Simply Unloved

Listen, his fatherinlaw said sharply to Daniel, we took you into the family, we treat you as a proper man, and you turn down our small asks? Not right, soninlaw! You ought to respect your wifes parents. When you need a favour, will we be there?

***

Ethel was born when her mother was barely nineteen. The early motherhood became a stumbling stone for the young couples plans, so the baby was left in the care of her grandmother for the first few years. While the parents studied, the grandmother was Ethels first and most steadfast pillar in the world.

The wedding took place after the daughters birth, but the real family rhythm settled only when Ethel turned six. That was when the parents brought her home, moved to a new town, and enrolled her in the first grade.

From the start the new household never clicked. The father, who held a respectable post in a city office, showed no interest in either his wife or his child. His life was a string of long absences, affairs, and latenight drinking. The mother, meanwhile, vanished into work until the small hours. Left to herself, Ethel spent her days wandering the streets. Irregular, often cold and meagre meals left a permanent mark a chronic gastritis that flared up repeatedly. When it worsened, her mother shuttled her from one hospital to another, turning the visits into a lever of control.

In that house there were no concepts of personal boundaries or the right to ones own opinion. Any wish Ethel voiced was cut off at the root. If she tried to stand her ground, a scandal erupted, accusations cascaded, and her mother would openly declare, Ethel, youre an ungrateful little girl.

I try for you, and you cant muster a grain of thanks! The suffering youve brought me, only God knows how many tears youve caused the mother wailed, get out of my sight!

The tension boiled over over what seemed a trivial clash when teenage Ethel refused to join her parents evening photosession with guests. Her mother erupted:

Shameless! How dare you embarrass me in front of people? Change your clothes at once! This very second!

Mum, I dont want to be photographed, Ethel pressed, I want to sleep! I have to get up early.

The mother lunged at her with fists, the father intervened, then told Ethel plainly that they dreamed of another child but could not have one.

If it were possible, Id kick you out this very instant! he sneered pity we cant have any other children! If there were even one chance, Id hand you over to a childrens home!

***

Ethel never had the right to say no. Her mother increasingly labeled her worthless and ungrateful. Only when Ethel turned sixteen and a foster sister arrived did the mother soften a touch, which added a fresh, crushing stress for Ethel.

Youre still our gold, the mother sighed, watching the foster girl fling plates in hysterics because she wasnt bought a computer like everyone else you never gave us any trouble! We listened to your father, agreed to foster her now therell be no more of these problems

No one knew that at school Ethel was beaten and locked in cupboards. Her classmates despised her, corralling her into a pack of bullies instead of friends. Ethel never complained; she saw no point in shouting when no one would stand up for her.

She chose a career in law at her parents insistence, hoping to win their approval. It backfired they now chided her for never finding her place.

Why law, then? scoffed her father youll end up on a factory floor, you have no talent! At least someone might take you in

Ethel endured in silence, dreaming of shedding the ropes her parents had wound around her. She was weary.

***

When Ethel married, her parents staged a prewedding scandal, accusing her of selfishness, of ruining their plans, and of taking money from them. In truth, she had borrowed a modest sum to contribute something of her own to the ceremony. Her mother never stopped pressuring her, piling her own woes onto Ethels shoulders.

Do you realize, Ethel, how much weve spent on you? her mother said when Ethel tried to decline another favour.

I understand, Mum, but Daniel and I are trying to stand on our own, we have our own concerns, Ethel replied cautiously, Mum, theres no time for all this!

What concerns? Your concerns are ours too! Your husband must understand, intervened the father, and were not asking much: pick up the groceries, deliver them to the hall, sit with the younger one while were at the reception.

Dad, Daniel works late, and he has an important meeting tomorrow, Ethel tried to protest.

A meeting? More important than family? Have you forgotten how hard we laboured to raise you? Your illnesses, your intolerable temperament! her mothers voice rose.

Mum, you speak of my illnesses that sprouted while you were busy with work and other matters. I dont recall you ever really raising me, Ethel said bitterly.

Ungrateful! You dont know what it means to be a parent! If it werent for us, youd be out on the streets! the mother shouted, youd be starving at grandmas!

Mum, Im grateful, but Im not obliged to devote my whole life to you! We only ask for a sliver of personal space, Ethel sighed.

Personal space? You just married and already think of yourself! We gave you a home, we raised you! the father insisted, and now you dare refuse us?

Mum, you have nothing to do with our flat, Ethel replied, hinting that the couples apartment was bought on a mortgage they now repaid together.

If youre so independent, why cant you find a decent job, why are you skulking in shady contracts? And why havent you paid us back for your education yet? the father jabbed, a low blow, we taught you. Wheres at least a grain of thanks?

Ethel could bear no more and turned to her father:

Father, can you at least stop supporting her in this madness?

Ethel, dont start, he said calmly but firmly, Mum is right. We ask only a little. Your husband must know his place. Nothing will happen to him if he drives us. We are your family.

Daniel isnt your taxi! Ethels voice cracked with hysteria.

How dare you raise your voice at your father?! her mother stepped forward.

Daniel, who had been silent until then, finally exploded:

Enough! Stop shouting at her! I married your daughter, I took responsibility for her. You have nothing to do with us! I never promised to be your servant!

Who are you to tell us what to do? the father roared, you took my daughter, you were welcomed into the family, and out of gratitude you ought to help us!

I love Ethel, and I want her happy. Since the wedding you havent given us a moments peace, Daniel said firmly, we will either live our own lives, or she will have no contact with you!

Ethel looked at Daniel, then at her parents.

Ethel, you cant! Youll betray us?! hissed her mother, youre our child! We did so much for you

I remember, Mum, Ethel whispered, fists clenched, I remember everything: the humiliation, the beatings, the wish for another child. I remember

Ungrateful! her mothers voice rang like broken glass.

No, Mum. Im an adult with a family. Daniel is right: we will live our own lives. You may not call us until you learn to respect our choices.

The first days of this freedom were tense. The parents called, threatened, tried to blackmail with silence, but Ethel and Daniel held fast. Ethel also resolved to strip her father of the last power he had she planned to repay the parents for her education. The couple scrimped on everything, eager to settle the debt.

The hardest part was weathering Ethels breakdowns. Defending her right to live forced her to confront years of psychological pressure. Daniel became her rock, her steadfast cliff.

Well manage, love. Well manage, I promise!

And they did. It took them a year to clear the parents bill a phantom invoice of £500,000, though the actual tuition had cost half that. After the money was sent, Ethel cut off contact. Her parents, still nursing their wounded pride, made no move to reconcile. They remained angry at their ungrateful daughter.