Not Your Typical Julie

Not Quite Julie

“Julie! Again? Honestly, youre a walking disaster! How do you manage it every single time?!”

“Mum, I dont know. It just sort of happened.”

Her mum was peeling off Julies muddy coat, wellingtons soaked through, and the bobble missing from her hat.

“Other peoples children just behave, but you Julie! How much longer is this going to go on?”

Julie examined the ripped hem of her dress and sighed.

Not that she regretted the dayit had been brilliant fun! Their train actually worked this time. Shame Sasha grabbed her dress so hard, that was the end of the hem. Mrs. Smith, the nursery teacher, said sewing it up wasnt her job, and Julies mum could see to it herself. Fair enough, really. But Julie had to sit on the naughty chair from snack until tea time. She couldnt exactly run about in her knickers in front of the boysits not proper, as Grandma always said. And Grandma understood these matters.

For example, that Julie was just like that. Mum didnt see it, but Grandma did.

“Stop pecking at the child! What sort of way is that to speak?” Grandma would interject.

“Mum, you raised me the same way! Why do you say its wrong now? If I dont keep Julie in hand, howll she ever turn out right?”

“Shell turn out clever and lovelylike you! Would that be so terrible?”

“Oh, spare me! I dont have time for your nonsense. Julie! Get changed! Now!”

Relieved, Julie fled to her room, as her two favourite grown-ups continued bickering without her. Truth be told, she knew their arguments were never really about her, not reallythey just needed an excuse.

Once, Julie asked her gran, “Am I really your excuse?”

“Youre our most important business, darling! Youre the only one weve got, and we both worry how youll grow up. Your mums strict because she thinks she has to be. I used up all my rules on your mother. There wasnt any left for you, so I have to find other wayssweets perhaps.”

“I dont like gingerbread.”

“Alright, not gingerbread, a sweet then.”

“Much better. Gran, does Mum love me?”

“More than anyone, even more than me. Never doubt it.”

“So why does she always have a go at me?”

“Because she loves you, thats why.”

“Its a strange kind of love You love me but you dont scold me.”

“Im your grandma, love comes more easily. A mothers love has more at stake. Youll understand when youre older.”

“I dont get it.”

“You will. In time.”

But “in time” never seemed to come.

Julie kept waiting, but things only got stricter with each passing year.

“What am I going to do with you?! Wait until you bring me shame?” was her mothers latest favourite phrase, though Julie never did quite get what it meant. Shed snicker, remembering her torn dress at nursery, tempted to ask how anyone could bring anything in a holey dress, but knew betterthe joke would not be appreciated, and shed get a scolding for nothing.

Still, Mums worries were for nothing.

Awkward though she was, Julie never thought of herself as anyone special, despite Grandmas reassurances. The mirror didnt lieher eyes were small, her dark ponytail scrawny, and teenage spots scattered her nose. Stunning, she wasnt.

She learnt the “facts of life” early, so didnt fuss about her looks. It made things easiernot only for her, but for her mum, too. After all, there was no need for trendy clothes or fancy shoes. She practically lived in a battered pair of trainers, except on rare trips to the theatre with Grandma, when her “smart” shoes were reluctantly dusted off.

Julie adored the theatre, but tickets were expensive. Grandma put aside a little from each pension payment, but it was always a long wait. By Year Seven, Julie found herself babysitting for their neighbour, earning her first few pounds watching the energetic but good-natured twins. As she had no brothers or sisters of her own, it was more pleasure than a chore.

She loved ityou popped in, played games, spoon-fed them porridge, and then went home. No one jumping on your bed, scribbling in your exercise books, or sharing your room. Bliss!

Julie wasnt exactly selfish, but she realised taking care of children required moneydecent money. And what did they have? Her mothers pay as an NHS nurse, and Grandmas pension. Most importantJulie had never known her father, not that she minded.

She never troubled her mum with questions; why add more stress? They had enough alreadyJulie, Grandma who was starting to get confused, sometimes forgetting even her name.

Good thing Grandma remembered Julies dad for a while. Once she told Julie the whole story, so long as her mum was out of earshot.

“He never needed your mother, you see.”

“Why?”

“He was a charmer, loads of women on the go. I warned her, but she was smitten, convinced hed marry her and the other girls were just youthful mistakes.”

