The Kidnapping of the Century: “I Want Men to Chase Me and Cry Because They Can’t Catch Up!” – Marin…

The Kidnapping of the Century

I want blokes to chase after me and cry because they cant catch up! Emily read her wish aloud from a slip of paper, struck a match, and dropped the ashes into her prosecco. She finished her glass to the laughter of her friends.

The Christmas tree blinked thoughtfully, then suddenly glowed even brighter. Music grew louder, champagne glasses clinked, and faces blurred together into a joyful firework of a celebration. Gold glitter seemed to rain down from the branchesor maybe thats simply how it all felt

Muuuum Mum, wake up!

Emily pried open one eye. Standing over her was what looked like a football squad.

And who are you, exactly? Do I know you, children? she mumbled.

The children, grinning mischievously, began to introduce themselves as if in a play:

Mum, come on, remember! Olivernine, Harryseven, Jackfive, Freddiethree!

The whole gangno substitutions, each with a devious smile and brimming with determination. Not exactly the sort of chaps Emily had imagined chasing after her on New Years Eve…

So, wheres your coach?I meanwheres your dad? she croaked, her throat parched. Bring some water for Mummy, would you?

She only closed her eyes for a momentthen again: Mu-um!

Two glasses of water, a clementine, and a mug of gherkin brine (heavens!) appeared in her hands. The eldest already knew the exact secrets for reviving their mother post-festivities. Clearly growing up.

Mum, come on, you promised… whined the littlest ones.

Emily racked her brain, sincerely trying to recall how she ended up here, and what it was shed promised.

The cinema?

Nooo.

McDonalds?

Nope!

The toy shop?

Oh, muuum! Dont pretend! Were nearly ready, and youre still not up!

So where are we all going then? Someone tell your mother! she relented.

Darling, time to wake up, came a mans voice. In walked a tall, dark-haired man. In his hazel eyes, golden sparks flickered. Blimey, what a stunner!

Were good to go, Ive packed the car. Well nip by the supermarket then head off!

Emily did her level best to remember who this man was and why these children were calling her mum. Her mind was blanklike a well-polished table. Not a clue in sight.

Mum, dont forget our swim trunks! Yours too! piped up one from the kids room.

Theres a pool involved as well? she wondered. What magic life is this, and why dont I remember any of it?

Emily slowly surveyed the room. With each passing second, it only grew clearer: she didnt recognise any of this. Not a single photo on the chest of drawers, nor the furniture, nor the thick curtains with their strange pattern.

The room was unfamiliar, bar one thing: a poinsettia, red and velvety, in a white pot decorated with little pearl beads. Somehow, her only anchor.

She shut her eyes and gingerly tugged at the thread of yesterday. She and the girls had gathered in a restaurant to celebrate New Years and play Secret Santajust like the old days, only now with posh handbags, intricate hairdos, and terminally busy diaries.

The girls had been radiant, giddy with the brief freedom: husbands, kids, lessons, nurseries, endless choresall left behind for one night. They glowed like schoolgirls bunking off the final lesson.

Only Emily seemed calm and poised, as always. Unmarried, her own boss. No one to check in with, no one waiting at home.

Last of the bachelorettes! the girls would tease, topping up her glass of sparkling wine.

Shed gifted her friend a set of beauty products with black caviar and gold threadto general hilarity, jokes about spreading that cream on toast or serving it with breakfast champagne. Theyd snapped photos of the box from all angles, as if it were a sculpture and not just cosmetics.

In return, Emily had received a Christmas poinsettiathe very plant, in that familiar beaded pot. Plus, a bottle of rare sparkling wine her friend had brought from a château in France. One of those whispered-about bottles, for a special occasion.

Shed read the wish or toast on the paper and… that was it. Total blackout. Like the old joke: Came in, fell down, woke upplaster cast.

Emily peered into the mirror. Same young womans face, same glittering eye makeup as at the party. Then where had the kids come from? The husband? She couldnt remember giving birth, changing nappiesshe didnt even recall marrying the dishy man now leading her household! Yet she knew the childrens names, but not the husbands. Something fishy was going on.

She stepped into the hall. Suitcases sat there on wheels. Two large, grown-up onesone jet black, the other beige, with the logo of a luxury brand. Beside them, three sporty childrens backpacks.

So, not a woodland picnic then. But where were they off to? An actual holiday?

Just then, the husband returned. He whipped up the cases with practised ease, gently shepherding her to the door.

Well be late, he said smoothly, no irritation at all.

Emily glanced down at her handand froze. No wedding ring! Not on her finger, not on his. One more mystery. Or…?

The kids tumbled into a spacious family minivan. Backpacks thrown in, seatbelts clipped in perfect unison. The man took the wheel, and Emily settled into the front seat, taking a deep breath.

He immediately handed her a cup of coffeemilky, just how she loathed it. For some reason, that stung most of all.

