What You Cut Away, You Can’t Restore: A Story of Love, Marriage, and Second Chances from Brighton to…

WHATS CUT SHORT CANT BE BROUGHT BACK

Whenever Lucy shows her wedding photos to friends, she always sighs with a wry smile, Oh, I suffered in that dress! It looked gorgeous, but goodness, was it heavy and unwieldy. Next time I get married, Ill pick a light, floaty little gown.

Everyone is convinced Lucy is joking. They always laugh along. Lucy is, in fact, making a joke. Her friends know she married for lovea genuine romance that began on holiday. Lucy was 21, and James was 28.

It was August, the sea was warm, the prosecco sparkled, and the sky was lit with starsa perfect setting for romance. All of it combined to lead them, swiftly, to the registry office. Not before James had to finalize his divorce from his second wife, and Lucy had to move to his hometown.

ManchesterBrightonManchester: that route would become so familiar to Lucy over the next decade that each mile seemed carved into her soul.

But that was later. At first, the newlyweds had to rent a flat. James had given his old one to his second wife, who threatened to overdose on pills, douse the next Mrs. James in acid, or jump out a window if he didnt return to her embrace.

Eventually, the second wife faded into the background, perhaps believing James would come back to her. As for the first wife, James preferred to forget that tale. That marriage had lasted a year and a halfirreconcilable differences. Barely had that ended before James set up his first wife with one of his mates, bringing happiness to all involved, himself included.

His second marriage lasted a little longer. Three years was enough for James to glimpse the unsettling nature of his chosen onea woman who refused to have human children, as she called babies.

None of these past dramas bothered Lucy. She was independent, ambitious, brimming with confidence in her beauty and uniqueness. James adored her. He was certain paradise existed right here, so long as they were together. Hed buy her armfuls of flowers, designer coats in triplicate, and shoes so plentiful she could change them daily. He whisked Lucy off to London, Paris, and even the Lake Districtto broaden their horizons, hed say, and gather their strength for their soon-to-be child.

Soon enough, little Emily arrived. While Lucy cared for their daughter, James bought and lovingly furnished a cottage for his girls.

They celebrated moving in, and Emily started nursery school.

Lucy dedicated herself to further learning, but she preferred to do it in Manchester, her hometown. There were friends, her mum, and the streets lined with lime trees all felt safe and familiar.

She left Emily with her mother-in-law, who doted on her granddaughter, while Lucy attended her classes for the term in Manchester. James became wildly jealous, making comical and awkward trips to Manchester for surprise encounters, even in another city! To be fair, Lucy gave him little cause for worryor so he thought.

Truth was, Lucy just always wanted out of the monotony of domestic life. She could study forever if only it meant avoiding the dishes, the floors, the laundry, the husband, and the child-rearing. Life, so short and precious, seemed to be slipping through her fingers. Why, she wondered, should someone clever and attractive as she be bogged down in mundane chores?

Eventually, Lucy had three certificates in her handbagall with distinction. Her main profession: psychology. She carried all her credentials with pride, eager to find work. James, on the other hand, objected:

Dont we have enough money already? Ill go mad waiting for you to come home from work, Lucy! Lets have a son insteador another daughter, I dont mind. I just want you close.

But Lucy couldnt picture herself as a mother again. She considered her mission fulfilled: she had given her husband a child; what more was expected? Her mother-in-law, hearing Lucys lofty reasoning, suggested that she keep looking after Emily herselfat least until Lucy grew up.

After all, her daughter-in-law had no time for her child, preferring to chase studies and drift in the clouds. But a child needed love and attention from someone dear. Lucy, without a moments hesitation, agreed and took off to Manchester again, not even warning James. Ill ring from Manchester, she decided.

But there, in Manchester, James was waiting for her. Hed learned to anticipate his wifes little schemes.

Lucy, wheres Emily? Why are you here, not in Brighton? Do you have a new admirer? he accused.

Oh, James, dont fly off the handle! Theres no one else. Im just bored, you see? I want my freedom! said Lucy calmly.

Freedom? From me and from your daughter? But where has love gone? Evaporated? Maybe youve hit a midlife crisis? Well get through it together, Lucyits nothing! James pleaded.

No, we wont, said Lucy, leaving no room for doubt.

James went to seek advice from Lucys mum. She just shrugged. What can I do? Youll have to sort it yourselves. Lucys not for turningshes as stubborn as they come!

James returned to Brighton alone, at a loss. How could he bring Lucy to her senses? How could he rebuild their family? None of it made senseNo good deed goes unpunished, he mused.

Days, then weeks, drifted by. Lucy didnt return. Shed answer calls, but only curtly, Im fine.

Time wore on.

Eventually, James decidedwith heavy heartto sell up, take Emily, and move to Manchester, determined to save the family.

Lucy, however, was chilly to the idea. She tried to talk James out of it, worried about uprooting Emily, whod have to start a new school and leave her friends. Not to mention Emilys grandmother would be appalled.

But it was all a smokescreen. Lucy was relishing her independence and had no intention of giving it up. To live like a bird on the wingthat was Lucys motto. Shed started her own businessa dressmaking studiorented a flat, and amassed a small collection of admirers. Women like Lucy never lacked company. ThenJames and Emily? Why? Lucy longed to erase that chapter from her life. The past felt like it belonged to someone else.

James ignored Lucys arguments and moved with his daughter to Manchester anyway. He still hoped they could come together as a family, and his well-worn love for Lucy hadnt faded.

At first, James would meet Lucy after work, bring their daughter along (and little Emily was, after all, her mothers spitting image). Useless. Lucy seemed untouched by it all, unmoved and remote. One day, she ended it:

James, leave me alone! Its time we got divorced. Emilys welcome to stay with me if she wants.

Emily was eleven by then. She didnt need looking after. She had a devoted dad and grandmother who prayed for her every night. She remembered her mother, still loved her, but couldnt understand why Lucy had chosen, so willingly, to walk away.

Time passes. No one can stop it.
Life goes on. Everyone gets their just deserts.

James stopped fishing on dry land. He realised long ago he could never touch Lucys heart.

Fate brought James an ordinary woman. She was grounded, her feet firmly on the earth, not forever chasing clouds. They now lived in a village. James wife had two sons from her own first marriage.

It turned out, she didnt need the excitement of London or Paris, designer coats, or a hundred pairs of shoes. Just a pair of wellies for the rain, a warm jacket for the farm, and the hope of getting my lads a good start in life. Simple wishes.

James finally felt peaceful, warm, and at home. (Where things are simple, angels gather; where things are knotted, none can be found.) Soon, they had a baby girl together. For the first time, James found real happinesseven if only on the fourth try. He felt the purest love, and kept the memories of his first three marriages corked up tight.

As for Lucy, she stayed with her mum, in her mothers house. One of her business partners once promised her the world, only to fleece her blind. Her tailoring business unraveled and came to nothing. The line of would-be husbands vanished overnight.

In short: many proposals, but all turned out to be empty. Lucy now works as a school psychologisther studies, at least, put to use. She doesnt regret her choices. Yet the human soul is unfathomable. Can there yet spark remorse in Lucys heart, the skylark? Who knows

Emily, meanwhilenow grownlives with her husband and the grandmother who raised her, down in Brighton.

On her wedding day, Emily wore the daintiest, breeziest wedding dress. A gift from her mother, Lucy.