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Він йшов на операцію, а вона заспокоювала його кілька днів.

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Він готувався до операції, а вона кілька днів заспокоювала його перед цим. Планова операція, вже давно час зробити, нічого страшного, всього кілька годин, подібні операції вже поставлені на потік, у нього гарні аналізи, міцне серце… Постійно повторювала ті самі слова, мов заведена. Він усміхався, гладив її руку і мовчав. Їй здавалося, що він її не чує, що все це вона говорить сама собі, себе заспокоює, собі пояснює.

Та так і було. Він слухав, але не чув. Просто дивився, як вона рухається по квартирі. Як накриває на стіл. Як п’є каву, дбайливо зварену ним на сніданок. Як хмуриться і турбується. Як сто разів перебирає в пакеті його лікарняні речі. Як нагадує зателефонувати сестрі у далеку країну.

Вже давно вони жили лише вдвох. Половину того життя, що прожили з батьками, сином, онуками. Батьків поховали, синові купили квартиру. Залишилися вдвох і на вихідних накривали столи, як колись, запрошували друзів. Влітку їздили на відпочинок. І постійно трималися за руки.

Переступили за 60-річний рубіж, а рук так і не роз’єднали.

Вони були таким єдиним цілим, що навіть імена не було сенсу вимовляти окремо.

Що вони пережили, розповідати довго. Всього було. Вона із дитячого будинку. Але раптом, коли її дитина вже виросла, знайшлася мама. Хвора, покинута, нікому не потрібна. Вона, не замислюючись, взяла її до себе. У свою тісну міську квартиру. Практично всі крутили пальцем біля виска. Мама залишила її в крихітному віці. І ніколи, ніколи в житті не згадувала, що в неї є донька. Вона дійсно не розуміла, чого від неї хочуть? Щоб вона кинула маму? Так само, як мама кинула її? Але ж їй було боляче, всі ці роки було дуже боляче! Вона не хоче, щоб так було з мамою…

Маму доглядали разом із чоловіком. Вона пролежала кілька років, два останні роки втратила розум. Але вони не нарікали, мовчки доглядали, годували, поїли, міняли підгузки і постіль, лікували…

Вона, властиво, могла все. Коли він був поруч. І нічого її не лякало. Коли він був поруч.

На операцію вона його провела. І сиділа під дверима. Чекала. Невелика операція, але все одно купа переживань. Він ніколи серйозно не хворів. І їй було трохи дивно сидіти і чекати закінчення його операції.

Машинально сунула руку в сумочку, намацала конверт. Здивувалася, наче жодних конвертів у неї в сумочці не повинно бути. Витягнула. Ще більше здивувалася — лист від нього. Коли він встиг написати? Коли в сумочку встиг підкласти? Вони ж наче весь час були разом, вона б помітила.

Прочитала. Дуже дивний лист. Він наче прощався. Вона сиділа, боячись рухнутися. Вона все зрозуміла. Ще до того, як лікарі вийшли з операційної.

Не переніс він незначної операції. Зупинилося серце. Те саме, наче здорове і ніколи не боліло…

А потім, після похоронів, валер’янки, порожнечі, неймовірного болю, вона витягнула з шафи свою кофту і намацала в кишені листок. Це була кумедна записка. Від нього. Пітемніло в очах. Полізла в іншу кишеню зимового пальта. І там записка. З пририсованою смішною рожицею.

У неї в квартирі був мільйон цих його записок. Написаних до зупинки серця на операційному столі. І знайдених нею після його похоронів.

Вона спочатку плакала, не могла читати, фізичну біль викликав навіть його почерк…

Потім почала читати. Він жартував, підбадьорював, питав, передбачав, шкодував, любив… Він був живим і колишнім у тих записках.

І, дивлячись мені в очі, вона раптом каже: — Розумієш, мені навіть соромно зізнатись у тому, що я тобі скажу. Соромно, коли навколо багато горя і багато проблем, коли наче так і не буває, всі одне на одного жаліються… Розумієш, я була дуже щаслива, як жінка. Дуже. Я не можу про це розповісти. Але я була дуже щаслива.

І десять років, щовечора, вона перечитує його записочки. Ті, які знаходила в квартирі ще довгий час. Ті, які їй тоді допомогли не зійти з розуму. Ті, які продовжують зберігати його тепло. І його любов.

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