Off we go! he said cheerily, winking at the kids as he pulled away. The farther they went from the house, the more anxious Emily became.

The children chattered merrily in the back, arguing over snacks and giggling. The driver focused on the road, glancing at her now and then with a playful look, as if sharing a secret shed forgotten.

Emily watched the countryside flash by and felt like a hedgehog in the mist. Everything seemed normal: family, car, journey. And yet she understood none of it.

They hit the dual carriageway, speeding away from town. Emily now believed nothing, but deep down she was quite surethese werent her children, nor her husband!

He must have kidnapped them!

No… they must have kidnapped her!

How else would she know the kids names? The puzzle only deepened, and finally she reached the most logicalif wildconclusion: shed been abducted by a stranger, and something had to be done.

Emily straightened in her seat, gripped the cup of coffee tighter, and feigned interest in the road ahead. But inside, another version of herselfa survivorwas switching on.

Half an hour later, the children staged a mutiny.

Dad, I need the loo!

Im thirsty!

Can we have a snack?

The car pulled in at a service station. Everyone piled out and trooped into the building.

Nows my chance! Emilys heart pounded loud enough to drown out the motorway noise. With everyone distracted, she slipped out of the café, ducked low and hurried towards the car. She lunged for the drivers seat

But there were no keys in the ignition.

There you are! We were just looking for you, came his calm voice through the open window, making Emily jump.

Well, since everyones here, lets be off, he said warmly. Darling, Ill drive, you have a rest. And off they all went again.

An hour later, the airport appeared aheadglass and concrete, flush with people and cars. They parked up and streamed inside.

Emily was completely on edgeshe wouldnt let herself be spirited away! She slipped back from the group, ready to fight to the last.

Suddenly, she broke away.

This is a kidnapping! Help! she shouted, racing to the nearest security guard.

Security pounced in a flash; Emily was tripped, pushed to the ground, her hands cuffed behind her. Armed officers crowded around.

Wait! Hold on! I can explain! yelled the man shed branded the kidnapper.

Its a New Years prank! A joke! Were unarmed! Theres no kidnapping!

Emily could hear his voice only faintly, as if underwater. Then, clear as in a film, she saw themher girlfriends behind a big advert board. Smiling, puzzled, scared, yet happy.

Mum! the kids shrieked, running to one of the womenwho was, odd as it seemed, one of her friends. The others dashed to the officers, apologising, giggling, explaining, and begging them to let their kidnapper go.

Emily was set upright, the handcuffs removed. The world stopped spinning. She stood in the middle of the airport, hair frazzled, heart racingthen realised: she hadnt been abducted.

Shed been well and truly pranked.

Once her adrenaline finally ebbed and the ringing subsided, Emily began to understand.

A prankan epic one. Orchestrated, costly, dramatic. Kind of brilliant.

Her friends flocked around, talking over each other, laughing, and trying to justify themselves.

Turns out, theyd wanted to introduce Emily to a nice blokethe very same one whod had a soft spot for her forever but never plucked up the courage to approach properly: her friends all knew she shunned direct setups.

Thanks, but no thanks. Im fine as I am, shed always insist.

So, theyd skipped the persuasion and gone straight for immersion. Why not show her what family life could feel like? Here: a morning with kids, a considerate man, a routine without drama, a smile from a strikingly handsome chap with eyes to make anyone blush.

We wanted you to stop thinking and to just feel it, her friends admitted.

Emily realised she was finding it impossible to be angry. Yes, the method was outrageous. Yes, shed nearly had a heart attack. But what an honest experiment! Sometimes, all it takes to know if you want a man is a morning, three children, and a cup of coffee, courtesy of your abductor.

She looked up and spotted himthe hero of her own inadvertent romance. He stood watching her, smiling with a devilish glint, not unlike the Cheshire Cat. The children had now swarmed all over him, and she learned they were his nephews, thrilled with their role in Uncles grand caper.

Oh, youll miss your flight! the friends suddenly shrieked. Get moving! Youre off to check inhurry!

What, am I being abducted again? Emily thought. And where are they taking me this time? The seaside? The Med? Swimming with fishes and eating mangoes?!

He reached out his hand.

Lets meet properly this time. Im James. May I kidnap youofficially? he said, a soft smile curling his lips.

Emily shot a glance at her friends. All were waiting, worried but hopeful. Then her eyes fell on the suitcases. And finally, she met his hazel gazewith that heart-melting spark.

A thought fluttered by: What exactly is stopping me from saying yes?

Lets go! Emily grinned, realising that this kidnapping was the loveliest adventure shed ever stumbled into.

And, under her breath, she added, So long as the children stay at home next time…

Everyone burst into laughter, Jamess smile grew wider, and the busy, chaotic airport turned suddenly cosyas if the start of something gloriously unexpected.

Sometimes, life doesnt steal us away. It just delivers us, rather abruptly, to where we were always meant to be.