З життя
Зрада від найближчих: той, кого вважала сином, завжди тримав кинджал за пазухою
Людмила довго йшла вулицею. Від такого зрадництва найближчих людей аж жити не хотілося. Вона вважала його сином. А виявилося, що він завжди камінь за пазухою тримав. Якесь дивне вираження, завжди стереотипи її дратували. Думала по-доброму: поганих людей не існує, бувають лише дурні вчинки. Через такі вчинки та страждають рідні.
З Ігорем був її другий шлюб. Перший виявився невдалим, довго не могла після цього отямитися. Навіть обіцяла собі, що ніколи більше не вийде заміж. Але минув час, і все змінилося.
Разом з Ігорем працювали багато років. Він був одружений на її найкращій подрузі. І коли Людмила переживала життєві негаразди з невдачливим чоловіком, вони були поруч. Усе про неї знали. Коли Валентина захворіла, настав час віддавати борги. Тож Людмила збирала гроші на операцію, прала, готувала, прибирала, поки подруга в лікарні лежала. Але всі зусилля виявилися марними, Валя померла.
Після смерті дружини, Ігор був у відчаї. Тому Людмилі довелося взяти всі клопоти по похованню на себе. Потім допомагала виховувати Сергійка. А коли після церемонії річниці смерті Валі, Ігор буденним тоном сказав:
– Залишайся у нас.
Вона погодилася. Дійсно, Сергію без матері не можна. Чужа жінка навряд чи полюбить чужу дитину.
Хто знає, чи це була любов, чи просто звичка, але родина вийшла хорошою і дружньою. Сергій почав було Людмилу мамою кликати, та вона зупинила його:
– У тебе мама Валя. Ніколи не забувай про неї.
Дві маленькі квартири об’єднали в одну велику. Як належить, записали на главу родини. Кілька разів Ігор пропонував Людмилі оформити стосунки, але вона все відмовлялася. Навіщо нам, ми ж не дітей хочемо заводити? Хіба нам мало клопоту з Сергієм? І справді з ним було достатньо клопоту. Хлопчик зростав добрим, але непосидючим. Коли в садок ходив, вихователі скаржилися. А вже зі школи так і взагалі телефонували кілька разів на день. Ігор сердився, сварив, навіть бив намагався.
А Людмила захищала його:
– Себе згадай. Теж, мабуть, не був подарунком. – Ігор посміхався, згадуючи себе.
– Що ж тепер, всі такими безладниками мають бути? Мене батько знаєш, як ганяв…
– Ти кращим від цього став?
– Ні, але все-таки. Як пояснити, що таке добре, а що таке погано?
Людмила засмутилася від спогадів, коли ж це сталося. Так би й не дізналася, якби не помер Ігор. Так не мало б статися. Людина не може в сорок п’ять років померти від якогось тромба. От якби він хворів, встигли б підготуватися. Ігор заповіт би склав. Але його смерть була настільки несподіваною, настільки нелепою. Здавалося, що вона разом з ним померла.
Сергій вже дорослий хлопець, в університеті навчається, зустрічається з дівчиною. Не очікувала від нього Людмила нічого поганого. А він прийшов після похорону ввечері з бабусею. Видно, сам не міг цього зробити, потрібна була підтримка. І сказав:
– Квартира моя і бабусина. А ти тут ніхто. Даємо тобі місяць, щоб виїхала.
Людмила навіть нічого не могла сказати, так її ці слова шокували. З іншого боку, якщо син, якого вона виховала, міг її як бездомну собаку вигнати, значить, поганою була вона матір’ю. Значить, все життя даремно пройшло. Тим самим їй. Але куди тепер звернутися, як жити. Невже все потрібно спочатку починати?
Минуло вже два тижні після візиту сина, а Людмила так і не придумала, що робити. Нікому не розповідала, соромно було. Вона ж ним пишалася, хвалилася його успіхами. Як він сам в університет вступив, яка дівчина у нього хороша. А що тепер? Не її це син. Вона йому не потрібна. Немає їй місця у його житті.
Людмила переверталася, не могла заснути. У двері постукали. Вона неохоче піднялася, натягла на себе халат, тапочки і пішла відчиняти двері. Скільки разів Ігор казав їй питати, хто прийшов. Не навчилася, вірила вона людям. Надавала надію, що нічого поганого з нею не трапиться. На порозі стояв Сергій:
– Мамо Людо, пробач мене. Це все бабуся, – сльози заважали йому говорити, – бабуся казала, що ти все собі забереш. Говорила, що в наш дім когось приведеш, і мені вже нічого не дістанеться. Сам не знаю, як так вийшло. Живи тут скільки хочеш, хоч усе життя. Це ж твій дім. А мені нічого не треба. Я хочу, щоб у мене, як раніше, мама була. – Людмила плакала, Сергій витирав їй сльози рукою.