“Did he marry her?”

“He did! Your mum doesnt give up. But once he found out she was having you, he vanishedjust like Houdini! Never heard from him again. He even left a note.”

“What did he write?”

“No need for you to know, love. Its their business. I can say thisyour mother wanted you so much she was terrified something would go wrong. She carried you like a delicate vase, and she never relaxed, not even after you were born. Thats why shes so harsh nowshes frightened for you, cant sleep at night, sits by your bed, strokes your hair. Ive seen her. She loves you as much as she knows how.”

“Makes sense Gran, did you scold Mum the same way?”

“Of coursea mother can only worry. We do daft things for our children, then regret them.”

“But why is it so scary?”

“Thats parenthood, Julie. You wont understand until you have your own.”

Julie said nothing, but privately thought shed never scold her own childrenshed do it differently. Naive, perhaps, but who isnt at that age?

Not that she ever expected to have children. Whod want her? Short, awkward, and as stubborn as a mule. If she clung to you, youd just have to put up with it.

Julie joined the same hospital as her mother after college. And thats when the trouble really kicked in!

Everything was wrongtoo friendly with patients, not detached enough, overdoing it, according to her mother. “Its pointless, they all come and go. You cant save everyone. Try to be a bit more easy going. We need your salary now more than ever!”

But Julie wasnt listeningshe cared about every patient. They were in pain, after all! She couldnt ignore them, and a kind word cost her nothing.

Even her mother tried to warn her.

“Dont stir things up! People like you, who care too much, make life hard for themselves. Youll fall out with everyone. We need your wages, cant put Grandma in a care home, can we? And a carer costs a bomb! I know its tough, but not everyone has the heart for this work. There are only three like you in the whole ward. Even your matron says so. Lead by example, gently, or theyll just resent you.”

“But its so slow!”

“Oh, Julie! Where do you get your stubbornness from?”

“You, I think.”

“Julie!”

“What?”

“Nothing. Just do as your mother says!”

“Mm-hmm”

Julie was reluctant to argue more, but didnt always follow her mums advice. Maybe Mum was right, but look at the old lady in bed threeutterly cantankerous, yet greeted Julie every morning with a rare smile. She didnt mind Julies injections or the attention, only ever complaining about the others, not Julie.

There were loads like herworn out, hurting, squabbling with their relatives, unloved. Julie saw it all. Visitors arguing about inheritances, not really caring. Was it any wonder the patients got upset?

Mum didnt want to hear about it. Her only concern was that Julie was okay. But how could she be fine if everyone around her was miserable?

You cant comfort the whole world, but surely you can help someone?

Even when her colleagues snickered about Julie being “soft” or destined for the nunnery, so be it. Grandma always said the caravan must keep moving, no matter what.

And so, Julies “caravan” trudged onwards, sometimes struggling, sometimes parched for understanding.

Its hard, feeling like no one really gets you. Harder still, with no one left to tell you youre “just like that.”

Julie didnt exactly crave approvalshed learnt to do without it. Still, since Grandmas mind started to wander, Julie had no one to really talk to. Mum just kept sighing and telling her to “think about her own life for once,” but what was the point? Her friends were all married, even tossing their bouquets directly at her at weddings.

“Not even a token toss! Its your turn now, Julie. Take it!”

Of course, she caught the bouquetscouldnt snub her friends. But “the one,” the right person, failed to appear, as if he was lost or simply not interested in someone like her. Maybe some people really were meant to be alone, whole by themselves.

In any case, Julie made her peace with it, barely even bothered waiting. She wasnt brave like Elizabeth Bennet; shed never confess first. Even if she had anyone to confess to.

She darted between shifts at the hospital, the local animal shelter where she occasionally volunteered for her friend, and looking after Grandma, who less and less often recognised her. Mum sighed and begged her to get out with her friends, but she knew it was pointless. Julie was turning into the classic English spinster, and she had no interest in love or family ties.

“Mum, if you want grandchildren, just say so! I could manage a couple. That’s easy these days.”

“Julie! Dont be ridiculous!”

“But, really, Mumprinces are in short supply, its just nature! What do you want from me?”

