The Cost of Lifelong Friendship

The price of a lifelong friendship

But Emma and I always thought you two would end up together

I get that you and Emma are mates, but I cant marry someone I feel nothing for. It would just end badly for both of us, I said, halfjoking, halfserious.

A fine, drizzly rain tapped against the windows, turning the garden into a grey, soggy mess.

For Sarah and Emma, gently rocking their prams, the gloom was merely background noise to their endless, leisurely chatter. Theyd been best friends for years and, almost simultaneously, new mums. Sarahs baby, Jack, was a healthy, chubby lad; Emmas little Lucy had bright, inquisitive eyes.

Look at him, Sarah, so solemn, Emma cooed at Jack. Whos that serious little bloke? Hell be a professor, I can tell. Always scheming.

Ive no idea, Em, Sarah replied. Right now hes perfecting the art of screaming louder. Who knows? And your Lucy? Shes still tiny, but shes sprightly. A future commander, Im sure.

Exactly! Emma winked. When she grows up Ill send her to drama school, or ballet, or a choiranything to keep her from being scared of the stage. Right, love? She gushed at Lucy. Will she be an actress? And you, Jack, what will you do?

She tried to tidy his tiny hat.

Jack reached out, clumsily trying to grab Emmas finger, while Lucy spun around in her pram, clearly curious about the commotion.

Those are the first shy steps toward future relationships, Emma mused, catching Sarahs eye. Imagine whatll happen when theyre grownup. If they stay as close as we are?

That would be brilliant, Sarah smiled, picturing it. And what if they fell for each other? Wed be inlaws, with shared grandkids!

Exactly! Emma laughed. Theyll know each other from the diaper stage, share all our quirks and their own. Itd be a piece of cake.

Neighbours with their dogs and toddlers shuffled past, umbrellas bobbing, nodding politely.

***

Years slipped by unnoticed.

Jack and Lucy truly grew up side by side. Their first steps, first words, nursery, primary school, and even Year One were all shared. Sarahs prediction seemed spoton: Jack, fond of quiet games, always let Lucy have the most exciting toy. Lucy, ever the leader, decided which game to play, when homework was due, and who would carry whose backpack at recess.

By Year Five, things shifted.

Jack, becoming more independent, grew tired of always giving in to Lucy. Where hed once handed over a toy because it was easier, he now wondered why he should. Why am I always the one to share? he thought.

Give me that car! Lucy demanded, snatching his hand. You never play with it anyway.

Its mine, Jack replied.

And what? I want it too, but Ill let you play only when I feel like it! Listen to me! Lucy triumphed, as usual.

Jack remembered his mums advice: theyd both be friends forever. Their mothers were practically one soul, and it would be foolish to let childish grudges spoil that. So he endured Lucys bossy busseat choices, her dictating of games, her patronising glances at his hobbies.

Eventually Lucy fell for himin her usual commanding style, but with a blush. Jack, however, simply put up with it.

When they turned twentyfive, Jacks tolerance turned into something less pleasant. Lucys oncecharming cheekiness became clingy. She still hovered, waiting for the moment Jack would finally see her as his destiny.

Jack, love, you look pensive today, Sarah nudged him one morning over breakfast. Whats with the long face? Time to think about serious thingslike a family, perhaps?

Jack, more interested in his phone than the conversation, gave a vague grunt.

Tell me, Sarah lingered, you get along so well with Lucy. Shes a lovely girlperhaps a bit loudbut you could use a bit of that in your life. Wouldnt it be grand if you two married? Youre practically a perfect pair.

Jack had heard this line a dozen times.

Mum, were friends, just as you said. Im not getting married, he said.

Well, friends youve known each other forever! Youve been in the same nursery, sat sidebyside at school. It sounds more than friendshipmore like fate, Jack! Where else will you find someone who knows you as well as Lucy does?

Ive never felt anything for Lucy beyond friendship, Jack protested, eager to end the chat. And honestly, theres hardly any friendship left. Sure, I tolerated her as a kid because she was a drama queen, but now shes just an old acquaintance. Im not interested.

But she adores you! She always says youre brilliant

She says that to everyone she likes, Jack shrugged.

A tactic? Sarah asked. Do you think shes deceiving you?