– А чому ж ти не відкрив своїм ключем? – запитала Людмила.
– Не хотів у твоє життя вторгатися.
– Дурненький, яке в мене життя без тебе?
Вони ще довго стояли прямо через поріг, дивлячись один на одного, плакали. Поки, нарешті, першою не отямилася Людмила.
– Що ж ми стоїмо, ходімо чай пити.
– Ходімо, мені стільки тобі потрібно розповісти!
“I Gave Birth to Your Son, But We Don’t Want Anything from You” – The Mistress Called Lera’s husband looked at her like a chastened dog. “That’s right, you didn’t mishear me, Lera. I… I had someone else, half a year ago. Just a few times—nothing serious, just a fling. And now, she’s given birth to my son. Recently…” Lera’s head was spinning. Talk about earth-shattering news! Her steady, loving husband, a child on the side! The meaning of what he said barely penetrated. For a moment, she simply stared. He sat across from her, shoulders hunched, hands squeezed tight between his knees. He seemed smaller than usual—deflated somehow. “A son, then,” repeated Lera. “So, you, a married man, now have a son. And it wasn’t your wife who gave birth. Not me…” “Lera, honestly, I didn’t even know. I swear.” “You didn’t know how babies are made? You’re forty, Nick.” “I didn’t know she’d… well, that she’d choose to keep it. We broke up long ago, she’s with her husband now. I thought that was it.” He fumbled with his words. “Then, yesterday, a call: ‘You’ve got a son. Seven pounds, healthy.’ And then she hung up…” Lera stood, legs unsteady, knees like jelly as if she’d just run a marathon. Outside, autumn raged. Lera found herself distracted by the view—beautiful, even now. “So what now?” she asked, her back to him. “I don’t know,” he whispered. “Oh, great answer. A real man’s answer. You don’t know.” She spun around. “Are you going over there? To see him?” Nick, panic in his eyes, managed to mumble, “Lera, she gave me the hospital’s address, said discharge is in two days. She said: ‘Come if you want, don’t if you don’t. We don’t want anything from you.’” “Very noble of her…” Lera echoed. “‘We don’t want anything.’ How naive…” The front door slammed—her two eldest had returned. Instantly, Lera slipped on a smile. Years in business had taught her to keep her head up, even when a deal was falling apart. Their older son poked his head into the kitchen—a tall, broad-shouldered lad, twenty. “Hey, Mum, Dad. You both look glum! Mum, is there any food? We’re starving after training.” “Manty in the fridge, heat it up,” she replied automatically. “Dad, you promised to look at the carburettor on my rust-bucket,” called out her younger son, clapping Nick’s shoulder. The family scene stabbed at Lera’s heart. They called him Dad. Their real father had faded into the background years ago—now just money transfers and the occasional postcard. Nick had raised them: taught them to drive, patched scraped knees, handled school issues. He was their real dad. “I’ll take a look, Alex,” Nick smiled. “Give Mum and me a minute.” They left, clattering plates. Lera turned to him. “They love you,” she whispered. “And yet you…” “Lera, stop it. I love them too. They’re my boys. And I’m not leaving. I’ve told you—it was a mistake, an error in judgment. Nothing serious.” “Nothing serious—just the kind of mistake that leads to changing nappies,” she shot back. Their six-year-old daughter, Maisie, then burst in, and Lera’s composure cracked. Maisie leapt into her dad’s lap. “Daddy! Why are you sad? Did Mum scold you?” Nick pulled her close, burying his face in her pale hair. For her, Lera knew, he would do anything. “No, princess. Just adult stuff. Go pop on cartoons, I’ll be in soon.” With Maisie gone, silence fell again. “Everything’s changed, you know,” Lera said quietly, sitting again. “There’s a son out there, and he needs a dad. That woman says ‘nothing now’, but give it time—when there’s winter coats to buy or doctor’s bills, she’ll ring. And you’ll go. You’re kind-hearted, Nick—you always have been.” He said nothing. “And the money, Nick? Where are you going to get that?” Lera’s words hit their mark. His business collapsed two years ago—their debts paid from her earnings. He scraped by now, but everything important—home, cars, holidays, the kids’ education—came from her. Even his bank card was one attached to her account. “I’ll figure it out,” he muttered. “Driving Ubers at night? Or dipping into my purse to support your lovechild? I bankroll us, and now you’ll bankroll them—with my money?” “She’s not my mistress!” Nick barked. “It was over