“I just want you to be happy, thats all”

“Then stop telling me to sort out my personal life. Its clearly gone off the rails and is quite happy there! Dont poke at it!”

Her mum would fall silent, puzzled over who else she could possibly set her stubborn daughter up with. All her friends sons were snapped up, so she just had to hope nature would work its magic.

Which, suddenly, it didbut not in the way Julie ever imagined.

It all began with Mrs. Carterthe most infamously grumpy patient on the ward, in every six months like clockwork. The entire team wailing every time she appeared.

“Shell be penning complaints all week! Julie! She likes youyou deal with her!”

Mrs. Carter would visibly brighten at the sight of Julie dashing down the ward.

“There you are, girl! At last, a decent face among the ghouls!”

“Dont say that! Everyone heres nice.”

“Youre just young, youll learn. Trust me!”

“I wont argue! Come on, lets get you settled. Youve already frightened everyone!”

“Good, it does them good to be scared! Keeps them on their toes!”

“You are a handful, Mrs. Carter!”

“Just wait ’til you meet my catthats where the real trouble lies!”

Julie nodded, dismissing the aside about the catuntil, of course, Mrs. Carter arrived one day oddly subdued and barely spoke at all. She let Julie walk her to her bed and turned away to the wall, refusing to answer her worried questions.

“Go on, love, leave me be Later”

Within hours, Julie knew everythingthe diagnosis, and that Mrs. Carter had checked herself in.

“Shes fallen out with her children, thats why shes so down. All this comes of breathing cold air towards your childrenno one round to bring you a cup of tea in the end!”

Julie let this pearl of wisdom pass; after all, who can judge a family from the outside? Usually everyones a little right and a little wrong.

After her shift, Julie peeked in.

“Can I bring you anything?”

A long, pained look. Julie was about to leave when Mrs. Carter spoke up.

“Julie, could I ask you something? Never been one for favours, but My mum was a force of nature, thats how she raised meif you want something, do it yourself! Never taught me what to do if one day I wasnt able”

“What do you need, Mrs. Carter?”

“Ive family, bags of them, but nobody to trust. My lifes gone by and what do I have to show for it? Bit of work, daily cares, joy in small handfuls, problems by the bucket load. Spoiled my kids, tried to help, gave them everythingeven the flatso they wouldnt have to fuss over me. Sold Mums place, struggled, but managed. Now? Im unwanted. No one cares for Julie, can you take my Martha?”

“Sorrywho?”

“My cat! Shes a handful, but clever as anything! She stopped me leaving for hospital, genuinely understands everything”

Julie hesitated. She loved animals, but she and her mother had never kept petsworried about Grandma, among other things. It was an extra cost they didnt need.

But she couldnt say no. There was such desperation in Mrs. Carters face, it was clear the cat was her only real comfort. Who was Julie to judge? If she could give a little light, why not?

After her shift, Julie checked with her mum, then set off for Mrs. Carters to fetch the cat.

“Ill look after her, Mrs. Carter. But its just for now. When youre home, I’ll bring her back.”

“Thank you, dear”

For the first time ever, Mrs. Carter seemed just like any other old lady: ordinary, not a battleaxe.

Standing outside Mrs. Carters flat, keys in hand, Julie hesitated. Going in alone felt a little strange, so she knocked on the neighbours door.

“Yes?” asked a young woman cradling a baby.

“Sorry, Mrs. Carter asked me to get her cat. Could you just stay in your doorway while I go in? In case”

“Dont want to go in alone, do you?” the woman smiled. “Wise move. Shes proper difficult.”

“Oh, shes alright. None of us are perfect gingerbread!”

“So very true! Go on, well wait herewont we, Christopher?”

The baby babbled, and the rescue mission commenced.

Julie opened the door just as, in a flash, a black streak shot past, bolted down the stairs, and vanished outside. She barely had time to gasp.

“Shut the door,” called the neighbour. “Youll not catch hershes like lightning. And scratches! Good luck!”

“Thanks!” Julie called as she dashed down the stairs, praying the front door was closed.

No luck. The door gaped open, professional movers hauling boxes outside.

“Anyone seen a cat?” Julie asked, not really expecting an answer.

To her surprise, one of the men waved toward the row of trees nearby.

