When Vera Arrived to Collect Her Son from Nursery, He Threw His Arms Around Her Neck and Whispered Passionately in Her Ear:

When Grace arrived at the nursery to pick up her son, he rushed into her arms and whispered passionately in her ear,
Mum, Mum, can we take Jamies grandma home with us?
What? Whose grandma? What are you on about? Grace looked at her son in confusion. Come on, get dressed quickly. Dads waiting for us in the car.
That grandma, over there! Oliver started pointing at an older lady who was slowly leading a little boy out of the nursery. Jamies one! I told you!
Dont be silly, love. Thats someone elses grandma.
So what? moaned Oliver. Ask her, please, maybe she can be my grandma too.
You have your own grandmas, not just one but two! Why would you want another? And enough of this nonsense. Pull your trousers on.
Oh, Mum Oliver pulled his best sad face as he wriggled into his warm trousers. My grandmas arent proper grandmas. Jamies got a real one. The right sort.
What do you mean, love? Our grandmas are real grandmas! Grace tried to smile. Theyre your grandmas because they had me and your dad, not Jamies grandma.
But that doesnt matter! Oliver looked up at her forlornly. Just being born isnt enough. They arent really grandmas to me.
How can you say that? Of course they are! Since youre our son, theyre your grandmas automatically!
I dont want them to be automatic! I want them to be proper grandmas, Oliver went on, not letting up.
So what exactly is a proper grandma, then?
Like Jamies grandma, he insisted.
And whats different about Jamies grandmother compared to your own? Grace was struggling to understand.
Well, Jamies grandma lets him call her Grandma really loudly, Oliver explained earnestly. One of my grandmas insists I just call her Linda, and the other gets cross if I call her Granny when were out in the park.
She gets cross?
Yes. She says, What do you mean, Granny? Im far too young! Dont embarrass me in front of the neighbours!
Wait, do you mean my mum says that to you?
Yes, and she said youre always shoving me onto her. And Jamies grandma says Jamie is the best thing in her life. I want to be the best thing in someones life, too.
Grace frowned, clearly unsettled. I cant believe my mum would say that she said, then more softly, Alright, love, come on, lets get you sorted before Dad starts worrying. What about Grandma Linda? Does she get cross if you call her Granny?
She just ignores me if I call her that, Oliver muttered, clearly disappointed. But if I use her name, Linda, she tells me Im brilliant. And Mum, can I ask you something? Why dont my grandmas know how to cook proper food?
What do you mean? Grace stared at him, perplexed. Are you saying your grandmas starve you when you stay with them?
Yes, came the quick reply. They do.
Come on, now, thats not true! They treat you better than they ever treated me when I was a kid. Ive seen for myself what you eat at theirs!
Yeah, well Oliver wrinkled his nose. Its always ham, pasta, salads Is that really proper food?
So what do you want instead?
Pancakes.
Pancakes? Grace asked, surprised.
Yeah! Or crumpets. Today, Jamies grandma told him that when they got home, shed make him hot crumpets with clotted cream and homemade jam. She reminded him how they made jam together last summer. Jamie nodded so happily. But we never make jam with my grandmas.
Oh, sweetheart. Grace looked at her son with a pang of sympathy. Tell you what, shall we get some jam and have it with tea tonight? We can pop into Tesco on the way home.
He made a face. Shop jam doesnt taste nice, Mum
How would you know?
I already asked my grandmas. They got some before.
And did you ever ask them to make crumpets?
Yeah Oliver looked gloomy as he pulled on his coat. They said it was too much faff and just took me to a café instead. But the pancakes there are cold and the jams too sweet. Jamies grandma says fresh crumpets from the pan are the best food in the world.
Mmm Graces voice trailed off dreamily, and she took Olivers hand, leading him out of the nursery. They really are. My own granny used to make me those
On the way to the car park, where her husband was waiting in the family hatchback, Grace dialled her best friends number.
Hiya Claire, you at home? she asked, sounding a bit sheepish.
Yeah, I am, Claire replied.
Can I ask a big favour? And dont you dare laugh at me.
Whats up?
You told me once you make amazing crumpets that your son scoffs as many as you can make. Is that true?
Course it is. Why?
Could you send me your recipe? When Claire started to laugh, Grace burst out, I told you not to laugh! Im desperate.
Come round, and Ill show you how to make them, Claire said.
When could I come?
Right now, if you fancy.
I cant Ive just picked Oliver up and my husbands waiting in the car.
Then bring the whole lot of you. The boys can get to know each other! See you soon! And with that, Claire hung up.
The very next day, Grace took the day off work. She went round to her mums and started teaching her how to make crumpets properly. Her mum fussed and huffed a bit, going on about how lifes changed for modern grans, but Grace stood firm:
Mum, if were such a nuisance, Ill just stop bringing Oliver to yours altogether. But, do you even know what makes a real grandma? And why dont you ever make jam in the summer? Youve got a grandson now!
Her mum started to protest, maybe even say something a bit sharp, but seeing how determined Grace looked, she kept quiet. Just in case.