Mum, I Forgive You!

Mother, I forgive you, Lucy whispered.

Margaret Ellis lay still. One quiet evening she called her daughter over.

Lucy, my dear, Im dying. The time has come for me to tell you everything. Im afraid I dont have long left. Forgive me, love.

Mother, dont say that! Ill call an ambulance right now!

No ambulance, Lucy. Listen to me!

The ailing woman began her tale. It happened many years ago, my child. I had a friend, Eleanor. We both grew up in the county orphanage. We became friends there, and later we both went to the teachertraining college. After we finished, we were both posted to a tiny rural school.

We were assigned to different lodgings: they put me in a vacant cottage beside the school, and Eleanor with an elderly couple on the neighboring farm. All our free time we spent together. We would go to the village hall for dances, the band always playing a lively accordion. The accordionist was a handsome lad. The moment I saw him I knew he was the one I had been waiting for all my life. His name was William, darkeyed and striking.

Every weekend Eleanor and I would race to the hall. I could not take my eyes off William, and his warm voice lingered in my mind. My heart fluttered whenever his gaze brushed my cheek. Then I noticed that the accordionist kept looking at Eleanor, smiling at her, and she seemed to blossom under his attention. I realised William preferred the shy, unassuming Eleanor.

I tried countless times to catch his eye, but nothing worked; he never even noticed me. My jealousy grew into a fierce hatred for Eleanor. She glowed with happiness, oblivious to my burning resentment. One day she burst into my room, beaming, and whispered:

Margaret, William and I are getting married soon.

I understood that my world was ending. Despair crushed me; I stopped eating and sleeping, and all I could think of was that William must be mine alone. I would do anything for that. I heard from the locals that an old wisewoman named Agnes lived in the next village. I went to her for help.

I know why youve come, the crone said.

Fear seized me at first, but thinking of William gave me courage. Agnes brewed a love potion, filled a bottle and handed it to me.

Pour this into his drink, she instructed.

I tried to give her money, but she burst out laughing.

I need no coin. Youll find out what I really want. Go now.

That evening Eleanor and William came to visit. It was the perfect moment. I quickly set the table and slipped the potion into Williams glass. He drank it, and his demeanor changed instantly. Sensing something amiss, Eleanor whisked him away home. By morning William stood at my doorstep, insisting that I was the only one he loved. The crone had not deceived meI had my William. We married soon after and lived happily. William adored me completely, and I could not imagine life without him. You may ask, what of Eleanor?

Eleanor avoided us, yet we still had to meet occasionally. I still see her sorrowful face and tearfilled eyes. The old couple where she lived spat at me and called me a witch. Rumours spread through the village that Eleanor was pregnant by William and had contemplated ending her life. I felt pity for her, but my husband was my everything.

One day an elderly farmer, John, whose wife Eleanor lived with, appeared at our door.

Come with me, he said.

Why? I asked.

Your friend is dying. She calls for you, he replied.

He looked at me, and I followed him silently. In the farmhouse the baby of the old couple was crying. On the bed lay Eleanor, pale and barely breathing. My heart ached and I thought of leaving, but then Eleanor opened her eyes and whispered:

Margaret, Im dying. Take my child. Let Lucy have a father she reached out, but her hand dropped helplessly.

The old couple clasped each others hands in prayer.

Grandma Matilda wailed loudly and thrust a swaddled bundle into my hands. It was you, my daughter. I did not want to take you, but the old man growled:

I would never entrust this child to you! Yet the wish of the departed Eleanor must be honoured. She was a good soul; may she find peace. Take the girl and go home, and by Gods grace, do not harm her!

Thus you entered my life. Your father was angry that I had taken you, and your endless crying vexed both him and me. William changed, started drinking heavily and often stayed out late. My oncebright life crumbled, and I could do nothing. Daughter, you cannot imagine how much I came to hate you!

I longed for my own child, and then you fell into my arms. Soon after I discovered I was pregnant. When William learned this, he gave up the bottle and dreamed of a son. Happiness seemed to return to our home. A few weeks before the birth, I had a nightmare: I was in a forest clearing, a hideous beast with black, matted fur reached for me with clawed paws.

Do you know me? I have come to claim what is mine, the creature hissed in Agness voice.

I awoke screaming in pain, and that night I delivered a stillborn boy. Your father, griefstricken, returned to the bottle and died soon after, freezing in the snow. John and Matilda followed, leaving me alone in the white world. Lucy, you became the meaning of my sinful life, without which I could not exist.

You grew into a woman, so much like your mother. I tried repeatedly to tell you the truth and ask forgiveness, but I never could. You married, gave me a wonderful grandson. Now I have no time left for heavy confessions, and I dread leaving this world bearing such a burden.

I am responsible for my parents deaths. Will you forgive me, my child? My sin is great before God and before you.

Lucy trembled. Tears streamed from the young womans eyes. She gathered all her strength, embraced the pleading mother, and whispered:

Mother, I forgive you.

Margaret Ellis died that night, peacefully in her sleep, a faint smile frozen on her lips.

We all carry the weight of our choices, but the only true release comes from granting forgivenessboth to others and to ourselves.