You’re the One Who Should Apologise

Youve managed to buy a flat with a mortgage? exclaimed Janet with delight. Thats wonderful, my darling! Absolutely marvellous!

Lucy laughed on the other end of the line, and Janet could hear her son-in-laws voice in the background.

Mum, could you keep your voice down, the neighbours might hear…
Let them hear, I say! Janet chuckled. When can I come to have a look? Today? Tomorrow? Ill bake that apple pie, the one Alex adores.

Lucy fell silent for a moment.

Come on Saturday, well have finished moving the furniture in.

That Saturday, Janet stood in the middle of the bright lounge, turning slowly, taking in the high ceilings, large windows, and the fresh plaster on the walls. The new build smelled of paint and the clean scent of new wood.

The kitchens huge, can you imagine? Lucy led her mother through the hallway. And the balconys glazed, so you can leave the pram there when the time comes.
Its stunning, Janet stroked the wall. Well done, Alex!

Her son-in-law just shrugged.

Were doing our best, Mrs. Martin.

At lunch, Janet helped herself to a second slice of pie and finally said what shed been thinking since the morning.

I worried about you both so much, youve no idea. Lucy seven months pregnant, renting someone elses flat, and at any moment the landlady could ask you to leave. It wasnt right!

Lucy glanced at Alex. Janet noticed her daughter pressing her lips together ever so slightly.

Mum, we managed.
Managed, Janet set her fork down. But I barely slept, always wondering how youd cope, what would happen if anything went wrong. A child needs stability, their own home.

Alex cleared his throat, pushing his plate aside.

The mortgage is a fair chunk, to be honest. But we worked out a budget.
Is it a lot? Janets tone sharpened.
Its fine, Lucy replied quickly. For London, its normal.

Janet glanced at her daughter, saw the tension in her shoulders, and the way Alex stared intently at the tablecloths pattern. She realised they were both frightened, but of course theyd never admit it.

Listen to me, Janet became serious. Ill help out, thats not even up for discussion. Alexs parents will help too, wont they?
They promised, Alex nodded. Mum said theyll send what they can every month.
There we go! Janet leaned back. Youll manage. Youre not on your own, after all.

Lucy managed a faint smile, though the unease in her eyes lingered…

James was born in March, robust, squalling but healthy. Janet visited every week, making stews, washing tiny baby clothes, and walking her grandson in his shiny new pram around the estate.

Life found its rhythm. Alex got a promotion, and Lucy started talking about a second child.

Two years later, little Sophie arrived, and the flat filled once again with squeals, scattered toys, and sleepless nights. Janet gazed at her daughter, so bright-eyed and happy, and felt that everything had fallen into place.

Then Alex was made redundant.

Janet didnt hear about it straight away. Lucy dodged her questions, always insisting things were fine, just tired. But the truth slipped out one day when Janet turned up unannounced to find her daughter in tears over stacks of paperwork.

We cant make it, Mum, Lucy said quietly. Three months behind. The bank rings every day.

Janet did what she could, collecting money from relatives and friends, but it wasnt enough. Alexs parents were barely getting by themselves after his dad ended up in hospital.

Half a year later, the bank repossessed the flat…

Janet sat in her friend Olivias living room, unable to touch her tea.

Theyre living in a bedsit now, Janet clutched her cup. Two children, Olivia. James is four, Sophies two. Theyve no space to play, theyre always under each others feet! Four people in one tiny room!

Olivia shook her head.

Oh goodness, Janet, thats dreadful!
I told them they could handle it, Janet wiped away tears. Promised Id help. But what can I do? My pensions a pittance, and side jobs are hit and miss. I convinced them everything would work out!
How could you possibly have known? Life is unpredictable.
Does that matter? Janet put her cup down. Are things easier for the children? Easier for Lucy?

Janet hid her face in her hands, thinking how shed believed her daughters family was settled. Now things were worse. Before, just the two of them rented. Now, with two children!

Time passed…

Eventually Lucy and Alex paid off their debts to the bank. It was the best thing Janet had heard in ages.

