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Перед операцією він знайшов спокій завдяки її підтримці.

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Він йшов на операцію, а вона кілька днів до цього заспокоювала його. Планова операція, вже дуже потрібно зробити, нічого страшного, це лише кілька годин, такі операції давно стали рутинними, у нього гарні аналізи, міцне серце… Вона повторювала те саме, мов заведена. Він посміхався, гладив її руку і мовчав. Їй здавалося, що він її не чує, що все це вона розповідає собі, намагаючись себе заспокоїти.

Так воно і було. Він слухав її, але не чув. Просто дивився, як вона рухається по квартирі. Як накриває на стіл. Як п’є каву, яку він дбайливо зварив до сніданку. Як хмуриться і хвилюється. Як сто разів перебирає в пакеті його речі для лікарні. Як нагадує подзвонити сестрі в далеку країну.

Вони вже давно жили лише удвох. Половину того життя, яке прожили з батьками, сином, онуками. Батьків похова́ли, синові купили квартиру. Залишилися удвох і по вихідних накривали столи, як раніше, запрошували друзів. Влітку їздили у відпустку. І завжди ходили тримаючись за руки.

Вони перейшли шістдесятирічний рубіж, але рук так і не розімкнули.

Вони були настільки одне ціле, що навіть імена не мало сенсу вимовляти окремо.

Що вони пережили, довго розповідати. Все було. Вона з дитячого будинку. Але раптом, коли виросла її дитина, знайшлася мати. Хвора, залишена напризволяще, нікому не потрібна. Вона, не роздумуючи, взяла її до себе. У свою тісну міську квартиру. Практично всі крутили пальцем біля скроні. Мати залишила її в зовсім малому віці. І ніколи в житті не згадувала про те, що у неї є дочка. Вона дійсно не розуміла, чого від неї хочуть? Щоб вона покинула матір? Так само, як мати покинула її? Але їй було боляче, всі ті роки було дуже боляче! Вона не хотіла, щоб так було з матір’ю…

Мати доглядали разом з чоловіком. Вона пролежала кілька років, останні два роки втратила розум. Але вони не скаржилися, мовчки доглядали, годували, поїли, змінювали підгузки і постіль, лікували…

Власне, вона могла все. Коли він був поруч. І нічого її не лякало. Коли він був поруч.

На операцію вона його провела. І сиділа під дверима. Чекала. Операція простенька, але все одно багато хвилювань. Він ніколи серйозно не хворів. І їй було трохи дивно сидіти і чекати закінчення його операції.

Автоматично сунула руку в сумочку, намацала конверт. Здивувалася, здавалося, у неї не повинно бути конвертів у сумочці. Витягнула. Ще більший подив — лист від нього. Коли встиг написати? Коли встиг покласти у сумочку? Вони ж бо ні на мить не розлучалися, вона б помітила.

Прочитала. Дуже дивний лист. Він начебто прощався. Вона сиділа, боячись поворухнутися. Вона все зрозуміла. Ще до того, як лікарі вийшли з операційної.

Простенької операції він не витримав. Зупинилося серце. Те саме, начебто міцне і ніколи не боліле.

А потім, після похорону, валеріани, пустки, нечуваного болю, вона витягнула з шафи свою кофту і намацала у кишені записку. Це була кумедна записка. Від нього. Потемніло в очах. Залізла у іншу кишеню зимового пальта. І там записка. З пририсованою кумедною пикою.

У неї в квартирі виявився мільйон цих його записок. Написаних до зупинки серця на операційному столі. І знайдених нею після його похорону.

Спочатку вона плакала, не могла читати, фізично боляче було навіть дивитися на його почерк…

Потім почала читати. Він жартував, підбадьорював, запитував, припускав, шкодував, любив… Він був живим і попереднім у тих записках.

І, дивлячись мені в очі, вона раптово каже: — Розумієш, мені навіть соромно зізнатися в тому, що я тобі скажу. Соромно, коли навколо багато горя і багато проблем, коли начебто так і не буває, всі один на одного скаржаться… Розумієш, я була дуже щаслива як жінка. Дуже. Я не можу про це розповісти. Але я була дуже щаслива.

І десять років, щовечора, вона перечитувала його записочки. Ті, які знайшла в квартирі ще довгий час. Ті, які їй тоді допомогли не зійти з розуму. Ті, які продовжують зберігати його тепло. І його любов.

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