Refusing to Acknowledge His Son

What did you expect? James snorted. You think I lied? I told you Im not a fan of kids!

Ethel sniffed, tears bristling.
James, how can you not love your own son? Hes your future, isnt he? Youve never even called him by name whats this about him?!

Little Charlie, a chubby oneyearold with a face smeared in porridge, knocked his rattle out of his hands.

The baby froze for a heartbeat, gulped a huge breath and let out a scream so sharp it made Ethels ears ring.

She lunged for the highchair, scooped Charlie up and glared at James.

James kept eating his toast, perfectly unruffled.

Its okay, love, just a little tumble, Ethel cooed. Dadll lift him up. James, could you hand it over? Hes rolled down to your foot.

James glanced down. A yellow giraffe plush sat a centimetre from his shoe, shod in a houseslipper.

He nudged the toy aside with his toe and spread butter on his bread.

James! Ethel snapped. Why are you kicking it? Cant you bend down?

James stood silently, walked to the coffee machine, pressed the button, waited for the black stream to fill his mug, then turned to her.

Im running late, Ethel. Ive got a meeting in forty minutes and I havent even had breakfast.

Morning traffic is a nightmare. Grab the rattle yourself! And I dont want to get near the kidmy shirts light, I cant have him staining it.

What does the shirt have to do with anything? The boys wailing, and you act like it doesnt matter

He cries twentyfour hours a day, James replied calmly. Its his entertainment keeps my nerves buzzing. Right, Im off.

He gave Ethel a quick kiss on the cheek and dodged the sticky little hands.

Byebye! Charlie gurgled, his toothless grin wide.

James barely glanced at him.

See you later, he called and bolted out of the kitchen.

A few minutes later the front door slammed. Ethel flopped onto a chair and burst into sobs.

Why does he treat her like that? What did she do wrong? And whats the boys fault with his dad?

Sensing his mums mood, Charlie fell silent and started smearing the last of his porridge across the table.

Ethel, wiping her eyes, tried to calm down. She didnt need another upset child.

She suddenly remembered the conversation James had after the wedding:

Ethel, honestly, I dont like children. Any children. They freak me outnoise, mess, chaos, endless whining

Why would we even want that? Lets just skip having kids, yeah?

Shed laughed then and waved it off:

Oh, stop it, James. All men say that until they actually have one in their arms. Instinct kicks in youll see.

No instinct kicked in for him, and he truly despised his own son.

By lunchtime Jamess parents arrived. Helen Parker, the mother, breezed in first, followed by her husband David Parker, lugging a box of a new building set.

Wheres our little king? Wheres our boss? David boomed from the doorstep. Come on, go see granddad!

Charlie squealed with joy, and for the next two hours the house felt like a holiday cottage.

Ethel finally managed to sit on the sofa with a mug of tea, watching David stack towers while Helen fed Charlie fruit purée, humming odd little rhymes.

Ethel, you look pale, Helen observed. James showed up late again yesterday?

No, he was on time, Ethel brushed it off. Just exhausted.

Helen pursed her lips. Shed seen everything. No family photo with the boy, except the one taken at the hospital where James looked like a hostage.

She knew her soninlaw never asked about teething or vaccinationshe never showed interest in his child. Ethel had complained several times already

Does he even try to get close? David asked quietly.

Dad, dont start. Hes got work, hes tired.

Work! David snorted. I worked two jobs when you and your brother were kids. And you think I wouldnt go to his bedside? I stayed up nights just so his mum could sleep! And this bloke.

David, calm down, Helen hissed. Ethel, maybe have a word with him? He needs a dad, a proper role model.

Ive told you a hundred times, Mum.

Ethel wrapped her arms around herself, ashamed of James in front of her parents, and mortified that shed chosen such a poor father for her son.

And what does he say? Helen pressed.

He says, Let him grow. When hes a man well talk. Right now its all on you.

Only on me?! her mother snapped, dropping the towel. Did you two even plan this? He didnt have a say, did he? Youre good heavens!

That evening, after the parents left, Ethels mood sank again. James would be home soon, and she still had to sort dinner, tidy up toys, make sure he didnt step on anything and start screaming.

James came back at eight.

Hey, he tossed his keys into the bowl. Anything to eat? Im starving.

Meatloaf in the oven, salad on the table, Ethel called from the hallway, wiping her hands. Charlie said two new words today: baba and give.

Brilliant, James replied nonchalantly, shrugging off his jacket. Hope give isnt about my paycheck. Im already bleeding money on that.

He laughed at his own joke, slipped into the bedroom to change, while Ethel just stared.

It wasnt just rudenessit was outright indifference to the only heir. Whether the boy said a word or barked, the reaction would have been the same.

Charlies teeth were aching. Hed been whimpering since sunrise, and the whole family had been up half the night.

Ethel held him, rubbed his gums with gel, turned on cartoonsnothing helped.

James had a day off.

He sat in the living room on his laptop, trying to watch a series with the headphones on, but the babys cries cut through the noisecancelling.

