З життя
Продрані шкарпетки мого сина
Коли мій син Тарас із невісткою Олесею завітали до мене на вечерю, я, як завжди, накрила стіл, як на свято: борщ, деруни, сало, салат — усе, що він любить. Але коли Тарас роззувся у передпокої, я ледве не впала: на обох шкарпетках маячили дірки, з яких нахабно визирали пальці! Я завзмерла, ніби грім мене вдарив. Невже це мій син, якого я виростила, вдягала, вчила доглядати за собою, ходить у такому лахмітті? І де, прошу, очі в його дружини? Ви ж розумієте, це вже якась межа! Я досі не можу прийти до тями після цього видовища, і мені треба виговоритися, інакше просто лусну від обурення.
Я, Оксана Петрівна, все життя старалася, щоб мій Тарас ні в чому не потребував. Шила йому сорочки, купувала найкращі черевики, навіть коли самій доводилося економити. Він виріс, став архітектором, одружився з Олесею — дівчиною, яка тоді здавалася мені лагідною та господарською. Вони живуть у своїй квартирі, обидва працюють, наче все у них гаразд. Я не лізу в їхнє життя, але інколи запрошую на вечерю, щоб побачитися, пригостити їх домашньою їжею. І ось, будь ласка, я в жаху від виду його шкарпеток! Це не просто дірки — це крик про допомогу, сигнал, що в їхньому домі щось пішло не так.
Все почалося, коли вони зайшли. Я, як завжди, метушилася, розставляла тарілки, підігрівала котлети. Тарас зняв черевики, і я глянула на його ноги. Спочатку подумала, що це здалося: не може бути, щоб мій син, завжди охайний, ходив у таких обірках. Але ні — це були шкарпетки, що, здавалося, пережили атомну війну: дірки з обох боків, п’яти стерті, а пальці визирають, немов просяться на волю. Я заціпеніла, навіть ложку впустила. Олеся, помітивши мій погляд, засміялася: “Ой, Оксано Петрівно, це він сам, я йому сто разів казала нові купити”. Сам? А ти, любонько, куди дивилась?
За вечерею я не могла зосередитись. Дивилася на Тараса, який із задоволенням уплітав борщ, і думала: як дійшло до такого? Я його виховувала не для того, щоб він ходив, як жебрак. А Олеся сиділа, балакала про свою роботу, ніби нічого не трапилося. Я не витримала: “Тарасе, сину, що це в тебе за шкарпетки? Це ж соромно!” Він зніяковів, знизав плечима: “Мамо, та годі, просто старі, не встиг викинути”. Не встиг? А Олеся додала: “Оксано Петрівно, він сам їх одягає, я ж не стежу за його гардеробом”. Не стежиш? А хто ж має стежити за чоловіком, як не дружина?
Я намагалася стримуватись, але всередині кипіло. Після вечері, коли Олеся пішла у вітальню, я шепотом спитала Тараса: “Сину, у вас що, ганчір’я немає? Чи прати некому?” Він лише махнув рукою: “Мамо, не починай, усе гаразд. Просто не помітив”. Не помітив? Та ці дірки видно з Місяця! Я хотіла поговорити з Олесею, але злякалася, що вона знову відшутиться. Замість цього я пішла до шафи, дістала пару нових шкарпеток, що купувала Тарасові на день народження, і сунула йому: “Візьми, надінь, а то боляче дивитись”. Він посміхнувся, подякував, але я бачила — йому байдуже.
Додому я їх відпустила, але не могла заснути. В голові вертілося: як так? Олеся, звісно, працює, втомлюється, але хіба це виправдання? Я в її віки і роботу тягнула, і за домом доглядала, і за чоловіком, і за дитиною. А вона що, не може кинути три пари шкарпеток у пральку чи купити нові? У магазині їх повно, на будь-який гаразд! Чи це зараз модно — ходити в лахмітті? Я згадувала, як Олеся завжди охайно вдягнена, з манікюром, а мій син — у шкарпетках, що розлізаються. І це не просто шкарпетки — це символ! Символ того, що їй, мабуть, начхати на чоловіка.
