Diagnosis: Betrayal

Diagnosis Betrayal

You two seem to be getting quite serious, Mrs. Margaret Barnes pressed, fixing her gaze on my girlfriend, clearly determined to get answers. So, Alana, when are you planning the wedding?

Alana offered a strained smile, carefully weighing her words so as not to upset what could well be her future mother-in-law. Im not sure the time is right just yet, she replied. Weve only been living together for a month. Its worth taking a little longer to see how we get on in everyday life Who knows, maybe well bicker over the little things.

Margaret raised an eyebrow but didnt let up. Truthfully, shed taken to Alana more than to Matthews previous flame. God, Sarah was a nightmareimpossible, rude! Margaret was so glad her son ended things with her.

Hows Ethan dealing with all this? Margaret switched topics with a measured smile, but her gaze remained sharp as a hawks. Hes a big lad now but still, you know

Alanas face softened at the mention of Matthews son. She thought back to those first awkward days, unsure if a sullen teenage boy would accept a new woman in his home or see her as some threat, a stand-in for his mother.

Hes wonderful, honestly, Alana replied, her smile more genuine now. I worried at first that he might dislike me, or at least be wary. But hes such a good-natured ladfriendly, open, helpful! Things turned out far better than I hoped.

She paused, remembering how Ethan had burst in after school one day, tasted the apple pie shed baked, and promptly declared thered be delicious food in the house forevermore.

In fact, Alana laughed, he was thrilled someone besides his dad would be in charge of dinner. Apparently my pies have a reputation already. Sometimes he even asks me to show him how to cook a few dishes.

Matthew, who had been quietly listening, nodded his agreementa small, prideful smile flickering across his lips.

So, has he dropped any hints about wanting a brother yet? Margaret said, all but winking.

I saw Matthew grimace at the question, shooting his mother a look that very clearly said Not this again, Mum. Everyone who knew Margaret knew she didnt shy away from uncomfortable topics regardless of who was present.

Oh, come now! Margaret chirped, undeterred and almost playfully breezy about the whole thing. He adores kids! Always running round with his cousins. And youre only thirty-fiveyouve got time to bring up a couple of little ones yet!

I could see Alanas discomfort rising. It was obvious she hated talking about something so personal in front of someone she still barely knew. She squeezed her hands under the table to keep her composure.

Im afraid thats out of the question, she said evenly, striving for a steady voice. The doctors have strictly advised me against having children.

For a heartbeat, silence fell. Margarets expression shifted; her previous warmth cooled by a degree.

Oh, womens issues, is it? she said with forced sympathy, a faintly patronising note creeping in. But medicines come such a long way, you know. What seemed impossible years ago is easily sorted now.

Alana bit back a sigh. It was clear the topic wouldnt just go away. She glanced at me for backup, but I just shruggedmy way of saying, Youre on your own here.

In my case, its not so simple, Alana said softly, her gaze fixed on the table. She really didnt fancy baring her soul to this woman, but saying nothing would only fuel Margarets imagination. I have serious problems with my eyesight. I was diagnosed at eighteen, so Ive had time to accept it. And that meanschildren wont be possible for me.

Margarets brow furrowed, a look of genuine confusion crossing her face.

Whats your eyesight got to do with it? she asked, genuinely puzzled. She couldnt see the connection and half wondered if it was just a convenient excuse.

Alana inhaled, gathering herself. Theres a ninety percent chance Ill lose my sight entirely, she explained levelly. Pregnancy would put too much strain on my body. It could cause irreversible damage. What kind of point is there in having a child I might never see?

She fiddled nervously with her glasses, the weight of the conversation evident. She desperately wanted Margaret to realise this wasnt some silly excuse or an attempt to keep her figurethis was a real, looming danger.

I could sense Margarets disappointment hanging in the air. She didnt attempt further conversation, only casting the occasional cold glance at Alanaa clear sign shed already decided this wasnt what she pictured for her son: in her ideal world, a healthy, robust daughter-in-law would soon grant her new grandchildren.

