— What’s the deal with you and that Sophie? Why do you even want a wife like her? She had a baby, got all soft, and now she waddles about like a balloon. Do you think she’ll get back in shape? Sure, keep dreaming—it’s only going to get tougher!

Whats with you and that Poppy? Why do you even need a wife like that? She had the baby, got all soft, now she waddles around like a blimp. You think shell slim down? Sure, keep waitingitll only get worse!

Whats the deal with this sofa? Why do you even need a wife like that? She gave birth, spread out, now shes a walking cloud. Think shell shed the pounds? Yeah, keep dreamingits only going to get worse.

But shes calm, and I actually like the extra curves. She used to be as skinny as a matchsticknow shes got shape!

Frank said that about his wife and couldnt help smiling. His best mate, Simon, thumped him on the shoulder straight away.

Hold on, dont get carried away, mate. Who cares what you fancy. Youll turn up at the New Years office do at the firm and youll be too embarrassed to look the lads in the eye. Youre tall, broad, good looking. A womans prime is short, but us blokes? Were eligible bachelors at any age!

Frank just shook his head. Still, a tiny voice whispered that maybe hed been stuck in this marriage far too long. Once hed been a proper ladies manuntil Poppy turned him around. Calm, beautiful, kind, caring. And she cooks so well you cant pull yourself away from the plate. Frank himself had put on about ten kilos since they wed, and theyd just welcomed a baby.

Youve gotta change the wife now and then, like old tyres! Simon roared with laughter. I divorced mine and now Im seeing Lucy. Young, fit. And if anything goes pear-shaped, Ill swap her for someone else!

After that chat, Frank found Simons words looping in his head. Simon wound him up, and Frank suddenly started treating those thoughts as his own. Maybe hed really lingered too long in this marriage?

Poppy, youve, uh, put on

He barely got a word out when his wife, clutching their justasleep infant, widened her eyes.

And what of it? Ive gained five kiloswhat a tragedy? Im the one pulling nightshifts, working from home, looking after the baby, sorting the bills, paying the utilities, buying groceries, cooking everything! And youre going to nag me over five measly kilos?!

It felt like a pipe burst in Poppys soul. She wanted to sob at the thought that her husband didnt value any of it. If she left, hed be left alone with all the problems and drown in them.

Why do you keep harping on those kilos? I brought a whole human into the world, and youre fussing about weight!

Poppy sniffed and shuffled to the nursery with the baby cradled. Frank stayed planted in the armchair. If he had another wife, maybe she wouldnt be shouting.

Day after day, Frank sank deeper into the ideas Simon had planted. The more he thought about it, the more he saw Simon as right. He wouldnt ditch his childhed helpbut having a backup never hurt.

Look how Lucy from the second department is staring at you! She devours you with her eyes! Shes single, Ive checked. Gorgeous, athletic. Just look at hershe belongs on a canvas! Next to her, your Poppy doesnt even compare! Simon said, strolling over to the table.

Sure enough, Lucy was by the water cooler, a pretty young thing who glanced now and then at her colleague. Frank hadnt noticed any fire in her eyes Simon talked about. But Simon was more seasonedhe must know better!

Youll get home and a woman like that will be waiting! Imagineheels, lingerie, everything to make a bloke happy! And yours? Probably in a robe with baby spitup stains! Youre getting on a bitsoon itll be harder to find a lass.

Simon patted Frank on the shoulder, then slipped back to his department, tossing a couple of cheeky jokes at Lucy. Frank felt a pang of envy toward his mate. Simon could always strike up a conversation with any woman, then brag the next day about a new phone number or a night out.

Frank dropped by his mothers, spilling the beans about his wife, sort ofsince he hadnt decidedno longer fitting him. But Margaret, whod always been on her sons side, didnt back him this time.

You little wretch, your wife gave you a child, she works, runs the whole house, shes a beautyand you turn up your nose?! You men are all the same, Frank. You dont know how to value what you havealways eyeing the next catch like wolves. Then you end up old and alone, howling at the moon!

Her words flew right past his ears. He kept eyeing Lucy at work, catching her glances, thinking maybe Simon was right. Time marches onyoull never get someone that young again, no fortuneteller needed. One day Frank came home so wound up he could think of nothing except his mates chatter.

Frank sat opposite his wife, who was rocking the baby after yet another sleepless night. Dark circles under her eyes, her skin not quite the same as before. Shed lost the athletic shape she once had. He knew he loved her, but it terrified him to realise he might be missing all his male chances.

You know, Poppy, I think we should break up. Youve changed after giving birth. Ive realised a lot, and maybe it really is time.

His words were vague, stumbling over softer phrasing, and he felt like a foollike a gullible lad whos fallen for a phonescam and now averts his gaze whenever anyone mentions it.

At first Poppy didnt answer. She just met his light eyes, and in hers was only wearinessno anger, no disappointment. She laid the baby in the cot, grabbed two suitcases, took the child, and headed for the hallway. She hadnt spoken until then, but now it was clear she was leaving.

Frank wanted to shout, to stop her, to drop to his knees and apologise. But the moment he imagined humiliating himself in front of Simon by recounting the whole thing, those urges fled.

You know what, Frank Maybe you should live on your own for a whilewithout me, without your son. When you had that accident and were bedridden, I nursed you for a year. I worked at the same time, emptied your bedpans, got you exercises, found the best doctors, took out loans and repaid them. I never uttered a word about divorce or about us being not quite right. And you threw me out with a baby in my arms over five miserable kilos.

Poppy turned and left, not waiting for realisation to dawn on her husbands bewildered face. Frank stood in the doorway, listening to her footsteps fade, feeling nothing but a crushing sense of an irreversible mistake.

The next day Frank went to work with no mood for anything. Everything slipped from his hands. Simon bounced around him, congratulating him, slapping his back like boys in the playground.

Well, thats thatgo start flirting with Lucy. What a stunnerotherwise Ill nick her from you.

Simon laughed, but Frank wasnt amused. He looked up, and Simon seemed to get it.

Heres what Ill tell you, Simon. I was a idiot to believe you. I had a wife any bloke would die of envy over! I have a son, a good family! I dont need your young chicks!

You sound like a henpecked husband, not a man!

And a man, in your book, is someone who dumps his wife and his own child? Or a man who cant keep it in his pants and jumps from girl to girl? Or is a man, to you, someone who cant be faithful and bolts like a stray dog the second a skirt swishes by?

Simon took offence at the way Frank rebuked his adviceand at the sore spot those words hit. The two best mates had a blazing row. Frank decided that if nothing changed, hed cut Simon out of his life. With a best friend like that, who needs enemies?

That very day Frank marched back to his wife with a massive bouquet of flowers. He dropped to his knees, begged forgiveness, honestly admitting hed fallen for his mates tall tales. He blamed only himself and pleaded for pardon. Poppy forgave him; they moved back into their flat and began living in harmony. It even seemed to Frank that he loved her more than ever. He no longer saw her as merely the package that came with the baby.

To him, Poppy was the most beautiful, the very best. To hell with the kilos, with the tired look. Frank started helping actively, taking on more responsibility with the infant. Hed sit with the child, get up at night, put him to sleep. He took over the laundry and the cooking when needed. Meanwhile his wife began to blossomshe even signed up for the gym.

Little by little, in tiny steps, their relationship found its old rhythm again. Frank promised himself he would never do such a foolish thing again. For him, the whole episode became a vital lesson: always use your own head.