Наступного дня я подзвонила подрузі, Марійці, щоб виговоритись. Вона вислухала й сказала: “Оксанко, це не твоя справа. Вони дорослі, самі розберуться”. Дорослі? А хто ж тоді за них розбереться, якщо Тарас ходить, як жебрак? Марійка додала: “Може, Олеся не вважає це своїм обов’язком. Нині жінки інші”. Інші? Я не проти, нехай працюють, кар’єру будують, але елементарна турбота про чоловіка — це що, теж застаріло? Я не чекаю, щоб вона кожен день борщі варила, але шкарпетки-то можна зашити!
Я вирішила поговорити з Олесею. Подзвонила, запросила на чай, щоб без Тараса. Сказала: “Олесю, вибач, що лізу, але як ти можеш допускати, щоб Тарас у таких шкарпетках ходив? Це ж твій чоловік”. Вона здивувалась: “Оксано Петрівно, він дорослий, сам вибирає, що вдягнути. Я йому сто разів казала, щоб купив нові”. Дорослий? А ти, значить, не бачиш, що він у дірявих ходить? Я натякнула, що дружина має стежити за такими речами, а вона лише усміхнулась: “У нас рівноправ’я, я за його гардеробомНе стерпівши, я купила Тарасові цілу валізу нових шкарпеток і потаємно підклала їх у комод, бо зрозуміла — іншого способу захистити сина від дірявих ностальгій у мене немає.
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The Nuisance Next Door “Keep your hands off my crystal glasses!” shouted the former friend. “Mind your own eyes! You think I don’t see who you’re ogling?” “So you’re jealous, are you?” Tamara Barrington was taken aback. “Just look who you’re after! I know what I’m getting you for Christmas—a lip-zipping machine!” “Why not keep it for yourself?” retorted Lynda, undeterred. “Or have you already worn yours out? You think I don’t notice?” Old Mrs. Tamara swung her legs off the creaky bed and walked over to her home icon shelf to read her morning prayer. Not that she was especially religious—she believed there was something out there running things, but who exactly remained a mystery. This all-powerful force went by many names: the universe, fate, and, of course, the Good Lord—a kindly old gent with a white beard and halo, sitting on his cloud and worrying about folks down on Earth. Besides, Mrs. Barrington was long past life’s halfway mark and edging near seventy. At that age, it was best not to quarrel with the Almighty: If He didn’t exist, believers lost nothing. If He did, non-believers lost everything. At the end of her morning devotions, Tamara added a few words of her own. Ritual, done. Soul at peace. She could start her new day. In Tamara Barrington’s life there were two main troubles. Not, as you might think, the usual English gripes of weather and taxes—those were old hat! Her nightmares were her neighbour, Lynda, and her own grandchildren. The grandchildren were predictable: today’s kids, not an ounce of effort in them. But they had parents to deal with them—let them take that on! Lynda, however, was a classic nerve-shredder of a neighbour! Only in the movies do the spats between national treasures like Dame Judi Dench and Maggie Smith seem sweet and charming. In real life, it’s nowhere near so cute—especially when the nitpicking is personal and persistent. To make matters more colourful, Mrs. Tamara had a chum with the nickname “Pete the Moped.” In full, it was Peter Ephraim Cosgrove—the surname a solid English sort! The origin of his nickname was obvious: In his youth, Pete Cosgrove—such a ring to it, eh?—loved zipping around on his scooter. Or as his mates called it, his “mopette.” In time, the battered moped gathered dust in the shed, but the nickname stuck like only village monikers can. In their younger days, they were family friends: Pete and his wife Nina with Tamara and her late husband. Now both of their spouses were resting peacefully in the village cemetery. So Tamara and Pete, whose friendship went back to school days, carried on together by habit—he was a true, loyal friend. Back in school, their trio—her, Pete, and Lynda—had pulled off friendship splendidly. Real, pure camaraderie—no teenage flirting involved. They always moved as a trio: Their strapping gentleman between two smartly dressed ladies, each on his arm. Like one of those double-handled English tea cups—built not to be dropped! As the years went by, the friendships changed. First came a chill from Lynda, then outright spite. It was as if Lynda had been swapped for someone else—a different script altogether! This switch came after her husband passed away; before that, things had been tolerable. It’s no surprise: time sharpens certain traits. The thrifty turn stingy. Chatty types