No, Mum, shes not lying. She just craves attention, wants to be centre stage. I cant give her more than a friendly chat. I dont feel that romantic spark.

Emma and I always hoped you two would end up together

I understand you and Emma are friends, but I cant marry someone I have no feelings for. It would just end badly for both of us, Jack repeated.

But feelings can grow, Jack! Sarah persisted. How many times has that happened? Friendship first, then

If I dont feel it, I dont, Jack said, standing. Lucy isnt the woman Id spend my life with. Her idea of happiness differs from mine, and they dont match.

Sarah sighed, feeling sorry for Emma, who still dreamed of that perfect union, yet she also understood Jack.

Elsewhere, Lucy was scrolling through Jacks social media. Rare photos of him made her smile. He seemed different, not like the boys who tried to win her over with cheap tricks.

When will you get it? she whispered to herself.

Hey, love! her mother called.

Hi, Mum! Lucy replied. What have you been up to?

Out for a walk with Sarah. We were just talking about you again, Emma chimed in with a sly grin. She says Jacks being stubborn, not thinking about the future. Well try to persuade him.

Stubborn? Why? He never tells me anything

He says he has no feelings for you. Can you believe it? Years sidebyside, and no sparks.

But Lucy began. Hes always been there, always listening.

Exactly! Youve known each other since the diapers. Hes just being dense. Feelings are funny; they can appear at any time. The key is to stay close and never give up. Jack just hasnt realised youre unbeatable yet.

Im not giving up, Mum.

Back at home, Sarah felt uneasy. She treasured her friendship with Emma but also saw how exhausted Jack was from the constant matchmaking.

Emma, she said one evening on the phone, maybe I overdid it. Jack genuinely doesnt feel anything for Lucy. He told me the pressures getting to him.

Pressure? Emma asked, surprised. What kind of pressure?

The pressure to make us happy, to give Lucy a future with someone she loves. Ive always told her theyd marry.

For us mums, that would be lovely. But for them? They should live for themselves, not for us. If Jack feels nothing, then he feels nothing.

What should I tell Lucy? I dont see anyone else but Jack for her.

***

Lucy still lingered around. She bumped into Jack now and then, often by accident. Shed had a few boyfriends, none lasting long.

Jack was too busy with work to think about romance, but when he met Alice, things got complicated. Sarah first dismissed it as a fling, but when Jack introduced them properly, panic set in.

How do you picture this? Lucy snapped when Alice left. Were practically one big family with Emmas lot. How do I tell them Ill be bringing a new girl to all the gatherings? Emma will lose it.

Mum!! Jack shouted, exasperated. Cant you see youre overstepping? Youre telling me who I can date because Aunt Emma might get upset!

Im not telling you what to do, but Lucy loves you, Sarah whispered, not daring to say more.

Emma had recently drawn a line: if Jack brought another woman into the mix, she would cut ties with the whole clan. That meant Sarah could lose her best friend.

I cant return a love I dont feel, Jack confessed. Im sorry, truly. I cant make something out of nothing.

But shes suffering, Jack!

I see that, Mum. Im sorry. I just cant force a feeling that isnt there. It would be a lie, and I dont want to deceive anyone, especially myself.

But what if you just havent noticed? Youve known her forever; maybe you just see her as a friend, but deep down

I feel nothing. No spark, no desire to spend every moment together. Were just different, Mum. Very different.

Emma never forgave Sarah for that. Their contact dwindled to occasional greetings at mutual friends gatherings.

At a mutual friends wedding, Jack and Lucy found themselves sharing a table.

You look good, Lucy, Jack said, breaking the awkward silence.

You too, Jack, Lucy replied, her voice soft. Ive never stopped thinking about you.

I know, Jack sighed. And thats why it hurts. I cant meet the expectations you have. Im not the man who can make you happy the way you want.

Why cant you? Id do anything! she whispered.

Because I dont love you, Lucy. I dont think I ever will. Our mums have stopped talking because of this, but I cant change how I feel. Im sorry.

Lucy, finally, let go of the ultimatums her mother had always handed her.

I understand, Jack, she murmured. Forgive me. I think Ive been living in a fantasy for far too long.