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Втомився від безладу вдома: тиждень у мами для спокою

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Тиждень у мами, а в мене вже нема силів стерпіти той хатинний безлад.

З дитинства мене виховували в оточенні, де лад і чистота були святими. Мама, попри роботу й дітей, завжди знаходила час, щоб хата сяяла. Кожна річ мала своє місце, підлога виблискувала, а у холодильнику пахло свіжістю. Так я й звик: затишок — це перш за все порядок. Одружившись, я й уявити не міг, що може бути інакше.

Але через три роки шлюбу я опинився серед вічного безладу. Кожен день, повертаючись з роботи, я буквально пробираюся крізь хаос. Гора брудної посуду в мийці, крихти на столі, переповнене сміття, а у холодильнику — закинуті страви, вкриті пліснявою. Підлога липка, у ванній — купа брудної білизни, а взуття в передпокої так і валяється, доки я сам його не приберу.

Донька вибігає мені назустріч у дірявих колготках, з кудлатими волоссям і в брудній блузі. Пройти коридором — справжній квест: дитячий візок, пакети, розкидані іграшки… Шафи роззявлені, речі випадають назовні. І це після того, як зранку я все склав сам. Чи ми живемо у великій трешці, чи в темній комірці — вже не зрозуміти.

Я намагався говорити. Спокійно, без звинувачень. Казав: «Марічко, давай хоча б мінімум порядку, мені важко в такому середовищі». Вона слухала, обіцяла, але нічого не змінювалось. Раніше, до народження дитини, ми все ділили навпіл: і прибирання, і готування. Раз на тиждень мили підлогу, витирали пил, мили посуд по черзі. Відчувався справжній союз.

Тепер же, коли я працюю до ночі, а Марійка весь день з дитиною, я просив лише одного: щоб не доводилося крокувати через купи одягу, шукати чисту чашку серед брудної посуду чи збирати шкарпетки по всій хаті. Я не відмовляюсь допомагати: кожного неділю мию підлогу, виношу сміття. Але я втомився. Втомився повертатись і не відпочивати, а розбирати купу речей. Втомився сваритись через дрібниці.

Зрештою, я поставив умову: або за три дні в хаті з’явиться порядок, або я їду. Вона засміялась, подумала — жарт. Але коли за троє діб нічого не змінилось, я мовчки зібрав речі й перебрався до мами. Вже тиждень тут. Сплю у своїй колишній кімнаті, їм гарячий борщ, відкриваю холодильник — і не боюсь побачити там щось рухоме.

Я не хочу розлучення. Я люблю Марійку. Люблю доньку. Але я не розумію, як можна жити в такому безладі. Я не прошу багато. Я прошу поваги. До дому. До себе. До наших стосунків. І якщо цього не буде… тоді, мабуть, доведеться обирати між тишею й любов’ю. Бо жити у вічному хаосі — це не життя. Це виживання.

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