Good Intentions

Good Intentions

Tess! Finally! I was at my wits end! Margaret Porter opened her front door and threw her arms around her sister. Im beside myself. I really dont know what to do!

Calm down, first of all, replied Theresa Porter, striding in with the calm of a hundred elephants. Is she home?

No! Took the children this morning and left! Margaret waved a hand helplessly. She wont listen to a word I say. Shes in love, apparently!

What do you expect me to say, Mags? Lost your grip on the girl, and now you want tears? Come, lets sit. Youll tell me everything, and then well decide whats to be done.

Tess led the way to the kitchen and sat. She eyed her sister critically as Margaret fumbled with the tea.

At least rinse the kettle with boiling water. Ive said it a thousand timesit never gets through.

Margaret flinched, grabbed the kettle, then yelped as she burned her fingers on the handle and clasped her ear.

Heaven help us, youre as cack-handed as ever. Let me do it. Just sit before you do yourself an injury out of nerves.

Tess nudged her to the table and swiftly took over the tea-making.

Right. Now, tell me everything. Dont leave anything outwho is he, whats his story? And whats Eleanor thinking?

Margaret hugged her cup. What could she say to her sister? Even she didnt understand why this all concerned her so much. The man Eleanor had brought home seemed perfectly decentno drinking, nothing dodgy, polite and steady, ran his own business. Granted, it wasnt mucha car repair shopbut he worked hard and had skills. Fixed that leaky tap in the kitchen that even the plumber couldnt sort out.

But shed come to expect trouble from her younger daughter, thanks to Tess. Now, she felt she needed evidencemore than just a good impressionto feel certain Eleanor was making the right choice. And the way theyd metwell, who ever heard of a man who makes a living fixing cars, just repairing a womans motor in the middle of a freezing winter, free of charge? And the fact he returned at the weekend just to check the children were well and the car was running? Six months hed been turning up like that, and Eleanor had completely lost her head. As if shed forgotten her children and her mothermarriage was all shed got on her mind. Once hadnt been enough, apparently!

She poured this all out before Tess and waited, holding her breath for verdict. For as long as Margaret could remember, shed always trusted her big sister more than herself. Their father had died young and their mother, struggling to bring up two girls, had shifted much of the responsibility onto Theresa:

Youre the older one, Tess. Look after her.

There were eight years between them. When their mum found out she was expecting again, shed laughed in disbelief, then panicked. The times were hard as it was. But her husband and eldest daughter assured her:

Well manage.

So Catherine kept the child, and Margaret was born weak and ailing, constantly ill for years. Tess was always by her side. Their mother would be rushing off to work, plaiting little Margarets hair while saying,

Youre her guardian angel, even if people claim they dont exist. Tess, Id be lost without you.

Taking these words to heart, Tess took Margarets hand each day, delivered her to nursery on her way to school, made sure she was prepared for school once the time came. By the time Margaret started Year One, Tess had already taught her everythingreading, writing, sumsso the first year would be easier. That foresight paid off because Margaret almost immediately fell ill and spent most of the year at home.

Their mother dragged her to all sorts of doctors, but the answer was always, Shes frail. Give her time.

Once again, Tess took over: vitamins, medicine, strict routine. Shed glare at Margaret, who would be protesting against the mandatory milk.

I cant stand itthe skin!

No fussing. Its for your own good.

Margaret wailed but downed every drop.

Doctors were righta bit of time and care did wonders. Second year, Margaret was nearly always at school, only the occasional absence. She did well, and when it was time for university, their mum sat Tess down (now newly married and expecting herself) to ask,

What should we do?

She has to stay in education, mumshes too bright for wasted chances.

Margarets grant was meagre, but she made do. Once a month, Tess would visit, heavy bags in hand, and check Margarets bedsit in Oxford.

Why so much dust? You havent started snorting like a pig, have you?

Margaret would reach for the cloth, even if shed scrubbed the place just before her arrivalTess always checked.

Their mum fell ill while Margaret was in her second year. Margaret had only just introduced her new boyfriend when the family got the bad news.

Tess, what do I do?!

You? Just keep up your grades, and not a word to mumlet me handle things.

Margaret had just a week to say goodbye to her mother, whose pain was beyond the reach of medicine. Shed bite down on an old wooden spoon her father had brought back from Devon to stop herself screaming, as tears refused to come.

Tess showed no weakness. Efficient, brisk, she hustled her younger sister from the sickroom:

Mum doesnt need your drama. Let her go in peace, if we can do nothing else.

It was like a dousing in ice water. What sort of daughter couldnt keep herself together?

Catherine died early one morning, clutching Margarets hand. Margaret didnt breathe for a moment; then, when she realised her mum was gone, she wept for the first time in ages.

