Gran Never Chose Me: How Favouritism Shaped Siblings, Family, and Farewell in an English Home

Gran always had her favourite grandchild

What about me, Gran? I used to ask quietly.
You, Katherine, youre a sturdy girl. Just look at those rosy cheeks youve got.
Walnuts are brain food, love, Andrew needs them for his studies, hes a man, the backbone of the family.
Now you, off you go, dust those shelves for me. Girls must learn to keep busy about the house.
Kate, are you serious? Shes not going to last the night. The doctors said days, maybe hours…

Andrew leaned on the door to the kitchen, fiddling with his car keys. The look on his face was awful.

Im deadly serious, Andy. Fancy a cup of tea? I didnt even turn around, just kept slicing apples for my daughter with steady hands. Sit yourself down, Ill make us a fresh pot.

Tea? Now? Kate, really? He stepped deeper into the room. Shes in there with those tubes and all, cant hardly breathe…

She called for you this morning. Katy, she said, wheres my Katy? Made my heart twist. Are you not even going to say goodbye?

Shes our grandmother! Your last chance, you know?

I finished arranging the apple slices on a little plate before looking up at him.

To you, shes Gran. For her, youre little Andy, her precious boy and only hope.

But for me… I was never anyone at all.

Do you honestly believe I need this goodbye?

What on earth would we talk about, Andy? What am I supposed to forgive her? Or she, me?

Oh, let it go, Kate! He slammed his keys onto the table. Yeah, she loved me differently. So what?

Shes an old lady with her foibles. But shes dying! You cant keep being so… cold.

Im not cold, Andy. I just dont feel anything for her. Go on. Sit with her, hold her hand your company means more to her a hundred times over.

Youre her golden boy, her sunshine. Shine for her, right to the end.

He gave me a strange look, then turned and left, slamming the door, and I just sighed, picked up the apples, and went to the nursery.

***

It was always like this in our family everything split squarely down the middle. My parents loved us both the same, of that Id no doubt me and Andrew.

Our home was forever noisy, with laughter, the smell of pies, and some new planned outing buzzing through the house.

But Grandma Margaret she was another matter entirely.

Andy, come here, love, my darling, shed call when we visited her in Brighton for the weekend. See what Ive got for you.

Walnuts, shelled just for you, and a whole bag of chocolate eclairs still fresh!

I was about seven then and would stand quietly alongside, watching her fish out that prized bag from her old carved dresser.

What about me, Gran? Id ask in a small voice.

Shed give me this quick, prickly look.

Youre quite alright, Katherine. Just look at those cheeks of yours.

Walnuts are for brains, you see, Andrew needs them for his learning, hes the lad, the backbone.

As for you, off you do, go dust the shelves. Girls must learn a bit of elbow grease.

Andrew would go scarlet, grab the bag and slink off to the hall, and Id start dusting, as told.

Strangely, I never felt bitter. As a little girl, I accepted it like the weather. Rain falls, Gran loves Andrew. Sometimes thats how it is.

Andrew always waited for me in the hallway.

Here, hed slip me half the sweets and a fistful of walnuts. Not where she can see, shell only start up again.

You need them more, Id laugh for your clever head.

Sod that, hed grimace shes barking. Come on, chew up quick.

Wed sit and crunch our forbidden stash together on the stairs to the attic. Andy always shared. Always.

Even when Gran pressed a five-pound note into his palm for an ice cream secretly from Mum, hed run to me

Kate! Enough for two cornettos and a pack of gum with stickers. Come on!

He was my rock, his kindness smoothing out every bit of Grans chilliness until I barely noticed whether any was missing.

The years ticked by. Gran grew older. When Andy was eighteen, she solemnly declared shed be leaving him her second two-bedroom flat in central Brighton.

A familys backbone needs a place of his own, she said at the family council meeting. So he brings home a wife, not scuffles about in corners.

Mum just gave a sigh. She knew her mothers ways and chose not to argue. But later that night, she came into my room.

Love, dont think… Dad and I see everything. Weve decided the savings weve set aside for a car and for doing up the house, theyre yours now.

You can use it as a deposit on a place you know, to make things fair.

Mum, its really alright, I hugged her. Andrew needs the flat more, hes marrying Sarah soon. Im fine in the uni digs for now.

But thats not right, Kate. Gran can play favourites, but were parents. No special treatment here. Take it, and dont you argue.

I never took the money.

Andrew moved straight into Grans flat after his wedding, and our own three-bedroom felt all the spacier for it.

