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На схилі літ мої сини забули про мене…

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Мені випало народити трьох синів, а на старість зрозуміла, що їм вже не потрібна…

Я подарувала життя п’ятьом дітям. Віддала їм усе, не жаліючи ні зусиль, ні здоров’я, не зважаючи на власні бажання. Це було тридцять років тому, в маленькому селищі біля Чернігова, де кожен день був боротьбою за їхнє щастя. Зараз мої сини та доньки розлетілися світом, завели свої сім’ї, а я залишилася одна, дивлячись у пустоту, що вони залишили за собою.

З доньками в мене зв’язок міцний, як сталь. Вони приїжджають до мене, привозять подарунки, допомагають в господарстві, наповнюють дім теплом і сміхом. Всі свята ми проводимо разом — вони знають, як сильно я сумую наодинці, як мене обтяжує тиша. У мене великий будинок, місця вистачає всім, і я завжди чекаю їх з розпростертими обіймами. Але сини… Вони ніби чужі. Наче я не мати їм, а випадкова тінь з минулого. Я розумію, у них свої дружини, діти, турботи. Але чи можна так просто викреслити ту, що дала тобі життя?

Коли мій чоловік, Іван, подзвонив їм і попросив приїхати полагодити дах, вони відмахувалися, як від нав’язливої мухи. Дім затоплювало дощем, вода капала прямо на підлогу, а ми з чоловіком віддали останні копійки пенсії стороннім робітникам, щоб врятувати своє гніздо. Сини навіть не спитали, як ми впоралися. Вони не дзвонять, не пишуть. Навіть у день народження, коли чекаєш хоч слова, хоч краплі поваги до старості, від них — мертва тиша.

Не думаю, що їхні дружини налаштовують їх проти нас. Здається, це їхній власний вибір — забути про старих, відмахнутися від нас, як від непотрібного вантажу. Я придивлялася до невісток — всі троє начебто добрі, розумні жінки. Але сини вічно посилаються на роботу, на справи, на вічну зайнятість. А що, дочкам нереально працювати? У них немає сімей? Чому ж вони знаходять час, щоб приїхати, обійняти, привезти продукти, а сини з їхніми жінками навіть онуків не покажуть, не дадуть порадіти їхнім дзвінким голосам?

Зараз нам з Іваном потрібна допомога як ніколи. Здоров’я розвалюється, ніби старий дім під вітром, а сини відвернулися, неначе ми для них померли. Дочки з зятями возять нас по лікарнях, платять за ліки зі своєї кишені, привозять їжу, гріють душу турботою. А хлопці, яких я виростила, годувала з ложечки, навчала жити — вони залишили нас напризволяще.

Два роки тому середня донька, Оля, потрапила в страшну аварію. Тепер вона прикута до інвалідного візка, і замість того щоб допомагати нам, сама потребує догляду. Старша, Марина, переїхала минулого року до Канади в пошуках кращого життя — її можна зрозуміти, але вона далеко, і я залишилася без її підтримки. Вона пропонувала наняти доглядальницю, але я відмовилася, майже розплакавшись від образи. Я народила п’ятьох дітей, щоб на схилі життя чужа жінка витирала мені сльози і варила суп? Це нагорода за всі мої жертви?

Одна з невісток, дружина молодшого сина, якось обмовилася, що нам слід продати будинок і переїхати в будинок престарілих. «Там вас нагодують, за вами доглянуть, і ніхто не буде в претензії», — сказала вона з холодною усмішкою, ніби мова йшла про старі меблі, а не про живих людей. Як у неї язик повернувся таке сказати? Я ледь не задихнулася від обурення. Так, ми старі, але не безпорадні! Ми ходимо, думаємо, живемо — просто сил вже немає, і здоров’я підводить кожного дня. Ми не вимагаємо багато — лише крихти уваги, трохи тепла від тих, кого виховували з любов’ю.

В черговий раз я переконалася: ближчих за дочок немає нікого. Вони — моя опора, мої ангели, що не дають мені зірватися в прірву самотності. А сини… Хай їх Бог судить. Я віддала їм усе — здоров’я, молодість, безсонні ночі, а у відповідь отримала лише пустоту і байдужість. Невже я заслужила, щоб на старість мене забули ті, заради кого я жила?

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