— What’s the deal with you and that Sophie? Why would you want a wife like her? She’s had a baby, got all soft, and now she just waddles around like a balloon. Do you really think she’ll get back in shape? Keep dreaming—it’s only going to get tougher!

Whats with you and that Poppy? Why on earth would you need a wife like that? Shes had a baby, got all softserviced, now she waddles around like a floating balloon. You think shell slim down? Sure, keep waitingit’s only going to get worse!

Whats the deal with that sofa? Why do you even want a wife like that? Shes given birth, spread herself out, now she shuffles about like a blimp. You reckon shell lose a few stone? Yeah, keep hopingitll just get worse!

But shes calm, and I actually like the extra curves. She used to be as skinny as a twignow shes got shape!

The bloke was talking about his wife and could barely suppress a grin. His best mate, Aaron Clarke, thumped him on the shoulder.

Hold up, dont get carried away, okay? Who cares what you fancy. Youll turn up with her at the New Years office party and youll be mortified to meet the lads eyes. Youre tall, broadshouldered, goodlooking. A womans prime is short, but us blokes? We stay eligible at any age!

Frederick Fred Brown just shook his head. Still, the notion crept in that perhaps hed been stuck in this marriage far too long. Once upon a time hed been a bit of a womaniseruntil Poppy turned him round. Calm, beautiful, kind, caring. And she cooks so well you cant tear yourself away from the plate. Fred had put on about ten kilos since theyd tied the knot, and theyd just welcomed a baby.

Youve got to change the wife now and then, like swapping out old tyres! Aaron roared with laughter. I divorced mine and now Im seeing Pippa. Young, fit. And if anything goes pear-shaped, Ill trade her in for another!

After that chat, Fred found his head buzzing with Aarons words. Aarons teasing wound him up, and suddenly the ideas sounded like his own. Maybe hed really lingered in this marriage?

Poppy, youve, uh, put on

He barely finished when his wife, clutching their justasleep infant to her chest, widened her eyes.

And what of it? Ive gained five kilosso what? Im the one looking after the baby, sleepdeprived, working from home. The whole household is on me: the baby, the work, the bills, the utilities, the grocery runs, the cooking! And you want to nag me about five measly kilos?!

It hit Poppy like a burst pipe in her soul. She wanted to sob at the hurt of feeling unappreciated. If she left, Fred would be left drowning in all those chores.

Why are you harping on the kilos? I brought a whole human into the world, and youre fussing about weight!

Poppy sniffed and padded off to the nursery with the baby. Fred stayed planted in his chair. If he had another wife, maybe she wouldnt be shouting.

Day by day, Fred sank deeper into the thoughts Aaron had planted. The more he mulled them over, the more convinced he became that Aaron was right. Hed never abandon his childhed helpbut having a backup never hurt.

Look at how Lily from the accounts department is looking at you! Shes devouring you with her eyes! Shes single, I checked. Beautiful, sporty. Just look at hershe belongs in a portrait! Next to her, your Poppy doesnt even measure up! Aaron said, sauntering over to the water cooler.

Sure enough, Lily, a pretty young woman, was glancing over every now and then. Fred hadnt noticed the fire Aaron boasted about, but Aaron fancied himself an expert.

Youll get home and a bird like that will be waiting! Imagineheels, lingerie, the whole lot to make a man happy! And yours? Probably in a robe with baby spitup stains! Youre getting onsoon itll be harder to find a lass.

Aaron clapped Fred on the shoulder, then slipped back to his desk, tossing a couple of cheeky jokes at Lily. Fred felt a pang of envy. Aaron could always strike up a conversation with any woman, walk away the next day with a phone number or a cheeky selfie from a night out.

Fred paid a visit to his mother, hoping shed back his musings about a wife who no longer suited him. But Margaret Thompson, whod always been on her sons side, gave him a solid earful.

You little wretch, your wife gave you a child, she works, runs the whole house, shes gorgeousand you turn up your nose?! You men are all the same, Fred. You never value what you havealways eyeing the next prize like wolves. Then you end up old and alone, howling at the moon!

Her words flew past his ears. He kept stealing glances at Lily at work, catching her looks, thinking maybe Aaron was onto something. Time marched onhed never find someone that young again, no need for a fortuneteller. One day Fred came home so wound up he could think of nothing but Aarons words.

He sat across from Poppy, who was rocking the baby after yet another sleepless night. Dark circles under her eyes, her skin no longer as smooth, her figure not the athletic one it once was. He realised he loved her, but the thought that he might be missing out on male chances terrified him.

You know, Poppy, I think we should split. Youve changed since the birth. Ive had a lot of thoughts, and maybe its time.

His words were vague, stumbling over themselves, making him feel like a fool, as if hed been conned by a telephone scam and now hid his eyes whenever anyone asked.

At first Poppy didnt answer. She just met his eyes, and all she showed was wearinessno anger, no disappointment. She laid the baby in the bassinet, packed two suitcases, grabbed the child, and walked out into the hallway. Shed said nothing until then, but now it was clear what she intended.

Fred wanted to shout, to stop her, to fall to his knees and apologise. Yet the very thought of embarrassing himself in front of Aaron by spilling the whole tale made him shut up.

You know what, Fred maybe you should live on your own for a whilewithout me, without our son. When you had that accident and were bedridden, I nursed you for a year. I worked at the same time, emptied your bedside tables, made you do your exercises, found the best doctors, took out loans and paid them off. I never said a word about divorce or that our relationship was off. And you threw me out with a baby in my arms over five miserable kilos.

Poppy turned and left, not waiting for any epiphany to dawn on Freds bewildered face. He stood in the doorway as her footsteps faded, feeling nothing but the crushing weight of an irreversible mistake.

The next morning Fred trudged into the office with no mood for anything. Everything slipped from his hands. Aaron bounded over, clapping him on the back like schoolboys.

Well, thats thatgo on and chat up Lily. Shes a stunnerotherwise Ill steal her from you.

Aaron laughed, but Fred wasnt amused. He looked up, and Aaron seemed to get it.

Heres the thing, Aaron. I was a fool to believe you. I had a wife any bloke would die of envy over! I have a son, a good family! I dont need your young chicks!

You sound like a henpecked husband, not a man!

And a man, in your book, is someone who ditches his wife and his own child? Or a man who cant keep it in his pants and jumps from girl to girl? Or is a man, to you, someone who cant stay faithful and bolts like a stray dog the second a skirt swishes by?

Aaron took offence at the jab, and the two friends erupted in a blazing row. Fred decided that if nothing changed, their friendship was over. With a best friend like that, you didnt need enemies.

That very day Fred marched back to Poppy with a massive bouquet of roses. He dropped to his knees, begged forgiveness, and honestly confessed hed been swayed by his mates tall tales. He blamed only himself and pleaded for a second chance. Poppy forgave him; they moved back into their flat and began to get along again. He even felt he loved her more than ever, no longer seeing her as a sideeffect of the marriage.

To him, Poppy was the most beautiful woman in the world. To hell with the kilos, with the tired eyes. Fred started helping activelychanging diapers, getting up at night, putting the baby to sleep, taking over the laundry and cooking when needed. Meanwhile Poppy blossomed tooshe even signed up for a gym.

Little by little, in tiny steps, their relationship fell back into its old rhythm. Fred promised himself he would never let such nonsense take hold again. For him, the whole episode turned into a vital lesson: always use your own head.