So what will you do now? Janet asked.
Were saving up again, Lucy admitted. Maybe something simpler this time.
Thats just fine, Janet nodded, even though Lucy couldnt see her over the phone. As long as its your own.

Another two years went by. James turned six, and Janet turned up for his birthday carrying a huge box. Shed taken three hours choosing the construction set, combing through half the toy shop until she found the one with cars and a garage, just as James had dreamt about all winter.

Granny! he flung his arms round her. Is this for me?
All yours, love, Janet kissed the top of his head. And wait, theres more.

Janet pulled an envelope from her bag and handed it to James. He peeked inside, his eyes wide with amazement.

How much is this?
Two hundred pounds, Janet crouched down to his level. Didnt you want a new phone? You can start saving up. Granny will help.

James hugged the envelope to his chest and rushed off to show Sophie. Lucy stood quietly in the kitchen doorway, watching, though Janet didnt notice the look on her daughters face.

Two weeks later, Janet called her grandson. James picked up after the third ring.

Hello, Granny!
Hello, my darling! How are you? Everything alright?
Great! James blurted. Mum bought me new clothes for the summer, shorts and t-shirts, and trainers that light up!

Janet felt uneasy.

New clothes? Where did your parents get the money?
Mum used the money you gave me, James said without a care. She said well get the phone later, but I need clothes more.

Janet froze, her phone pressed to her ear. Something hot and heavy grew in her chest.

Let me speak to your mum, Janet said quietly.
Shes busy.
Alright, Janet managed a smile. Bye for now, love.

She ended the call, sitting motionless for ten minutes. Looks like shell have to teach her daughter a lesson again!

…The next morning, Janet turned up at Lucys bright and early.

How could you? Janet seethed. I gave that money to James! To him, not you!

Lucy wearily closed her eyes.

Mum, please calm down.
What? Janet snapped. He was saving for a phone! I gave him that money specially, so he could put it away! And you spent the lot!

Lucys face went cold and blank.

Mum, I did what was necessary.
Necessary? Janet spluttered with indignation. You spent someone elses money on shorts?
The child needed summer clothes, Lucy said calmly. We didnt have anything spare.
And you didnt think to ask me? Janet stepped closer. Or discuss it with me?
No, Mum, Lucy shook her head. This is my house. Ill decide what to do with any money that comes in. Its not your business.
Not my business? Janets voice rose. Its not my business, the way you handle money? Youve already lost the flat! Its obvious youre both hopeless with finances!

Lucy went pale but said nothing.

Now youre even taking money off your own child, Janet couldnt stop. Its a disgrace! Shameful!
Please leave, Mum, Lucy said quietly. Just go.

Janet turned and strode out without saying goodbye. Inside, she was burning with anger. Her daughter had crossed a line, and now had the cheek to throw her out! Let Lucy crawl back when shes readyshell be begging for forgiveness!

But a month went by, and Lucy neither called nor answered any messages.

Janet once more sat in Olivias kitchen, twisting a tissue in her hands.

Shes cut me off, Janet shook her head. My own daughter! Wont let me near the grandchildren, wont pick up the phone.

Olivia poured Janet some more tea.

What did you say to her that day?
I told the truth! Janet flared. That they cant handle money, that theyre useless with it! Am I wrong?

Olivia said nothing for a moment, gazing out the window.

Janet, did you give that money to James?
Yes, of course.
Then it was a gift, it wasnt yours anymore, Olivia turned to her friend. James needed clothes for the summer, not a phone.

Janet opened her mouth to argue, but Olivia raised a hand.

And reminding them about the mortgage wasnt fair. They worked for years to pay that off, raised two children, did their best. And you called them useless.
I just wanted the best for them, Janets tone softened. I worry about them, thats all.
You care, Olivia nodded. But its coming across as criticism. Maybe you should ring her first. Apologise?

Janet pressed her lips together stubbornly and looked away. No, shes older, and all she ever wanted was the best…