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Покинув родину заради молодої коханої

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Валерія Мельник, так мене звати, і живу я у селі Ясіня, де Закарпатська область ніжно тримає у своїх обіймах річку Тиса. Часто чую, як чоловіки докоряють нам, жінкам: мовляв, ми їх використовуємо, зраджуємо, були такими-ось і сякими-он. Та чому їм не поглянути на себе? Хто вони самі — жалюгідні, нікчемні істоти? Ось чому я пишу це, щоб виливати біль, що палає в моїй душі, як розжарене вугілля.

З Ігорем ми прожили 27 щасливих років. Разом будували дім, виховували дітей — двох синів, тепер маємо онуків. Завжди шукали спільну мову, поважали один одного, ділили радість і горе. Але коли йому виповнилось 53, його наче підмінили. Почав затримуватись на роботі, годинами вбрався перед дзеркалом, а у вихідні взагалі його не було. Згодом усе з’ясувалося: він втратив голову через молоду коханку. Я була готова пробачити, якби він схаменувся, повернувся до нас, але ні — кинув мені в обличчя, що, на відміну від нього, я постаріла, що не розумію його. Сказав, що закоханий у неї, що жадає її молодості, її пристрасті. А воно що? Що їй потрібно від нього — його немічне тіло, зморшкувата шкіра? Їй байдуже до нього — лише гроші її цікавлять. А коли вони закінчаться, викине його, наче сміття, на вулицю.

Наші сини, Олексій і Дмитро, намагалися наставити батька на розум. Прямо в очі сказали, що він ганьбить їх, що перед людьми їм соромно за нього. Але він і їх не почув — дивився на них, як на чужих, з порожнечею у погляді. Я дійшла до межі — пригрозила розлученням, думаючи, що це його протверезить. А він погодився, наче чекав на це. На схилі літ ми розійшлись. Тепер він живе з тією дівчиною, годує її дитину, замість того, щоб няньчити наших онуків, радіти їх сміху. Я одна в нашому будинку, де кожна стіна пройнята спогадами, а він там, з нею, в ілюзії нового життя.

Я не звинувачую її, ту дівицю. Вона хитро сплела свої тенета, щоб вижити, вхопити шмат побільше. А мій колишній чоловік — просто дурень, осліплений кризою віку. Невже він справді вірить, що в його роки можна знову створити сім’ю? Що ця молода лялька народить йому дітей, піклуватиметься про нього? Нехай заспокоює себе казками! Я не шукаю нового чоловіка — вистачить з мене їхньої брехні і зрад. Мені не потрібні ваші співчуття, сльози чужих людей. І не пишіть мені порад або докорів — не збираюся їх читати. Так, я пройшла через пекло: відчай пекло мене, злоба душила, мов зашморг. Він зруйнував моє життя в момент, коли я найменше очікувала удару. Але я пережила це, витримала, відпустила біль.

Тепер у мене є діти й онуки — моє світло, моя опора. А що є у нього? Скоро він зрозуміє, як жорстоко помилився. Ця дівка не запитає, чи випив він таблетки від тиску, не випере йому шкарпетки, не зварить гарячий суп до його повернення. Вона живе для себе, а він для неї — лише гаманець на ніжках. І коли він постукає до мене у двері — а я знаю, цей день настане, — на нього чекає холодний прийом. Ні я, ні сини не пробачимо йому цього зради. Він покинув нас задля дрібного захоплення, заради дешевої пристрасті, а ми залишились родиною — без нього. Нехай котиться до чорта зі своєю коханкою!

Бачу його уві снах — молодим, яким був колись, з усмішкою, що гріла мою душу. А потім прокидаюсь і згадую, ким він став: егоїстом, що проміняв рідних на ілюзію. Мені гірко, але я не зламалася. Щодня дивлюся на онуків і думаю: заради них варто жити. А він? Він пожне плоди своєї глупоти — самотність, порожнечу, зневагу тих, хто його любив. Він думав, що молодість можна купити, але кохання не продається. І коли вона висмокче з нього останню копійку, він залишиться ні з чим — жалюгідний, покинутий старий, якого ніхто не чекає. Ми ж будемо жити далі, без нього, але разом. І це моя помста — не злоба, а сила, яку він не зміг у мене відібрати.

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