I took over Andys old room, lined the shelves with my books and paints, for the first time understanding how good it felt when no one divides love into proper and improper.

My relationship with Andy didnt suffer a jot from the inheritance business. If anything, I think he felt awkwardly apologetic.

Kate, come round ours, hed say, popping round. Sarahs done a batch of scones. Gran rang yesterday, you know, asking if Id blown her money on your little whims.

And what did you tell her?

Told her Id spent it all on pinball and expensive whisky, hed snort. She huffed into the phone for three minutes, then accused: Thatll be Kates doing, teaching you wicked ways!

Well obviously, Id grin. Who else?

***

When I married Tom and we had a baby, the housing issue cropped up sharply. Mum, as ever, was a marvel.

Listen up, kids, she said. Our flats too big now. Andy has his own. You two are renting for now.

How about this: we split ours move into a one-bed, let you have the two-bed. We’ll manage together, and you three can finally have some space.

Mum, Andy cut in, Im giving up my share of our place. Ive got Grans flat, thats more than enough.

Let Kate have it all, let them spread out. The little one needs it more than I do.

Are you sure? Tom looked floored its a lot of money. Are you serious?

Of course. We always shared everything, me and Kate. She was shortchanged all her life thanks to Gran. So dont even argue. Thats final.

I cried afterwards not for the extra room, but because my brother really is the best person in the world.

So we swapped and everyone got settled.

Mum helped with the baby, Andy and his family came round every weekend.

Gran lived alone. Andy took her shopping, fixed her leaky taps, listened to endless complaints about ailments and her ungrateful Katherine.

Has she even phoned once? Gran would sniff. Not once asked after my blood pressure!

Gran, you never let her in, Andy would reply gently. You never had a kind word for her in twenty years. Why should she call now?

I was bringing her up! Gran would say, indignant. A woman should know her place! And her look, shes grabbed the flat, driven your poor mother out.

Andy only sighed. There was no use trying to explain.

***

Id sit in the kitchen, memories popping into my mind.

Theres Gran pushing my hand from the jam jar. Praising Andys wonky drawing while glancing dismissively at my certificate for winning the spelling bee.

She was the centre of attention at Andys wedding, but didnt even show at mine claimed she was unwell.

Mum, why dont we see Granny Margaret? my daughter asked one morning. Uncle Andy said shes really sick.

Because Granny Margaret only wants to see Uncle Andy, love, I stroked her head. Thats just the way she is.

Is she mean? my daughter squinted.

No, I thought it over. She just couldnt love everyone equally. She only ever had room in her heart for one at a time. Some people are just like that.

That evening, Andy rang.

Shes gone, Kate. About an hour ago.

Im sorry, Andy. Its hardest for you, I know.

She waited for you to the end, you know, he fibbed. I knew he was lying just out of kindness, hoping to make things right at the very end. She said, Hope Kate has a good life.

Thanks, Andy… Come by tomorrow. Well remember her Ill bake a pie.

I will. Kate, do you regret not going?

I didnt lie.

No, Andy. I dont. Theres no sense in pretending. She didnt want to see me, nor I her…

He was quiet for a moment.

Maybe youre right, he said finally. Always the sensible one. See you tomorrow.

The funeral was small and quiet. I went, for Mum and for Andy. I stood a little ways off, in my black coat, watching that drab sky that always seems to hang over graveyards. I didnt cry as they lowered the coffin.

Andy came over, put his arm around my shoulders.

You alright?

Fine, Andy. Really.

You know, he hesitated. Sorting through her flat… Found a little box with old photographs.

Plenty of you in there, too. Cut out neatly from family photos. She kept them all separate.

I raised my eyebrows in surprise.

Why on earth?

I dont know. Maybe she did feel something, but didnt know how to show it? Maybe she worried that if she gave you love, Id have less of it? Old people theyre strange sometimes.

Maybe, I shrugged. Doesnt change anything now.

We left under a single umbrella tall, sturdy Andy and little me.

Listen, he said as we reached the cars. Im going to sell her flat.

Get myself a three-bed with my bit, buy the boys their own starter flats. Still a good chunk left… Maybe we could set up a fund? Or donate to a childrens hospital? You know, so Grans money might bring someone joy at last…

I looked at my brother, and for the first time all week, felt genuinely warm inside.

You know, Andy… That would be the kindest revenge on Grandma Margaret. The very best in the world.

So its a deal?

Deal.

We drove off our separate ways. I headed through the city with music playing, feeling as if something inside me finally, peacefully settled.

Andy was right. Its fairer this way, letting a child somewhere have a chance. That, at least, would be justice.