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Розчарування в супутниці: розрив відразу після відвідин її дому

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В мене настало розчарування в обраниці, і я пішов від неї після відвідин її дому

Я був одружений тринадцять років, і моя колишня дружина ніколи не була класичною красунею. У молодості вона завоювала моє серце своєю крихкістю, ніжністю та тонкою лагідністю, яка запала в мою душу. Не можу сказати, що вона була приголомшливою, але завжди вміла показати себе. Дорога мереживна білизна, яку вона собі дозволяла, полиці в нашій ванній кімнаті, які ломилися від кремів, парфумів, олійок і косметики — усе це формувало її світ. Пляшечок та баночок було стільки, що я губився в їхній кількості, але вона завжди пахла, наче квітучий сад. Ми обоє добре заробляли, жили в достатку, і вона могла дозволити собі ці маленькі розкоші.

Моя колишня ніколи не ходила по дому в рваних лахміттях — її волосся було завжди доглянутим, одяг випрасуваним. Я захоплювався такими жінками: доглянутими, з почуттям власної гідності. Але доля розпорядилася інакше — п’ять років тому ми розлучилися, і з того часу моє життя стало чергою коротких зустрічей. Жінки з’являлися і зникали, не залишаючи сліду, поки я не зустрів її — Олесю. Вона була ніби з іншого світу: гарна, приваблива, з тонкими рисами обличчя і впевненою ходою. На роботі керувала чоловічою командою з такою легкістю, що я мимоволі захоплювався. Вирішив: таку не можна втратити.

Все почалося з невинних розмов, але незабаром я запросив її до своєї квартири в Києві. Вирішив не готувати — замовив вечерю з ресторану, зате стіл накрив сам, вкладавши в це душу. Вечір був чарівним: вино, сміх, довгі погляди. Олеся залишилася на ніч, і з того часу стала частою гостею. Але чим частіше вона приходила, тим більше мене бентежило її поведінка. Вона ніколи не брала з собою ані косметички, ані змінної одежі, ані білизни. Вранці я бачив її в жахливому стані: розмазана туш, скуйовджене волосся, втомлене обличчя. Після душу вона одягала ті ж речі, що вдягала вчора, і це різало мені очі. Чесно кажучи, я був розчарований до глибини душі.

Одного разу Олеся запросила мене до себе. Я йшов з думкою, що побачу хаос — її звички у мене вдома натякали на недбайливість. Але коли я вступив у її квартиру, мене охопив шок. Переді мною відкрився не безлад, а… щось інше. Всередині був свіжий ремонт — стильний, дорогий, з високоякісними меблями і модними деталями. Все кричало про смак і достаток. Але коли я зайшов до ванної кімнати мити руки, моє серце стиснулося від тузі. На полиці самотньо стояли лише шампунь і зубна паста. І все. Жодної розкоші, жодного натяку на турботу про себе. Я згадав свою колишню — її полиці ломилися від флаконів, ванна пахла ароматами, і це було для мене ознакою жіночності, самоповаги. А тут — порожнеча.

Олесі нещодавно виповнилося 33, але, здається, вона навіть не задумалась про те, як зберегти молодість. Невже її не лякають зморшки, в’януча шкіра? Я стояв, дивлячись на цю убогу полицю, і відчував, як всередині нарастало розчарування. Але справжній удар чекав мене на балконі. Там, на мотузці, сушилася її білизна — сіра, проста, без натяку на витонченість. Вона помітила мій погляд і недбало кинула: «Для мене головне — зручність». Ці слова прозвучали як вирок.

Може, у свої 42 я став надто прискіпливим? Може, мої звички, мої очікування — це тягар минулого, якого я не можу позбутися? Але я зрозумів: з такою жінкою я жити не зможу. Ми розійшлися — я сам поставив крапку. Пішов, не озираючись, з важким серцем, але з упевненістю, що не зможу прийняти цю порожнечу там, де сподівався побачити красу і турботу. Олеся була прекрасна зовні, але всередині її дому я побачив лише байдужість до себе, і це вбило все, що могло між нами бути.

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