З життя
Ми з дружиною звернулися до всіх лікарів, навіть до віщунів та цілителів.
Я зі своєю дружиною обійшов усіх лікарів, навіть були у віщунів та цілителів. Ходили до церкви, молилися. Зрештою, руки почали опускатися…
Дружина покинула мене. Тепер життя майже неможливе для мене, залишився наодинці зі своїми думками. Порятунок я знаходжу лише в роботі. Іноді втішаюсь алкоголем. Я не погана людина, мені 28 років, не палю, рідко вживаю алкоголь, але в останній час лише це приносить полегшення.
Я навчався на юридичному факультеті. Завдяки батькам ми з дружиною оселилися в двокімнатній квартирі. У нас були престижні посади і гарна зарплата. Життя йшло добре, ми розумілися з дружиною і нам нічого не бракувало.
Моя дружина – неймовірна жінка. Красива, скромна, приємна. У будинку завжди чисто і порядок. Після роботи я з радістю повертався додому, де на мене чекала дружина зі смачним обідом.
Багато хто з вас сказав би: “Чого тобі не вистачає? Багато хто мріє про таке життя! Живи і не жалійся.”
Але я більше не хочу радіти життю. Я страждаю від безпліддя. У ранньому дитинстві я хворів на свинку. Пам’ятаю лише, що довго лежав у лікарні і не ходив до школи. А тепер, через 20 років, хвороба нагадала про себе.
Ми з дружиною обійшли всіх лікарів, навіть були у віщунів та цілителів. Ходили до церкви і молилися. Зрештою, ми зрозуміли, що нічого більше не можемо зробити, бо в моєму випадку ця хвороба була невиліковною.
Дружина почала мене уникати, не проводили разом вечори. Ми сиділи в різних кімнатах, вона читала книги, я дивився телевізор. Коли вона сказала, що подруга запропонувала їй роботу в Києві, і вона хоче почати нове життя, оскільки ще молода.
Наступного дня вона зібралася і поїхала. Про свою хворобу я дізнався лише через два роки після одруження. Я не знав, що це може так ускладнити наше життя.
Тепер я згадую сумні очі моєї мами, коли ми брали шлюб, і її слова: “Ох, діти, що я роблю!”
Тоді я не звертав на це уваги, а тепер розумію жахливе значення цих слів. Я чудово розумію, що життя не закінчується. Десь у нашому прекрасному місті є самотня жінка з дитиною на руках, для якої я міг би стати чудовим батьком.
Але я не хочу шукати жінку насильно. Спочатку я хочу вилікувати своє серце і подолати втрату від шлюбу, в якому ми прожили 5 щасливих років. Я розумію мою дружину, яка хоче мати дітей, а я цього дати не можу. Дозволити їй зраду? Усиновити дитину? Вона хоче бути матір’ю своєї дитини.
А якби я знав про свої проблеми ще до одруження? Як би тоді розвивалося наше життя? Чи залишилася б вона зі мною або пішла б одразу?
Чому мама так довго приховувала від мене про мою хворобу? Якби я знав, усе могло б бути інакше. З одного боку, я розумію маму – вона хотіла, щоб я був щасливим. Але чи можна бути щасливим за таку ціну? У кожного з нас є своя правда. Можливо, це просто певний тест для мене. Я борюся з своїми думками. А вдома все ще тихо і сумно.
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