З життя
«Мы жертвовали всем ради детей, а теперь я одна и позабыта: почему меня избегают родные?»
**Дневник.**
Мы с Васей отказывали себе во всём ради наших дочерей, а теперь я одна, и никому не нужна.
Когда Лена и Таня выросли, мы с мужем выдохнули — казалось, самое тяжёлое позади. Оба ковали железо на заводе в Нижнем Новгороде, жили скромно, зарплаты — гроши. Но мы не давали девочкам почувствовать себя хуже других. У них всегда были новые платья, тетрамы в школьный рюкзак, деньги на кино — пусть редко, но было.
Себе же мы ничего не позволяли. Я и не вспомню, когда последний раз купила пальто — всё уходило на детей. Потом институты: Лена — в Питер, Таня — в Москву. Опять траты. Стипендии — смех, хватало только на метро. Мы высылали деньги на жильё, еду, тёплые вещи. Снова училась считать каждую копейку, но ни разу не пожалела — лишь бы у них всё было.
Вышли замуж, обе. Радовались — жизнь у девочек наладилась. Потом внуки: у Лены — Максимка, у Тани — Алёшка. И всё закрутилось снова. После декрета дочки сказали: «В сад рано, мам, помоги». Я к тому времени уже на пенсии, но подрабатывала уборкой, чтобы как-то сводить концы. Поговорили с Васей — решили: он пашет, я с внуками.
Так и жили: две пенсии да его зарплата. Зятья бизнес открыли, дела пошли в гору. Мы помогали, если просили — ну как отказать?
А потом… Васю не стало. Сердце. Сорок два года рядом — и вдруг пустота. Дочери первые месяцы навещали, внуков забирали, потом… будто и не было меня.
Пенсия — копейки. Раньше с Васиной зарплатой худо-бедно, а теперь? Коммуналка, хлеб, таблетки — выбирала, на что хватит. Однажды дочки заглянули, и я робко попросила: «Девочки, если б помогали хоть немного…» Лена отрезала: «У нас своих расходов хватает». Таня промолчала. И всё. Больше нет звонков, нет вопросов.
Сижу у окна, смотрю — бабушки с внуками гуляют, смеются. А у меня — тишина. Где тот момент, когда я стала лишней? Неужели всё, что я для них сделала, ничего не стоит?
Я не прошу многого. Не нужны мне их деньги. Пусть хоть раз спросят: «Мам, как ты?» Пусть внуки зайдут, чаю попьют. Но, видно, даже это — слишком.
С каждым днём надежда тает. Но жду. Потому что сердце матери не научится не ждать. Даже когда больно. Даже когда предали.
**Урок.** Любить детей, не требуя ничего взамен, — святое. Но учить их помнить — тоже обязанность.
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