grow unbearable. And envy—well, it will tear you to pieces. And there was plenty to envy! First, despite her years, Tamara stayed trim and neat, while Lynda had become rather dumpy—a common by-product of time. Tamara always cut a better figure. Second, their old friend Pete now lavished more attention on lively Tamara. They whispered and laughed over private jokes, their silvery heads nearly touching. With Lynda, conversation was limited to short, dry remarks. And Pete visited Tamara far more often, while Lynda had to beg for his company. Perhaps Lynda wasn’t as clever as infuriating Tamara, nor as quick with a joke—Pete had always loved a good laugh. Ah, there’s a fine old English word—”yakking”—which would fit what Lynda did these days: picking fights over every little thing. First, she complained Tamara’s loo was in the wrong spot and stank! “Your privy stinks up the whole place!” grumbled Lynda. “Rubbish! It’s been there for ages—you only just noticed?” Tamara riposted. “Oh yes! And your eye implants were on the NHS! Nothing good comes free, you know!” “Keep your nose out of my cataracts!” shot back Lynda. “Watch who you’re giving the side-eye!” And so it went, again and again. Pete even suggested filling in the old outside toilet and setting one up inside. Tamara’s children pooled money to sort out an indoor loo for their mum. Pete himself helped fill in the old pit—problem solved. Lynda, find something new to complain about! She did: Now she accused Tamara’s grandkids of stealing pears from her tree, whose branches hung well into Tamara’s plot. “They thought it was ours,” Tamara tried to explain, doubting the kids took any—she hadn’t seen any missing. “Besides, your chickens are always scratching round in my veg patch!” “A chicken is a simple creature! Either a broiler or a layer!” Lynda retorted. “And you ought to be raising your grandkids right, not giggling with old men all day!” On it went: the pears, the tree branches, the chickens, and always some new row to pick. In the end, Pete suggested cutting back the offending branches—after all, they were on Tamara’s side of the fence. Under his watchful eye, Lynda kept silent for once. Once that was sorted, Tamara took exception to Lynda’s new breed of chickens, which now truly did dig up her beds. She politely asked Lynda to keep them fenced in. Lynda only smirked: “Sweep away for all I care—see what you can do!” Tamara would never dream of catching a chicken and roasting it to prove a point—she was too soft-hearted for a risky experiment. Instead, clever Pete suggested an idea from the internet: quietly scatter eggs in the beds at night, and collect them next morning. It worked! Lynda, seeing Tamara returning with a full bowl of eggs, was flabbergasted—and her chickens never trespassed again. Couldn’t they just make peace now? Not likely! Now it was the smoke and smell from Tamara’s summer kitchen that bothered Lynda. “Yesterday I didn’t mind it, but today I do! And maybe I’m vegetarian! Haven’t you heard Parliament passed a law about barbecue smoke?” “Where do you even see a barbecue, Lynda?” Tamara tried reasoning. “You might want to wipe your glasses once in a while!” Always patient, Tamara finally lost her cool. Lynda had become utterly impossible—some words just suit her! “Maybe she ought to be sent off for experiments,” Tamara sighed to Pete over tea. “She’s eating me alive!” Weary and thin from the daily stress, Tamara thought she might waste away—but Pete encouraged her to hang in there. One bright morning, Tamara heard a familiar song: “Tammy, Tammy, come out from your cottage!” Outside, Pete stood proudly beside his newly repaired moped. “Why was I so glum before?” he proclaimed. “It’s because my moped was down! Now climb on, darling, let’s relive our youth!” Tamara hopped on. After all, Parliament had officially cancelled old age: everyone was now an active pensioner at sixty-five! She rode off into her new life—literally and figuratively. Before long, Tamara became Mrs. Cosgrove—Pete proposed, and the puzzle was complete. She left her worries (and her cantankerous neighbour) behind and moved in with her new husband. Lynda remained a solitary, grumpy woman—who, with no one left to argue with, turned all her bitterness inwards. But you can bet she found new things to envy. So hold tight, Tamara, and maybe don’t step outside too soon! Village life—it’s a real song, isn’t it? What did you expect? All that fuss over a loo, for nothing…
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