“Up the tree over there!”

Everyone else just laughed at Julie, circling the tree as Martha hissed from the top branches. No one offered to help.

Julie tried calling, “Martha! Pss-pss!”

A furious wail answered.

“You little minx!” Julie muttered and braced herself. Up she went.

The street was deserted, rain falling in persistent English drizzle, pressing the gloom into her bones. Julie wanted more than anything to be snuggled under a blanket, mug of tea in hand, headphones inone ear left for Mums lectures if necessary. Anything but this.

But she had made a promise, and she meant to keep it.

She slung her rucksack behind her and climbed, inching closer to the wailing bundle of fur.

“Martha, dont be daft! Im here for you!”

A paw swiped close to her face; she nearly lost her grip.

Julie considered threatening Marthas tail but thought betterif Mrs. Carter was right about the cats intelligence, there was no telling what shed do.

At last, she grabbed the sodden cat by the scruff.

“Let go of that branch, will you?”

Julies snarled command would have cowed any animal, and Martha, apparently deciding Julie was from the same stock, released the branch and let herself be wriggled under Julies coat, where it was dry and warm.

But climbing down was a whole other challenge. Now, Julie remembered her lifelong fear of heights. She shut her eyes, clutching Martha to her chest.

“Mum”

It was a long way down. The rain beat harder.

“Cmon, Martha, why did you have to do this?”

The cat clung to Julies woolly jumper, and for once, was silent, as if she understood.

Julies phone buzzed non-stop in her pocket but she feared dropping it.

Calling for help would have been embarrassingthis was her own doing!

“You alright up there?” called a teasing voice from below. Julie jumped.

“Dont let go! Ill get you downgive me a minute.”

Of course, as if she could go anywhere. She snorted.

“Oh yes, Ill just wait here, no problem!”

“Cheeky” said the young man, and melted away.

Great, she thought, hes gone. Martha, why am I like this?

No time for self-pitythe man returned, adjusting a tall step ladder to the tree.

“Come on thenunless youre planning to roost there all night?”

“Im scared of heights” Julie admitted hesitantly.

Someone tugged her foot; she slipped from the branch and, without quite understanding how, found herself on the ladder with a strong hand steadying her.

“Got you! Down you go!”

On solid ground, Martha made to bolt, but Julie was quicker this time, stuffing her back under the coat and zipping up.

“Sit! I promised your owner Id look after you and I will!”

“You really are determined,” grinned the young man, skinny, ordinary-looking, but with the sort of smile that made Julies heart leap.

“Need a walk home?”

“No, Ill be fine,” she retorted, but soon regretted her tone. The man had helped, in the rain, likely going out of his way to find the ladderand all shed done was snap.

“Sorry Thank you. Id have been up there all night if you hadnt come along.”

“Why’d you even climb up if you hate heights?”

“The cat,” she mumbled. “Look, Id best get going. My mums worried.”

“You?” he teased. “After what weve been through, call me Tom. Ill walk you to the station, or home if youd like.”

“Its not far”

For the first time, Julie didnt feel cold. Instead, something warm fizzed inside, making her want to laugh at everything Tom said.

Martha stayed quiet under the coat, relishing the warmth, afraid even to purr in case she broke the rare spell.

Tom did walk Julie homeand the next day, he waited for her after work, and they went food shopping for Martha, who, it turned out, was royally fussy and would only eat what suited her palette.

Julie only kept Martha for a week. Then Mrs. Carters daughter arrived, tearful and grateful, asking Julie to return the cat.

“Mums missing her terribly. Shes coming to live with me nowIll make sure theyre together. Thank you for everything.”

Julie watched them go, the old lady clutching her purring cat, and thought, you never know whats going on in someone elses life. Its foolish to assume, really. If someone desperately wants their mothers cat, perhaps things are never as clear as they seem.

After all, instead of peering into someone elses darkness, its better to shine a little light in your own cornerespecially when someone is willing to build that little corner with you. And when you find that person, it wont matter who says I love you first, because the thing that matters most is this:

If someones truly right for you, when youre stuck up a treeliterally or metaphoricallytheyll find you, not mind the rain, and wont care what anyone else says. Theyll never tell you youre not quite right because, to them, youll always be just exactly enough.