З життя
Рішення про спільне життя розбило всі мрії вщент
Оксана наважилась на спільне життя, але дійсність розбила її мрії вщент.
Оксана завжди була жінкою, яку всі довкола любили, та доля склалася так, що вона залишилася самотньою. У юності вона присвятила себе книгам і знанням, які її батьки, особливо мати, берегли, як скарб. Вона зростала в маленькому містечку під Львовом, оточена тишею та сторінками старих романів, далеко від метушні та мирських пристрастей.
Одного разу в її життя увійшов чоловік — статний, заможний, із чарівною усмішкою. Він доглядав за нею з палкістю, і весілля здавалося неминучим, як схід сонця після ночі. Але доля завдала жорстокого удару: раптова смерть батька та важка хвороба матері зруйнували всі плани. Оксана залишилася доглядати за хворою, а наречений, не витримавши випробувань, розчинився в її житті, як привид, залишивши лише гіркий осад зради.
Роки потому, після відходу матері, Оксана раптом відчула, як сильно їй бракує тепла іншої людини. Вона бачила, як її подруги знаходять свободу після розлучень, наче розправляють крила, й усе ж у її серці жевріла туга за близькістю, за кимось, хто розділить її самотність. І ось випадок звів її з вдівцем Богданом. Він був людиною її натури — любив літературу XIX століття, цитував Франка і Лесю Українку, і їхні розмови біля каміна стали іскрою, з якої розгорівся роман. Незважаючи на застереження близьких — «Навіщо тобі це у твоєму віці? Живи для себе!» — Оксана і Богдан наважилися на шлюб, повіривши, що кохання здатне подолати все.
Але дійсність виявилася холодною та нещадною. Спільне життя обернулося не ідилією, а щоденним випробуванням. Богдан, із його звичкою розкидати речі й жити в хаосі, став для Оксани справжнім кошмаром. Її світ, де все було на своїх місцях, де кожна книга стояла рівно на полиці, а кожна чашка знала своє місце, руйнувався під натиском його безладу. Кожен день перетворювався на битву за терпіння, за спробу знайти хоч краплю гармонії в цьому хаосі.
Вона намагалася говорити з ним, відкривала душу, благала розділити відповідальність за їхній спільний дім. Але слова її потопали в пустоті — Богдан залишався глухим до її благань, до її болю. Після чергового випадку, коли вона знайшла свої улюблені книги, недбало скинуті в кутку, а кухню заповнену брудним посудом, Оксана не витримала. Сльози душили її, коли вона сказала: «Я хочу піти. Повернути собі спокій». Вона мріяла про ту тиху, самотню життя, де ніхто не втручався в її світ, де вона була господинею своєї долі.
Але Богдан, посилаючись на свої справи, попросив часу, щоб «розібратися». Він залишився в її домі, і це лише загострило її страждання. Кожен його крок, кожен звук його присутності різав її серце, як ніж. Дев’ять місяців — стільки тривала ця агонія, цей шлюб, який став для неї кліткою. Нарешті, розлучення було оформлено, і Оксана вирвалася на свободу.
Повернувшись до свого самотності, вона відчула, як легені наповнюються повітрям, а душа — давно забутою радістю. Стіни її маленької квартири знову стали її прихистком, її фортецею. Вона сиділа з чашкою чаю, дивлячись у вікно на осінній дощ, і вперше за довгий час усміхнулася — щиро, від серця. Свобода, яку вона повернула собі, була ціннішою за будь-які ілюзії про щастя вдвох. Оксана зрозуміла: її життя належить тільки їй, і більше вона нікому не дозволить порушити цей тендітний, але такий дорогоцінний спокій.
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