My Mum Moved In to Help with My Daughter—Now She Won’t Leave, and I Don’t Know How to Ask Her to Go

Recently, my mum has started living by herself. She split up with my dad, and for a while my brother stayed with her, but now hes moved in with his girlfriend. Mum told me she finds it hard being in a big house all by herself. She says it feels lonely and sometimes a bit frightening at night, and she really misses having someone to talk with. I felt quite sorry for her, so I suggested that she might consider moving in with her sister, who also lives alone. But Mum wasnt keenshe insisted that it gets harder to put up with someone elses quirks as you get older.

After my brother left, Mum started coming to see us more often, sometimes at weekends and sometimes in the middle of the week. Weve always welcomed her with open arms, and its genuinely lovely to have her around. We go over to hers whenever we get the chance. When we visit other relatives or pop up to the cottage, we always invite her along too. We honestly try our best to make sure shes not feeling left out.

All was well until my husband and I had our little boy. Mum suggested she could stay with us to help out with her grandson, especially once I got home from the hospital. She made some good points, and we eventually agreed. Shes been an absolute godsendhelping with the baby, tidying up, sorting the laundry. What we didnt anticipate was that shed more or less move in for good. Its been a couple of months now, and she doesnt seem in any rush to leave. Now shes talking about renting out her own flat, as though its only sensible for it not to sit empty.

Of course, both my husband and I are incredibly grateful for all she does. But having her around every day is starting to wear on us. We miss our privacy. Mums retired now, so shes always in, pottering about, re-arranging shelves and drawers, especially in the kitchen. It feels like theres never any real space just for us. We chose to have our own place so we could have that sense of independence as a young family. Our flat isnt really big enough for three adults, and wed like to be able to walk around in our dressing gownssometimes even less!without bumping into her.

More and more, Mum has also started commenting on how we live, what we spend our money on, and even having a go at my husband for not pitching in enough. I tried to sit down with her, just the two of us, and gently explain that we need our own space. I tried to tell her that its healthy for younger families to live separately. But she doesnt quite see things the same way. She thinks its perfectly natural for a daughter and mother to share a home, especially with a new baby about. She insists its far too much for just the two of us, and that nobody should expect to cope entirely on their own.

Im honestly not sure how to get through to herthat her constant presence is wearing on us, that shes become a bit of an imposition, if Im truly honest with myself. I feel terrible for feeling this way, and I cant help but feel guilty that shes lonely now, particularly as she gets older.

But at the same time, its not my fault she and Dad split up. Theres nothing stopping her from meeting someone new, after all.