Afterwards, the sisters sold their mothers old council flat. Margaret got herself a tiny one-bedroom, just down the road from Tesss place.

Best outcomeclose by, said Tess, inspecting the walls. Dont call in anyone elseIll get this place done up for you. The girls will help.

Tess, now running her own building firm, always had her hands full. Shed complain:

Not a spare minute! If only Alex would pitch in, but hes always busy with his lot. Never mind. Sooner or later itll calm down and then, just workthen Ill really get somewhere!

Getting somewhere turned out impossibleevery time Tess tried to expand, the economy crashed. Shed end up apologising.

You cant put your own head and hands on everyone they do a bodge job, and Im left red-faced with the clients. But how are you? How are the children?

Margaret would give her a full run-down. Shed married, despite Tesss objections, and sometimes still felt guilty about thather sister had always been an authority for her. It took her husband, Max, three years to win Tess round. How he managed it, she never knew, but Tess eventually relented:

Hes not so bad. Loves his family, dotes on the girls, hands over every penny and treats you like a queen. Only thing is, he spoils his daughters mad.

Max spent every weekend with their girls.

Thats no good, Tess complained. Youll never keep them in line if theyre treated like princesses every day.

Margaret nodded dutifully but secretly thought Tess was just jealousher Alex was never so hands-on after all. When Tesss eldest boy struggledfirst with school, then with his behaviourTess had to act alone. Alex just snorted,

You raised him, you sort him out. Pays the bills, doesnt he?

Hes your son, too!

Yeah, and? I provide, dont I? You do the raising.

Tess just sighed; arguments cost too much.

She got her son back on track, then, at a regular clients suggestion, sent him off to the armyTheyll knock him into shape.

He actually liked it there and ended up settling in.

My mum was a generalno wonder the army suits me, hed joke.

Tess relaxedfor a while. Then her daughter threw a bombshell:

Mum, Im pregnant.

Tess all but collapsed on the sofa.

How? Youve only just turned eighteen!

Im of age. And mum, dont bother with the lectures.

No lectures to give, its done now. Well have a wedding, then.

No need. He doesnt want to marry me.

No such thing! Tess leapt up. My grandchild wont go without a father. Leave it to me, loveIll sort it!

Her daughter never doubted ither mum always ironed out problems.

The wedding went ahead, and Tess set her daughter and new son-in-law up in the spare flat.

Live quietly, for my sake!

And somehow, it worked. Maybe the support, maybe Tesss iron will, but the couple found their footing, and Tess was finally able to breathe.

But soon, trouble arrived from a different directionher nieces.

Margaret’s daughters, Sophie and Eleanor, were wonderfulsturdy and healthy, nothing like their mother had been.

I cant believe my luck! Margaret would smile, watching them playing tag with their father. Remember how sick I was as a child, Tess? These two are fit as fiddles!

Good, Tess answered. Now, if only they werent thick

Nothing to complain about there, either. Both bright, doing well in school. The younger, Eleanor, takes after their fatherfiery, the others more quiet, takes after me.

Keep an eye on Eleanor, then, or shell be a handful.

Born less than a year apart, Margaret put them both in the same classmuch easier for everyone. At least for Sophie, who struggled with her studies while Eleanor flew through her work and helped her sister. Max couldnt be prouder.

The best girls in the world, mine.

His pride didnt lastwhile they were in Year Six, Max died in a car accident. Margaret and the girls spent agonising days in hospital, but in the end, there was nothing to be done.

My poor girls Tess wept with them. Never mind, Aunt Tess is still here and so is your mumwell cope. Such sorrow

Sophie and Eleanor barely dared look at their mothershed faded, grown gaunt and irritable, screaming in the night until both girls moved into her bed just to comfort her.

Tess stepped in again. After hearing her nieces side, she laid into Margaret:

Whats this?! The girls just lost their father, and youre absent too? Is it only you whos heartbroken? Look at themmiserable, at the most sensitive age. What are you thinking?

Margaret barely cared. Maxs presence seemed so close, she half-expected him to walk in and ask, Whats for tea? with that familiar wink.

Tess watched her a moment, then hugged her.

Hes gone, Mags. But the girls are still here. Think how proud Max was of themimagine what hed say if he saw you now

Little by little, Margaret started to recover, and her daughters finally saw a smile, however wan.

Near the end of secondary school, both fell in loveSophie dropped hers after a stern word from Aunt Tess, while Eleanor dug in her heels.

I love him!

What goods that, then? Tess thundered. What sort of husband would he make? Still wet behind the ears! Did you?

Thats our business, Eleanor retorted. It was enough that Aunt Tess ruled her mother, she wasnt taking over Eleanors life as well.

