What You Cut Away Cannot Be Restored: Taia’s Search for Freedom, Three Marriages, and the Life Les…

WHATS CUT SHORT CANT BE RETURNED

Whenever Emily showed her wedding photos to her friends, she would always sigh and say,
Oh, I suffered in that dress! It looked stunning, but it was so heavy and bulky! Next time I get married, Ill pick something light and airy for a wedding gown.

Everyone thought Emily was joking and laughed along with her. And indeed, she was joking. Her friends knew Emily had married out of true love, born from a classic holiday romance. Emily was 21 at the time, Christopher was 28.

It happened one Augustgentle waves on the Cornish coast, sparkling prosecco, a sky full of stars, romance in the airall of it led to one thing: filing a marriage notice at the registry office. Before that, though, Christopher had to finalise his divorce from wife number two, and Emily had to move to Christophers hometown.

London Cornwall London. This became Emilys well-worn route, so familiar it was almost painful, for nearly a decade.

At first, the couple had to rent a little flat, as Christopher had gifted his own apartment to his second wife. The woman had threatened everything from swallowing pills to pouring bleach on anyone who came next, or jumping out the window if he dared not return! But, after a while, the ex-wife ceased her threats and quieted down. Perhaps Christopher had promised her something? As for his first wife, Christopher rarely spoke of her. That marriage had lasted all of eighteen monthsand hed successfully matched her to one of his friends soon after.

Wife number two stuck around longerthree yearslong enough for Christopher to discover her alarming attitude towards children. Human offspring, shed call them, as if speaking of animals!

None of this fazed Emily. She was independent, ambitious, self-assured and certain of her own beauty and uniqueness. Christopher doted on her. He felt as if hed stepped into paradise on Earth. When he bought flowers, it was always by the armful; shoes and boots, she could swap a new pair every day. Emily was treated to tripsLondon, Paris, the Lake Districtto broaden her horizons and gear up for the birth of their first child.

Soon, they welcomed a baby girl, Lily. While Emily cared for her, Christopher bought a charming cottage, furnishing it with everything his beloved girls could need. Every detail was lovingly attended to.

They celebrated moving in. Lily went to nursery school. Meanwhile, Emily threw herself into further education, but she preferred to study in her hometown. In London, with her friends, her mother, even the strangers on the street felt warm and pleasant. Sitting under familiar linden trees, she found peace.

Emily would leave Lily with Christophers mother, who adored her granddaughter. While she was away for her studies, Emily remained in her beloved London. Christopher, however, grew increasingly jealous and anxious. He would come to London often, devise comical coincidences and stakeouts just to see his wife in another city! Emily, though, gave him no real reason to worry. Or so it seemed

In truth, Emily often longed to escape the burdens of family life: endless chores, dishes to wash, floors to mop, a daughter to raise, a husband to attend. She felt as though life was passing her by. Why, she wondered, should a clever, beautiful woman be caught up with such trivialities?

After some time, Emily had three degrees tucked neatly in her purseall with distinction. Her main qualification was as a psychologist. Hopeful for work, she kept her documents close and eagerly searched for opportunities. But Christopher was dead set against it:

Do we not have enough money? hed say, exasperated. Emily, Ill lose my mind waiting for you to get in from work! How about we have another baby? A boy, a girlI dont care as long as youre home.

Emily, however, had no interest in being a mother again. She felt shed fulfilled her purpose: shed given life to her daughter, given Christopher a child. What more was expected of her? Her mother-in-law, hearing all this, suggested Lily stay with her, for Emilys still got some growing up to do. After all, a child needs love and attention from someone close, while Emily floated amongst her studies, always with her head in the clouds.
Without hesitation, Emily agreed. She left for London again without even giving Christopher advance notice. Ill call him from London, she decided.

But in London, a surprise was waitingChristopher himself. By now, hed figured out his wifes tricks.

Emily, wheres Lily? Why are you here and not at home in Cornwall? Have you started seeing someone else? he demanded.