six months ago!” “Children have a way of binding people closer than any marriage certificate. Will you go to the hospital when they discharge her?” The question hung in the air. Nick covered his face with his hands. “I don’t know, Lera. Human decency says I should—after all, it’s not the child’s fault.” “And what about human decency toward me? Toward Maisie and the boys? You’ll hold that child, and you’ll get attached. Soon it’ll be weekly visits… then weekends away. You’ll start lying—to me, to the kids.” Nick grimaced. “She’s eight years younger than me, Nick. Thirty-two. She gave you a son—your own, flesh and blood. My sons aren’t yours by blood, as much as you raised them. That boy out there—he is.” Nick protested: “Nonsense. The boys are mine. I raised them.” “Men always want a legacy. Their very own.” “We have Maisie!” “She’s a girl, Nick…” Nick stood abruptly. “Enough! Stop pushing me out the door. I said I’m staying. I can’t just ignore the fact that somewhere there’s my own son. If you want me gone, I’ll leave—right now, pack my things and be gone. But don’t try to blackmail me, Lera!” Lera froze. If she said “leave” now, he would go—foolish, prideful, and broke. But he’d go straight to them. There, he’d be a hero, a savior, father—albeit a penniless one, but theirs. And then she’d lose him for good. Despite the pain, she didn’t want that. The children loved him. She did, too. “SIT,” she whispered. “No one’s throwing you out.” He hesitated, breathing heavily, then sat. “Lera, I’m sorry. I’m such a fool…” “A fool,” she agreed. “But MY fool…” That evening, Lera helped Maisie with homework, checked work emails… but her thoughts kept drifting. She pictured the other woman, young and beautiful, probably feeling victorious. “We don’t want anything!”—the most damning move of all. No demands, no drama, just presenting the facts. That pricks a man’s pride—makes him want to be the hero. Nick tossed and turned at night; Lera lay awake, staring into the dark. She was forty-five: gorgeous, stylish, successful—but aware that youth was not forever. The future belonged to that other woman. * The next morning was harder still. The boys ate quickly and left. Maisie cornered her father: “Daddy, braid my hair? Mum doesn’t do it right!” Nick obliged, his large hands strangely gentle. Lera sipped her coffee and watched: here was her husband—warm, familiar, hers. And out there was another child, who had the same claim. How was this fair? “Nick,” she said, as Maisie rushed off to dress. “We need to decide—now.” He set the brush aside. “I thought about it all night.” “And?” “I’m not going to the hospital.” Lera felt something tighten in her chest, but hid it. “Why?” “Because if I go, I’ll give hope—to her, to myself, to that child. I can’t be a part-time dad, split between two homes. I don’t want to lie to you, Lera. I don’t want to steal time from Maisie or the boys.” He looked at her, exhausted. “I chose you eleven years ago. You’re my wife. This—this is my family.” “And the boy?” Even she was surprised to hear herself ask it. “I’ll pay support. Through the courts or with a bank account—whatever’s needed. But visits? No. Better he grows up never knowing me, than waiting for a father who’s just watching the clock, desperate to get home to his real family. That’s fairer.” Lera was silent, rolling her wedding ring around her finger. “You’re sure you won’t regret this?” “I probably will,” Nick admitted. “I’ll worry, I’m sure. But if I go, I lose you—and you won’t stand for that. You’re strong, but not made of stone. You’ll start to hate me, and I can’t let that happen.” He crossed the kitchen, resting his hands on her shoulders. “I don’t want another life. I want you—and the kids. The rest is the price for my mistake. I’ll pay in money, and only in money. No time. No attention. That’s all I’ve got to give.” She placed her hand over his. “Your own money?” she smirked. “I’ll earn it. I’ll find a way. I’ll never ask for your help with this.” And with that, she was at peace. Her husband may not have behaved honourably toward her, but these were exactly the words she had needed. No sharing. The other woman could deal with her choices. Nick never went to the hospital. The mistress soon flooded his phone with angry voicemails. He told her bluntly: she could expect financial support, nothing more. She hung up, and for half a year—there wasn’t another word from her. Lera was more than satisfied with that.
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