In the end, Eleanor thought hard. Shed not slept with her boyfriend yet, but knew it wouldnt be long. So she confronted him:

What are your intentions? Im not here just to be a bit of fun.

I love you, Eleanor!

Then marry me.

Alright, just need to tell my folks

Eleanor rolled her eyes. You mean your parents, darling. Sort it with them and dont come back till you do.

If Margaret had seen her, shed have said, All Tess! Eleanors determination knocked sense into her boyfriend, and they married a year later.

Margaret wept throughout the wedding, and Tess scowled at the sight of her niece beaming at her new husband.

Why so soon? What was the rush?

Her suspicions that Eleanor was expecting proved groundless; their first son was born two years later. By then, Eleanor was in universityshe chose not to take any time off, with her mother and sisters help, and managed her studies admirably.

Her husband, Simon, also worked hard, studying by correspondence and picking up shifts at his fathers firm. When Eleanor graduated, her father-in-law made her head of accounts:

Smart and family. What more could I want?

Eleanor understood she wasnt likely to get a better chance as a graduate, so she took it. When she found herself pregnant again, she was already chief accountant, and Simon had started his own company, with his fathers advice.

Together, they increased the family income threefold. Margaret couldnt have been prouder, except Tess often put a dampener on her joy.

Everythings too easy, too neat. She has a temper, Eleanorgive it a minute and therell be hell to pay, and youll have to pick up the pieces.

Margaret stopped telling Tess much about her daughterscriticism seemed to outweigh support now, and Margaret figured Tess was just frustrated that her own childrens lives werent as smooth. Still, questions were pointless, as Tess would simply say,

Theyre fine! Just mind your own lot.

So Margaret did. But you cant foresee everything. Trouble came from an unexpected sourceSimon, busy and confident, started an affair. Eleanor found out in the worst way.

At first, she blamed his distance on her being so busy and their youngest son being so little. She tried to fix thingsdate nights, leaving the children with their grandmotherbut nothing worked. She confronted Simon, who shrugged her off.

One spring, while at the park with her sons, a pregnant woman sat next to her. Heavily pregnant.

Youre Eleanor, arent you? The womans tone was cool, her look unfriendly.

Eleanors heart sank.

Yes.

Im Lisa. The woman Simon loves. Your ex-husband.

Eleanor, caught off guard, let out a short laugh.

Oh, I see! And the babys his too?

Of course, a boy. Lisa stroked her stomach proudly.

Congratulations. Whats this got to do with me? Eleanors tone grew mocking.

Are you some kind of weirdo? Lisa snarled.

I dont think so.

Are you going to divorce him?

Not yet. Why?

My son needs a father!

And his two older sons dont?

Dont mess me about! Lisa nearly shrieked, heaving herself off the bench. Sort things out. Im due next month!

Eleanor watched her go, promising herself she wouldnt cry in front of the boys. Her eldest ran over, catching sight of her wet eyes.

Mum, are you crying?

No, just got dust in my eye. Go and playits nearly lunch.

Simon didnt deny anything.

Youve been odd latelyalways busy, always the kids or work. Im still a man, after all.

Well, thats true…

The divorce was painful. Simon turned into a stranger, fighting over every penny in court. Eleanor looked at him and wanted to run a mile. The house was split, child support sortedand she was free. Simons father, unable to meet her eyes, asked her to resign.

I hope you understand.

She did, and laughed. If you want to see your grandsons, call me.

She left, ignoring the mumbled sorry behind her.

She didnt fall out with her in-lawsthe boys already missed so much, why lose their grandparents too? To their credit, the old Porters never changedthe boys were still showered with gifts and affection.

The children soon grew used to their fathers absence. Margaret looked after them, giving Eleanor space to find a new job and settle into their new life. She absorbed Tesss complaints about the boys manners and Eleanors late nights at work.

Theyre little, theyll learn, she argued.

At nine at night? Shes never in!

Sometimes she has to work late. The salarys good, the careers moving.

And what about the children? Dont they need their mum?

Margaret fumbled for a reply. Tess just shook her head.

Mark my words, shell drag some new bloke home and youll be left with both boys

Tess!

Youll see!

Margaret wanted to believe otherwise, but when Leonard showed up on the doorstep, her worst fears crowded in.

What are we meant to do?

Knock some sense into her! Two boys, and all she cares about is romance! And you dont know a thing about him. Shes not just some poor relative nowa flat, a car, a good job. Maybe hes after her money.

Oh, Tess

No harm in checking! First, talk to Eleanor.

She wont listen. Whatever I say, she just smiles and says hes lovely.

Well, if shes grown up but not got wiser, ring her. Now!

