We Pretended Not to Be Home to Avoid Visits from the Grandkids

We Started Pretending We Werent Home to Avoid Visits from the Grandkids

I never thought Id hear myself say out loud, “I dont want the grandchildren to visit.” Even Im ashamed of the thought. But every story has two sides, and perhaps, after hearing ours, youll understand why my wife and I hide inside our own flat.

Im 67, and my wife, Margaret, is 65. We became grandparents youngour daughter, Sophie, was barely 30 when she had her first child. Little Emily was born, and it felt like a new youth washed over us. Wed push her pram around Hyde Park, dote on her, buy toys, spoil her rotten. We were so happy wed joke, “Were young grandparentsmore energy to enjoy it all.” Back then, it truly felt like a blessing.

Then came the second childanother girl, Charlotte. We loved her just the same, took them on weekends, helped where we could. Sophie never had to askwe insisted. We adore our children and grandchildren. But then came the third birth twins. And suddenly, everything changed.

With the two boys, Oliver and Henry, our home turned to chaos. No more peaceful weekendsjust a full-blown nursery. Shouting, running, constant cryingendless mayhem. We grew weary. Not of loving them, but of sheer exhaustion. Id had heart surgery, and Margarets doctor forbade her from lifting heavy things. Yet Sophie seemed oblivious. Shed call to say, “Were on our way,” without asking if it suited us. Sometimes theyd show up unannounced, as if it were their right.

One day, spotting them approaching our door, I leaned close to Margaret and whispered, “Lets pretend were not here.” She nodded silently. We turned off the lights, froze still. They knocked, rang the bell, even tried the keysbut we hid like frightened children.

When they left, Margaret cried. Not from joyfrom bitterness. “How did it come to this?” she asked. And I had no answer.

We love our grandchildren, but were not a free nursery for the elderly. We want to live our days in peace, to sometimes just be the two of us, to read a book, to go to the West End. Were not obliged to be full-time babysitters.

Sophie was hurt when she found out wed been home and didnt answer. Said wed grown selfish. But I askis it selfish to want a bit of quiet and respect for our time?

Im not writing this to justify myself. Only to remind: growing old isnt a life sentence. Even grandparents deserve rest and boundaries. Loving your grandchildren doesnt mean letting them walk all over you. Its caring for themwithout forgetting to care for ourselves.