claiming the smells made her feel ill. Perhaps she was telling the truthwho knows.

When the first grandchild came along, I thought Id pop in and help, seeing as its all so new for them, but I was flat out told not to interfere. Ill manage myself; Ive got the internet and my mum for advice, she told me. Alright thenno skin off my nose. From that point on, Id visit to see my grandson, bring a little treat, have a play, and not offer help. No point forcing it where its not wanted.

My son struggled; the mortgage, a wife, a young childit was all a lot to bear. But he didnt complain, seemed determined to handle things himself. The best I could do was feed him a decent meal occasionally and reassure him things would look up. When the little ones a bit older, your wife will go back to work, and itll all ease up.

But going back to work was clearly not on her agenda. When the eldest was nearly two, she announced she was expecting again. I gently suggested they might want to take a breather for a bit, given their finances. The response was a right ticking off.

Keep your nose out of our affairs! Were doing just fine by ourselves, thank you very much. Not asking for your help! And that was that.

My son mumbled something about child benefit being a help, and I realised my advice wasnt wanted. Things with my daughter-in-law were never cordial, but after that confrontation, I made a point of barely speaking to her at all. My eldest grandson would visit with my son, but I stayed out of their home.

We kept to our own lives. Occasionally my son would let slip how hard up they were, often with little hints that things werent rosy between him and his wife either. But what could I say? Leave her? Find a better job? Talk it out? Since when have things ever been that simple?

The second grandson was born. I wasnt even told, never mind invited for the homecoming from the hospital. That stung, but I refused to make a scene or turn myself into a figure of ridicule. The decision had been made, and my son wasnt about to stand up to his wife, clearly.

The first time I saw my younger grandson he was already seven months old. I was graciously allowed to attend my eldest grandsons birthday. I brought presents for both boys and a few bits for the table, knowing how tight money was. Stayed for a couple of hours, then leftthe whole time my daughter-in-law paraded about with a stony-faced look, as if I ought to be grovelling in gratitude for the honour of being allowed through their door.

Im not at the stage of life where I need to chase after every high-handed girl and plead my case. I dont offer to visit anymore, and they dont invite me. When I do see my grandchildren, its because my son brings the eldest to mine; their mother refuses to let the youngest come.

Things didnt improve on the money front. The government support they received towards the mortgage barely made a difference. My son mentioned more and more often the rows they had over moneyshe has no sense of how to budget, and hes not made of money either. I didnt comment.

Recently, I bumped into her at the local Tesco. She eyed my grocery basket, then gave me a look and snapped, Typical! My own children see fruit just once a month, and there you are, buying expensive food for your pampered cats. With a sharp tug of her eldests hand, she marched off.

So whose fault is it that I can afford to look after my pets properly, but she and my son cant do the same for their children? She knows their money is tight, that the mortgage is a struggle, and that work isnt perfect for my sonyet she keeps having baby after baby. Wouldnt it be better to get a job and earn money for your own kids fruit? Why should that be my problem?

Now, I wouldnt be surprised if she ends up banning me from seeing the grandchildren altogether. Im simply not the grandmother who rushes to empty her purse for her sons family. People should live life with their own heads attachedbut Im afraid my daughter-in-law hasnt got one, and by the looks of it, neither does my son.