She slid the phone over.

What for?

Tell her to come. Better yet, Ill do it. She dialled Eleanors number.

Mums unwell. Get here, now, she said briefly and hung up.

Eleanor was running late, barely feeling the steering wheel as she drove through the night. Her heart thudded. Please, let everything be alright, she thought. She pondered calling Sophienot a good idea, as her sister was pregnant again and hardly needed extra anxiety.

Margaret opened the door, but wouldnt meet her eye.

Mum!

Im alright.

Then why?

Inside! Tesss voice barked from the kitchen.

Eleanor perched on the edge of her chair, unable to believe what she was hearing.

If you dont come to your senses, Ill have to take your children. Cant have them growing up in this mess!

Somewhere, her patience finally snapped. She stood, straightened her skirt, and said,

Aunt Tess, dont you have enough problems of your own without meddling in my family? Im not a schoolgirl and I dont need your approval. You want me to act grown up? Fine: I will. From now on, no more reports. Stay out of my life, and my boys. Im sick of you telling me Im not good enough! Go sort out your own angelsthey followed all the rules and youre no happier for it.

How dare you! Who gave you the right to speak to me like that?

I did. And Im not taking it back. Had enough of being the family goat!

Goat? Margaret raised an eyebrow.

You know, the scapegoatonly female. Thats me.

Youre talking nonsense! Tess glanced at her sister.

Maybe so, but its not me thats lost the plot, retorted Eleanor, buttoning her coat. You control everythingtry reflecting on that for once. Mum, you too. Im not perfect, but Im not a fool. Good intentions and all that

Maybe you do need checking up on! Tesss tone was suspicious.

Tess! Margaret went pale and stood. Stop! This is too muchenough! Eleanor

Margaret clutched her heart and slowly sank to the floor. Eleanor dashed to her, fumbling her phone from her pocket. Tess started to say something, but stoppedjust for a moment, she saw her little sister right there.

Eleanor! An ambulance!

Ignoring her aunt, Eleanor dialled. Margaret was taken to hospital.

The next day, everyone gathered at A&E. Tess approached Eleanor, unsure how to start. But Eleanor just nodded.

Apology accepted.

Ellie

No, Aunt Tess. Its alright. You get it now and thats enough. Right now we just need Mum to recover.

Margaret did recover. She and Tess made up in hospital, and after that Margaret wouldnt hear a word of criticism about her daughters. Tess took longer to settle down, but she learned her lesson, and at Eleanor and Leonards wedding she was the first to shout, Kiss! then hugged her niece and wished her well, whispering, Forgive me.

Life moved everyone to the right place. It was Eleanor, in the end, who cared for Tess after two operations. It was Leonard who ferried her to the doctors and physio, sorting out frames and sticks while Tess was still mobile.

They got along brilliantly, and when Tess was finally bed-bound, she patted Eleanors hand and said,

Leonards a good manhold onto him, Eleanor! Understood?

Understood! Eleanor smiled back.

And when Tess went, it was Eleanor who held her hand, and Tesss last words were,

Thank you.Eleanor kissed her aunts old knuckles, the thin skin veined and familiar. When the last breath left Tesss chest, the silence seemed to expand and hold them both. Only then did Eleanor realize how much shed inheritedTesss stubborn will, Margarets tenderness, and a fierce devotion to her own children.

As the months passed, Eleanor found herself drawn to the old storiesher mothers laugh, Tesss barked advice, the way Sophie rolled her eyes across a crowded room at family dinners. She let the boys listen, let Leonard listen too; the women who came before her grew large in their telling, imperfect and radiant.

On the night before Tesss memorial, Eleanor stood at her kitchen window, watching the boys chase fireflies in the garden. Leonard reached over and slipped his hand into hers, wordless. She squeezed back, heart full.

Do you think Aunt Tess knew? That I finally figured things out? Eleanor whispered.

Leonard smiled. She knew youd be alright. Thats why she let go.

For the first time, Eleanor felt no urge to explain herself to anyoneher life was messy, tested, true. She wrapped her arms around Leonard and held him close, blinking back tears of gratitude.

Margaret, frail but tougher than anyone guessed, pressed a photo of two little girlsherself and Tess, plaited hair and muddy shoesinto Eleanors hand. You see, love, we did our best. With luck, you girls will too.

Eleanor tucked the photo into her pocket, a small, silent vow: to lead with heart and guts, to try, and when she failed, to start again.

Outside, laughter shimmered under the trees. The glow from the house spilled warmth into the night, and for the first time in a long time, Eleanor realized she could let the world spin, and she need not carry it all alone.

She was enough, exactly as she wasthe sum of all those fierce good intentions, finally at peace.