An Old Lady Got Herself a Central Asian Shepherd Puppy: The Dog Grew Up Guarding Everything, Polished Off a Tub of Food in Seconds, Scratched Its Back on the Fence Until It Bent, and Even Tried to Drag the Old Lady Along in One Mighty Tug

An old lady in the English countryside gets herself a Central Asian Shepherd puppy. The dog grows bigger by the day, always guarding the garden. She devours a whole washing up bowl of food in a flash and scratches her back against the fence so fiercely that the panels lean sideways. Theres even a time she almost yanks the lady off her feet with one enthusiastic leap. Puppies need a bit of fun every now and then, after all.

Eventually, the old lady passes awaynot because of the dog, just a few years shy of her ninetieth birthday. Soon after, her children and grandchildren arrive at her cottage near Oxford to sort through her things. There, tied up in the garden, is the dog. Judging by her watchful eyes, its clear the guests are most welcome; after all, it’s not every day such a banquet of vitamins and new snacks appears all at once.

The family stands around, pondering what on earth to do with the enormous beast. Putting her down seems cruel, but living nearby is a daunting thought. Letting her go loose doesn’t sit rightEngland isnt wicked enough to deserve such a punishment. They decide to find her a good home. If necessary, they’ll even pay someone to take her. Nothings too much for whoever is brave enough to adopt this furry man-eater.

Eventually, they find a chap named Arthur, whos always dreamed of feeding a colossal dog with a basin and giving belly scratches with a garden rake. People can have the oddest aspirations. The family calls the village vet.

They sketch out a plan for the vet. The idea is to give the dog a bit of sedative, bundle her off quickly to her new home, and not forget to wish the new owner all the bestperhaps even light a candle at the parish church, just in case.

At the appointed time, the vet arrives with a tranquiliser dart gun, steely-nerved as all rural vets seem to be. He loads it, takes aim, and sends the dog gently off to dreamland with a single shot. They unclip the chain, roll her onto a tarpaulin, and heave her into the estate car, which has the boot knocked through to the back seats for extra space.

The vet decides hell ride up front; after all, professionals should be comfortable. Arthur the new owner sits at the wheel, and the rest of Grandmas family squeeze into the back with the dog. Theyre off, chatting nervously as the car rattles along.

Then, halfway down the country lane, the dog begins to stir. She lifts her head, keenly looking about at the sea of faces. All these peoplesitting. Staring.

The vets eyes go wide. Arthurs do, too. He doesn’t take his gaze off the dogquite forgetting hes meant to be driving them all in a straight line.

How interesting, thinks the dog.

Is there such a thing as heaven? wonder the people, in a panic.

The dog wastes no time and starts clambering through the car to get closer to everyone. Arthur, in a blind panic, starts fumbling for the door handle to throw himself outseemingly forgetting, as before, that hes driving. The dog then proceeds to lick everyone, covering Grandmas family in slobbery kisses. After all, theyre practically family now. She even gives Arthur a good wash, and yeseven the vet, despite him firing a dart at her. Water under the bridge.

At last, everyone realises their man-eater fears were rubbish. The rest of the way home, they ride, soaked through from head to toedripping from the top thanks to doggy kisses, and trembling from excitement and relief down below.

My beloved cottage and garden in the English countryside…