Around two in the afternoon Ethel tried to put Charlie down for his nap. It was her only chance to catch a breath, shower, and lie down in peace.

Charlie fought back. He twisted, flung his pacifier, and wailed so loudly the chandelier rattled.

The bedroom door burst openJames stood in the doorway.

Ethel, how many times do I have to say it?! he shouted. Ive been listening to this concert for four hours! My head is splitting!

Charlie, frightened by the shout, went into fullblown hysteria, and Ethel snapped:

Do you think I enjoy this? Hes got teething pain!

Do something! Shut him up, I dont know give him something!

I gave him medicine! He needs to sleep!

James stalked into the room, looming over her.

Listen, stop tormenting him. If he wont nap, dont force it. Let him crawl, scream in another room. Put him in the kitchen and shut the door behind you!

Are you mad? Ethel could barely find words. Hes only one year old! He cant go without a daytime nap.

If he doesnt sleep now, the evening will be a nightmare. Neither of our nervous systems can handle it.

I dont care about his system! Skip the nap and hell be out like a light at night. Makes sense, right? Makes sense.

Im fed up hearing this whining. I just want a breather at home, got it? Im done with this rubbish!

A break? Ethel rose slowly, cradling the sobbing child. You want a break? What about me? You know I havent eaten all day. I cant even use the loo without him.

If he doesnt sleep, Im going to collapse, James. I need that hour. I need it!

Oh, here we go, he rolled his eyes. Hero mum. Everyone else births, raises kids, and youre the tragic one.

Put him on the floor, let him play. And you go cook something, or whatever you need Hell entertain himself.

Do you even realise what youre saying? Ethels voice trembled. Hes your son. Hes in pain, his teeth are coming in. You suggest depriving him of sleep so you can watch your stupid series?

Im offering a solution! James shouted. No sleep, no problem! Simple!

Charlie wailed again, hiding his face against his mothers chest. Ethel looked at James with pure disgust.

Get out, she whispered.

What? James asked, confused.

Leave the room. Close the door.

James lingered a heartbeat, snorted, then stalked out, slamming the door behind him.

Twenty minutes later a exhausted Charlie finally drifted off, breathing shallowly in his sleep.

Ethel slipped into the kitchen. James was at the table, munching a sandwich and scrolling through his phone.

I called your mum yesterday, Ethel said, leaning against the doorway.

James tensed, putting his phone down.

Why?

I wanted to figure out whats going on between us. I asked her what you were like, how your parents raised you.

She told him his dad never let him off the hook. Hed been taken fishing at three, reading books. He grew up with love, James. Where did this come from?

James turned slowly toward her.

One more time, he spat each word, you complain to my mum and well have a proper fight.

I didnt complain. I asked for advice.

Advice? he smirked. Do you know what she said? That Im a coldhearted wrecker, that Im tearing the family apart.

Youve turned me into a monster, Ethel. Proud of yourself?

And youre not a monster? she asked softly. Look at yourself. You live with us like a flatshare neighbour.

Youve never called your son by name all week. Just him, the little one, that. Do you hate him?

James stayed silent.

I dont hate him, he finally managed. I just I dont know what to do with him.

He cries, hes messy, he demands, he demands!

I get home, its chaos, I just want peace, a chat, a film.

Instead its nappies, toys everywhere, and your forever sour face.

Its temporary, James. Kids grow

They grow forever, Ethel. Too long. I warned you, I was honest: I dont like kids. You thought I was joking? That your great love would change me?

I thought you were an adult. And that dont love kids and dont love my own child were different.

Turns out theyre the same, he stood, tossed his halfeaten sandwich in the bin. Im off for a walk. Need some fresh air.

Go, Ethel said, turning to the sink. Go. Well manage with Charlie.

James gathered his coat and left, while Ethel dialed her parents something had to be sorted, pronto.

That night Charlie woke in a good mood. The tooth pain had eased; he crawled around the carpet, trying to catch the cat that kept hiding under the sofa.

James returned two hours later. Ethel didnt react at all. He flopped into his armchair, reached for the remote.

Charlie spotted his dad, beamed, and waddled over, clinging to Jamess trouser leg, peeking up at his face.

Pa! he chirped, handing over a toy car.

Ethel froze, holding her breath, watching Jamess reaction. He gave a quick glance at the boy, winced, and muttered to her:

Put him away, will you? I want to watch the telly! Why is he glued to me? Go bother Mum!

Ethel scooped Charlie up and carried him to the bedroom. An hour later she emerged with two massive suitcases. Before James could even react, there was a knock at the doorher parents had turned up looking for Ethel and the grandkid.

Ethels motherinlaw had been trying to convince her to come back for a month, but shed never budged.

Shed filed for divorce a few days after moving out; she wasnt planning to live with James again.

James suddenly saw the light, tried to arrange meetings with his wife and son, but Ethel decided everything would go through the courts.

Charlie would be raised by her dadher grandfathera proper gentleman in every sense.