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Платить за мечты о ребёнке: чья это забота?

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Бред невестки о ребёнке: а кто платить будет — тоже я?

Мир вокруг словно превратился в странный спектакль, где мой сын, взрослый мужик, вдруг снова стал мальчишкой, за которого всё решают. А невестка — режиссёр этой гротескной пьесы, размахивает руками, ставит сцены, а за кулисами торчу я, сжимая в руках кошелёк, будто спасательный круг. Только усталость всё глубже, а терпеть приходится всё больше.

Сначала сын жил со мной, в моей квартире в Новосибирске, а его Любаша — так, снимала угол с подругой где-то на окраине. Потом заговорили о свадьбе, сняли однушку в панельке. Я не лезла: пусть сами разбираются, жизнь строят. Помогала рублями, когда просили. Не олигархи, но я-то помню — молодость, первые шаги, всё это было.

Но вот эта их затея — завести ребёнка сейчас! — вгоняет в ступор. Ни работы стабильной, ни жилья своего, ни копейки за душой. Зато громкие слова: «Время не ждёт, после тридцати — риск, а мы справимся!» И сын мой — будто под гипнозом — кивает, соглашается, без тени сомнения. Где твоя голова, Сашка? Где мужская твёрдость? Почему ты опять позволяешь вести себя за руку?

Работает он, да, но в какой-то конторе, где зарплату могут задержать или вовсе не заплатить. Уже пятый раз меняет место — то начальник сволочь, то фирма развалилась. У Любаши зарплата — смех да и палец. При этом они уже трижды переезжали. Пока вдвоём — терпимо. А с младенцем? С ночными переездами, коробками, криками в три часа ночи? Кто это потянет?

Я пробовала говорить тихо, по-хорошему: поживите для себя, окрепните, отложите хоть что-то. Нет. Решение принято. Ей срочно. И мой сын, как зомбированный — «да, конечно». А я, значит, теперь буду не просто бабушкой, а вторым кошельком и нянькой? Помогать — святое, но у меня же тоже не вечное здоровье и не бездонный запас сил.

А если не справятся? Если через месяц окажется, что не на что оплатить аренду, не на что купить памперсы? Кто останется крайним? Я. Потому что сказать «нет» собственному сыну и внуку я не смогу. И от этого холодеет внутри. Я уже устала балансировать на грани — свои долги, лекарства, возраст. Я не из стали.

А Любаша улыбается, будто речь не о ребёнке, а о прогулке в парке: «Как-нибудь выкрутимся!» И это «как-нибудь» звучит так легко, будто падение с десятого этажа — просто приключение. А мне хочется кричать: да подумайте же хоть раз наперёд!

Я не против детей. Я мечтаю о внуках. Но хочу, чтобы они росли в любви, а не в вечном страхе, что завтра не на что купить хлеб. Чтобы у них была своя комната, а не чемоданный режим. Чтобы они знали: родители — опора, а не я, старая бабка, держащая всё на себе.

Смотрю на них и вижу: подожди они пару лет — всё могло быть иначе. Найти нормальную работу, скопить на свою квартиру, встать на ноги. Но нет. Здесь любят сначала прыгнуть в пропасть, а уже потом искать верёвку. И, конечно, кто-то должен их вытаскивать.

Я молчу. Знаю, мои слова — как об стенку горох. Но внутри уже собираю силы. Готовлюсь к бессонным ночам, к новым тратам, к роли спасателя, на которую меня никто не назначал. Потому что дети — это не только радость, но и крест. И где-то в глубине души теплится надежда: может, хоть кто-то из них когда-нибудь повзрослеет…

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The Carer for the Wife — What do you mean? — Lida thought she must have misheard. — Where am I supposed to go? Why? What for? — Oh, can we just skip the dramatics, please? — he grimaced. — What’s not clear here? There’s no one left for you to take care of. Where you go is none of my concern. — Ed, what’s wrong with you? Weren’t we planning to get married…? — That was your idea. I never said any such thing. At 32, Lida decided to turn her life around and leave her small hometown. What was left for her there? Endure her mother’s nagging? Her mother simply couldn’t stop scolding Lida about the divorce, constantly asking how she managed to “lose” her husband. Yet Vas’ka wasn’t worth a kind word—drunk and a womaniser! How did she end up marrying him all those eight years ago? Lida wasn’t at all upset about the divorce—in fact, she felt she could finally breathe again. But she argued constantly with her mum about it, and they also fought about money, which was always in short supply. 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