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Все життя я мріяв бути на місці брата, але незабаром усе змінилося

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Весь час я мріяв бути на місці брата, але скоро все змінилося.

Моя мама завагітніла мною у вісімнадцять років. Батько покинув нас, щойно почув новину — йому не потрібна була сім’я, лише безкінечні вечірки і друзі. Батьки мами, мої дідусь та бабуся, були в гніві. У маленькому містечку під Харковом дитина без чоловіка вважалася ганьбою, і дідусь вигнав її з дому з криком: “Не хочу бачити таку безвідповідальну доньку!”. Я не можу уявити, як їй було — молодій, самотній, з малям на руках. Але вона вистояла: вступила на заочне, знайшла роботу, працювала понад силу. Їй виділили кімнату у гуртожитку, і ми почали життя вдвох. Мені довелося дорослішати швидше, ніж іншим дітям — я ходив за продуктами, прибирав, розігрівав їжу. Ігри? На них не було часу. З малих років я був її опорою, її єдиним чоловіком.

Я ніколи не скаржився — пишався цим. Але скоро в нашому житті з’явився Віктор. Він мені подобався: приносив цукерки, пригощав смаколиками, дбав про маму. Вона розквітала поруч з ним, і одного разу сказала: “Ми з Віктором одружимося, переїдемо у великий будинок”. Я був щасливий — мріяв про справжнього батька, і сподівався, що Віктор ним стане. Спочатку все було як у казці. У мене з’явився свій куток, я міг відпочивати, слухати музику, читати книги. Віктор допомагав мамі, і її очі сяяли від радості.

Але потім вона оголосила, що чекає дитину. Невдовзі Віктор сказав: “Тобі, Сашко, доведеться перебратися в комору. Там буде дитяча”. Я не зрозумів: у домі повно кімнат, чому саме я? Наступного дня мої речі вже лежали в тісній комірчині, де ледве поміщалося ліжко. Це було несправедливо, але я промовчав — звик терпіти.

Коли народився братик Михайлик, почався кошмар. Його крики не давали мені спати, я ходив як зомбі. У школі оцінки знизилися, вчителі сварили, а мама кричала: “Ти повинен бути прикладом для брата! Досить ганьбити нас, ледарю!” Михайлик підріс, і на мене звалили нові обов’язки — гуляти з ним, возити коляску у дворі. Друзі сміялися з мене, а я червонів від сорому, але мовчав. Все найкраще — іграшки, одяг — купувалося Михайликові. Я просив щось для себе, а Віктор сухо відповідав: “Грошей немає”. Я водив брата в садочок, забирав, годував, прибирав дім — жив в очікуванні, коли він виросте і дасть мені свободу.

Михайлик пішов до школи, і мама наказала допомагати йому з уроками. Він був розбещеним, примхливим — вчився відверто погано, а мої спроби його врозумити закінчувалися його скаргами мамі. Вона завжди ставала на його бік, а я отримував догану: “Ти старший, повинен бути терпеливішим!” Його переводили з школи в школу, але він всюди провалювався. Врешті віддали в приватну, де за гроші закривали очі на його двійки. Я ж пішов до технікуму на автослюсаря — не тому, що хотів, а щоб втекти з дому.

Потім були заочні курси, робота — я працював день і ніч, копив на своє житло. Одружився, знайшов спокій. А Михайлик? Віктор подарував йому квартиру, але він все одно живе з батьками, здає житло і витрачає гроші на дурниці. Працювати не хоче, валяється перед телевізором. Одного разу на Новий рік ми зібралися у батьків. Прийшла його чергова дівчина, Олена. Я випадково почув їхню розмову на кухні.

— Тобі пощастило з братом, — говорила вона моїй дружині, Таню. — Сашко такий працьовитий, відповідальний. Чому ж Михайлик не такий? Я прошу його з’їхатися, завести сім’ю, а він лише до мами липне. Гроші з оренди є, а користі?

— Так, Сашко молодець, — усміхнулася Таня. — Кинь Михайлика, він тебе не вартий. З нього чоловік не вийде.

Я завмер. Михайлик змінював дівчат, як рукавички, але жодна не затримувалася — мама їх усіх проганяла, вважаючи недостойними свого “золотого хлопчика”. А він і не пручався, жив у своїй ліні, як у коконі. І тут я зрозумів: я більше не заздрю йому. Все, про що я мріяв — бути на його місці, — виявилося порожнім. Доля дала мені випробування, але і нагородила за них. У мене є сім’я, любляча дружина, донька, дім, який я збудував власними руками. Я пишаюся собою, і вперше в житті мені не шкода, що я не Михайлик. Моє життя — моя перемога, вистраждана і справжня.

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