Oh, Christopher, dont be silly! No admirers, no lovers. Im just bored of being with you, cant you see? I want my freedom! she replied, almost cheerfully.

Freedom? From me, from Lily? Wheres the love gone? Has it vanished into thin air? Are you having a midlife crisis? If so, well get through ittogether. Its nothing, love, pleaded Christopher.

We wont get through it, Christopher. Its over, Emily replied with finality.

Christopher turned to his mother-in-law for help. She simply shrugged,
What can I do? Its between the two of you. But you wont change Emilys mind, Christopher. Shes stubborn as a mule!

So Christopher returned to Cornwall alone. He was lost. How could he win his wife back? How could he bring their family together? He brooded, You try to do your best, yet it comes to nothing. Seems I just dont fit after all.

Days and weeks passed. Emily didnt visit. She did take his calls but only ever briefly: Im fine. And time marched on.

Eventually, Christopher made up his mind: hed sell his cottage, collect Lily and move to Londonall in the hope of saving his family.

Emily was icy about the idea and tried to dissuade him, saying, Youll upset Lily, you know. Shell have to change schools, lose her friends. Even Lilys grandma wont agree

But the real reason was that Emily was reveling in her freedom and wasnt willing to give it up. To live like a bird in the skysuch was Emilys new motto. She had started her own sewing business, rented a flat, and was surrounded by admirers, both men and women. She had no time to be lonelyso why go back to a husband or a child? Emily wanted to erase her former life from memory. To her, what had happened before felt like it had happened to someone else altogether.

Christopher didnt heed Emilys excuses and moved to London with Lily anyway. He continued to hope for a family reunion, for the love he still felt for his wife would not let go.

At first he would meet Emily after work, bring Lily alongthe girl was the spitting image of her mother. Useless. Emily was like stone. Nothing could disturb her calm. At last, Emily spoke plainly:

Christopher, leave me alone! Its time to get a divorce. I can put Lily up if you like.

But Lily was 11 and didnt need putting up anywhere. She had a loving father and a grandmother who prayed day and night for her granddaughter. Lily remembered her mother, loved her, and simply couldnt understand why her own mum had chosen to leave her.

Time hurried on. No one can stop it.
Life goes on, and everyone eventually gets what they deserve.

Christopher at last stopped fishing on dry land. He finally realised he would never reach Emilys heart.

Life presented him with a wonderful, ordinary womanone who stood firmly on the ground, with no flights of fancy. Now, Christopher and his new wife lived in a small village. She had two sons from her first marriage.

She had no desire for fancy trips to Paris or new designer boots. Just want a pair of wellies for the autumn mud, a good warm coat for tending to the animals, and to see the boys grow up to be good men. That was all she wished for.

Christopher felt safe, comfortable, and truly at homeWhere theres simplicity, youll find a hundred angels, but where theres guile, not a single one. Not long after, a daughter was born into their family. At last, Christopher found real happinesseven if it took four tries. He experienced an honest, pure love. The first three marriages he preferred not to dwell on.

And what of Emily? She still lived with her mother in her childhood home. One day, a business associate promised her the world, then left her with nothing, taking what little she had. Her sewing business unravelled and faded away. All the hopeful suitors disappeared, and Emily found herself alone.

In the end, the matches that had seemed so promising all fell away. Emily now works as a school psychologistat least her degrees werent wasted. She claims not to regret anything. Still, the human soul is unfathomably deep. Whos to say whether, one day, a flicker of regret wont spark in Emilys heart? Perhaps the bird in the sky will, at last, come back down to earth.

Meanwhile, Lily, now grown and married herself, lives with her husband and grandmother in Cornwallthe same grandmother who raised her.

On Lilys wedding day, she wore a light, airy gown, as beautiful as Emily had once wished for herself. A gown her mother, Emily, had gifted her.

Whats shortened cant be mended. Sometimes, chasing freedom, we leave behind what truly mattersonly realising their worth when theyre gone.