Why I Refuse to Live with My Daughter’s Family: The Real Reasons Behind My Decision

I dont want to live with my daughters familyand Ill tell you why.

My daughter and her family suddenly found themselves without anywhere to live. Flooding had made their flat in London uninhabitable and it needed serious repairs. With few options left, my future daughter-in-law and her family moved in with me.

It was clear they truly had nowhere else to turn, so I welcomed them into my home. Still, after talking things through with my daughter and son-in-law, we all decided this was only a temporary fix and that theyd move back to their own place as soon as possible.

My daughter, Alice, is absolutely wonderful, and my son-in-law, Thomas, is not the type to make trouble. They understood completely: every family is an independent unit, and anyone outside of that circle is, however close, still a guest rather than a core member. I take this view quite seriously, and I think its worth explaining why.

I have my own patterns and style of life, which differ a great deal from Alices and Thomass routines. For example, I might be able to tolerate sharing my space with my daughter, but Thomas is, in essence, still a guest to meand he needs his own privacy just as much as I need mine. Theres no point in arguing about my habit of falling asleep with the telly on, or the occasions when Alice and Thomas want to host friends at the house. Everyone has their own standards of order and cleanliness, so its not worth sparring over unwashed dishes. These little grievances have the power to eat away at even the strongest relationships.

Furthermore, our mealtime preferences are completely at odds. And what can be done about unexpected guests turning up? Its no secret that people can be tempted by anothers treats, and putting a padlock on the fridge isnt a realistic answer.

Then theres the clash of sleeping habits: different routines mean someone is always tiptoeing about, trying not to wake the other. People can be insensitive to the sleep of othersand sleep deprivation can spark irritability and tension. Sometimes all it takes is one small grievance for tempers to flare.

Moreover, I dont wish to judge the lives of my daughter and her husband. Ive taught Alice everything I could when she was young. Now, I only want herand Thomasto share with me what they choose. Living under the same roof makes it impossible not to know more than youd like.

Most importantly, I need to choose for myself how and when I help them, and I want to do so freely, not out of obligation. Its also important to have time for myself.

Life has shown meno matter how much you love your family, distance can be key to preserving peace and respect. Sometimes, giving each other space is the kindest gift we can offer.