З життя
When I Stepped Out of the Shower After Standing Under the Water for Ten Minutes, Numb to Heat or Cold, He Was Already on the Couch Scrolling Through His Phone
When I stepped out of the showerwhere Id stood under the water for at least ten minutes, numb, not feeling the heat or the coldhe was already on the sofa, scrolling through his phone. The flat, as usual, looked like a bombsite. I walked past him without a word.
Oh, so youre in a strop again? he muttered sarcastically, not even looking up. Maybe you could start with the kitchen while the kids are asleep.
I stopped. Everything inside me was tremblingnot from hurt, but from something fierce, something like resolve. Suddenly, it was crystal clear: if I didnt break this vicious cycle now, Id disappear.
No, I said quietly. Today, Im not starting anything.
He lifted his head and stared at me.
What do you mean, no?
I wont. I wont clean, I wont do the laundry, I wont cook.
He laughed.
Here we go again Have a nap, youll feel better tomorrow.
But I didnt nap. I quietly packed a baga few clothes, my phone, my documents. And I walked out the door. No explanations.
Outside, it was cold, the wind sweeping down the street, but I took a deep breath like it was the first real one Id had in years. I called my sistershe didnt ask questions.
Come over, she said. Ive got a spare room.
I stayed with her for three days. Three days without nagging, without should or must. The first day, I barely got out of bed. By the second, I started thinking.
On the fourth day, I went back. Not homejust to the door. Where before thered been an exhausted, guilt-ridden woman, now someone else walked in. I wanted to see his face when it hit himwhat hed lost.
He opened the door and went pale.
Where the hell have you been? Youve no idea what its been like here with the kids! Everythings fallen apart!
I stepped inside and looked around. Same messunwashed dishes, toys strewn everywhere.
I see, I said calmly. Exactly what it looked like when I was doing everything.
He frowned.
Dont start a row. I cant keep up on my own, Ive got no time
Twelve-hour shifts, I cut in. Every day. And then coming home to more work. Now you get it, dont you?
Silence. Then, quietly:
I didnt realise it was this hard.
I sat at the table and pulled out a sheet of paper.
Look, I said. This is reality.
He saw the listhour by hour, Id written down how much time cooking, laundry, the kids, the house took. Beneath it, his daily tasks. The difference was glaring.
You actually worked this out? he asked, stunned.
Yes. This is our life. Yours and mine.
For a few minutes, he just stared at the paper. Then he got up and went into the kitchen. He didnt say a word, but I heard the tap runninghe was doing the dishes.
Dont expect me to get it all straight away, he said quietly. But Ill try.
His voice wavered. And I just sat in the armchair, listening to the water, the movements, the house slowly settling.
That night, the kids went to bed early. He sat beside me.
Ive been a right git, he said. Im sorry.
I dont want an apology, I replied. Just understanding.
He nodded.
I get it.
A few days later, he bought a dishwasher. Then a tumble dryer. But the real change? He started getting up earlier to make the kids breakfast, and sometimes hed pick me up after work so we could go home together.
It didnt magically fix everything overnight. There were slip-ups, rows, exhaustion.
But slowly, he learnedits not the tidiness of the house that matters, but the people in it.
Now, six months later, the flat doesnt look like a bombsite anymore. On weekends, we take the kids to the park. Sometimes he even jokes:
Ill do the hoovering today. Or dyou wanna vanish for another three days?
And I laugh. Because now he knowsI could. But I dont have to.
He learned his lesson. For good.
