When You Tried to Keep Your Hands Clean

James, could you hand me the car keys, please? Mum needs a ride to the GP right now, Emma said, reaching for her husband who was sprawled on the sofa. Ill be back in two hours tops, Ill get your darling home safe and sound.

James didnt even look up from his phone.

No.

What do you mean no? Emma dropped her hand, a little annoyed. Its your day off, youre not going anywhere. Mums blood pressure is spiking, she really feels awful.

I said no, so its no, James finally muttered, finally putting his phone down to stare at her. Women behind the wheel are always a recipe for disaster youll cut someone off, smash into a lamppost, something else, you name it.

Emma took a step closer, fists clenched.

James, what are you on about?!

Whats wrong with what I said? I still have three years left on the car loan. Im not going to gamble my credit on a quick trip, he replied, diving back into his screen as if that ended the conversation.

Emma just stared at the top of his head, then turned and stormed out of the living room, slamming the door behind her. In the hallway she grabbed her phone and booked a taxi. The roundtrip cost her about fifteen pounds. Mum kept apologising for the hassle the whole way, while Emma bit her lip, thinking how easily James could have sorted it if hed wanted to.

When Emma got back, James was waiting in the hallway with a guilty look.

Sorry, love. I know I was a prat. I didnt think about how badly Mum needed help, he tried to pull her into a hug, but she stepped back.

Back off.

Come on, Emma, dont be mad. Im apologising! I know I was wrong.

Emma walked past him straight into the kitchen, saying nothing. James followed, still trying to make amends.

How about a cuppa? Or a glass of wine? We can talk calmly?

Emma switched on the kettle and started scrubbing the dishes with the kind of fury that makes you want to turn the plates into mush. James lingered for a few minutes, then retreated to the bedroom.

Two months slipped by in a tense silence. Emma answered James in monosyllables, only when absolutely necessary. He tried a few times to raise the subject of making up, but each attempt hit a wall of cold indifference.

One Saturday morning Emma was at the kitchen chopping veg for a stew. Rain pattered against the windows and the flat felt oddly cosy. She put on some soft music and let herself unwind after a hard week at work.

A sudden knock at the door made her jump. She wiped her hands on a towel and went to answer, wondering who could be there at such an hour.

Mrs. Patel? Emma took a step back as she saw her motherinlaw, her face flushed with anger.

Youve lost all sense of decency! Mrs. Patel stormed in. You only think about getting my son into debt! Do you even care how hell live after this?

Emma blinked, trying to make sense of the outburst.

Mrs. Patel, what are you talking about? Whats happened?

Whats happened? the older woman snapped, eyes blazing. You smashed Jamess car! Now my son will be paying off a loan for a heap of scrap metal for three years!

Emma felt the floor drop out from under her.

Mrs. Patel, Ive never even driven Jamess car. Never! He turned me down when I asked for the keys.

Youre lying! Mrs. Patel hissed. He told me everything! How could you take his car and then wreck it?

Just then James stepped into the hallway. Mrs. Patel lunged at him.

She wont even admit it! James, darling, how are you going to live now? Three years of payments for a busted car! No car, no cash!

Emma stared at James, hoping hed clear things up. He only lowered his head and gave a barely perceptible nod.

James? Emmas voice came out hoarse. Tell Mum the truth. Tell her I never took your car.

James stayed silent, staring at the socks on his slippers.

When exactly did I supposedly smash your car? Emma turned to her motherinlaw, a metallic edge to her tone. Give me a date.

Mrs. Patel triumphantly pulled out her phone.

Tuesday at twop.m.! Ive saved all the messages with James. Here! she thrust the phone toward Emma.

Emma flicked through her memory of that Tuesday. A work conference

Tuesday? she chuckled, and the laugh cut her motherinlaw off. I was at an offsite conference all day, from seven in the morning till nine at night.

Mrs. Patels face went from smug to baffled.

But James said

James lied, Emma said, stepping toward her husband. Right, love? Now tell us the truth. Who actually wrecked that precious car?

James lifted his head, his cheeks turning a shade of red.

Mum, Im sorry. Im the one who crashed the car, he stammered. I didnt want you to get angry with Emma, so I tried to pin it on her.

You blamed an innocent person! Emmas anger surged. And you even got Mum on your side!

Mrs Patel slumped into a chair, her face paling.

James, how could you? Why lie? Why? she whispered.

Mom, you know Im terrible at driving. Remember when I was eighteen and scratched Dads car? You didnt speak to me for a week, James tried to take his mothers hand, but she pulled away.

So you thought it was easier to blame Emma? Mrs Patel said, slowly getting to her feet. Youre an adult, James! How can you shift the blame onto a woman?

Emma stood with her arms crossed, watching this family drama unfold. Her rage softened into something like fatigue and disappointment.

You know what, James? When you refused to let me use the car to take my mum to the doctor, I thought you were just a selfish, greedy bloke. Turns out youre even worse. Youre a coward.

Emma, please, dont James reached out.

Stop! she lifted a hand. Dont. You were ready to ruin our relationship just to avoid admitting your mistake to my mother.

I wanted to be honest! I just didnt know how to start

You didnt know how to start? Emma laughed, but there was no humour in it. Sorry, Emma thats how a real apology begins.

Mrs Patel suddenly spoke to her son.

James, do you realise I thought Emma was selfish and irresponsible? And now you tell me she had nothing to do with it?

Mom, Ill change, Ill

Change? Emma moved to the window, looking out at the grey, drizzly day. How are you going to fix what I now know about you? That when push comes to shove youd rather blame me so you could walk away clean?

The flat fell into a heavy silence.

Emma, James whispered, what now?

She didnt turn to him.

I dont know, James. I thought Id married a man I could rely on. Turns out hed throw me under the bus at the first chance.

Its not true! I love you!

Love? The person who loves you wouldnt act like this. A loving partner doesnt make the other suffer for his own peace of mind.

Mrs Patel rose from her chair and approached Emma.

Emma, Im sorry. Im sorry I believed the lies, for shouting at you. I was wrong.

Mrs Patel, you reacted like any mother would protecting her child. I have no complaints against you, Emma said, a flicker of sympathy in her eyes. But towards James?

There are serious grievances, Emma admitted.

James sprang up and rushed to his wife.

Emma, tell me what to do. Ill do anything to be forgiven!

Now you say youll do anything, she said, stepping back from his touch. Youve already lied once and shoved the blame onto me. That shows who you really are, James.

Ill change!

People dont change in a day, especially not those who can be that ruthless.

She walked back to the kitchen, leaving James and his mother alone with their thoughts. Behind the door faint voices could be heard as Mrs Patel scolded her son.

Emmas mind raced through options. What now? How to live with a husband like this?

There was no way. No matter how hard Emma tried, she couldnt erase it.

She opened the browser on her phone and typed, How to get a divorce quickly? The decision was made.