But Alana wasnt looking for pity or making excuses. Wed discussed all of this long ago, weighed every what if togetherconsultations, research, hard conversations, long evenings at the kitchen table. The risk was just too high for either of us to take. There were always optionsadoption, surrogacy. Its not so difficult nowadays.

When we finally left for home, the mood eased a little. Margaret hugged me goodbye, nodded to Alanaa gesture for appearances sake more than anything. As we put on our coats, I caught Alanas eye and tried to silently apologise.

As soon as we got outside, we both took a long, deep breath. The evening air felt fresher after that tense encounter. Alana reached for my hand, and I squeezed her fingers in reply. Nothing more needed saying. We both knew the introduction hadn’t been a success. Still, it changed nothing fundamental: wed chosen each other, whatever others might expect or think.

***

Three months later

Alana began to notice she didn’t quite feel herself. She tried to brush it offwork stress, maybe a mild bug. But as days dragged on, she grew worried.

Constant tiredness, nausea in the mornings, and even ordinary smells started to set her on edge. She tried to fix it herselfgot some over-the-counter remedies, drank more water, made an effort to get to bed early. Nothing helped. She struggled at work and collapsed every evening, utterly exhausted.

One evening, during a phone call, Alana told her mum what was going on, a tiredness in her voice she just couldnt shake.

Alana, darling, her mother said gently after a pause, are you absolutely sure youre not pregnant?

Alana was slightly taken aback by the question, considering for a moment before replying confidently. Of course not! I havent missed a single pill. The GP prescribed them after a thorough checkup, and I take them by the book.

Still, her mum sounded unconvinced: Just to put your mind at rest, get a test. Its not something to ignore, is it?

Alana nearly protested, but her mums tone gave her pause. As her mother said, it was simple enoughno harm in double-checking.

All right, Mum, she said finally, Ill pop down to the chemist now. Matthews still at work, so Ive got time.

She threw on her coat and walked down the roadonly a five-minute stroll to the local pharmacy. Her mind spun: what if her mum was right? But how? Shed been so careful

At the pharmacy, the sheer range of pregnancy tests was overwhelming. She hesitated, unsure, then plucked two mid-range boxes from the shelf. After all, this wasnt the time to scrimp. She paid, tucked them into her pocket, and hurried home.

She paused in the hallway, steadying her nerves as she opened the packages. Hands trembling, she did the tests just as the instructions described and waited.

The minutes dragged. Her eyes flicked between her watch and the test windows. Two clear lines appeared and on the second test, the same.

This cant be! she gasped. Its impossible! I was so careful…”

At that moment, the doorbell rang loudly, making her jump. It was too early for Matthew or anyone else. Then she realisedit was bound to be Ethan. The boy had a habit of forgetting his keys whenever he rushed home from school.

Alana quickly tossed the tests in the bin, smoothed her hair, and opened the door to a slightly breathless Ethan with his backpack slung over one shoulder.

Lost your keys again? she smiled, stepping aside to let him in.

Yeah, Ethan muttered sheepishly, pulling off his trainers. I was in a hurry and left them behind

She went to the kitchen to get food ready for the clearly starving boy, not noticing one of the pregnancy tests had missed the bin and landed, traitorously, on the floor

***

Matthew, Im going to stay with Mum for a weekshes not been well, Alana announced, avoiding my eyes as she packed. Lying to someone you love felt terrible, but what else could she do? Shed already made her decisionit was too risky.

I looked up immediately from my laptop, concern etched across my face. Let me know if you need anything. Medicine? I can come with youshe shouldnt be alone…

Alana smiled faintly, touched but uncomfortable. His willingness to help just made things harder.

Theres no need at the moment, reallythanks, though. Ill call if anything comes up.

She zipped her small bag, tucking in a jumper, jeans, some t-shirts, underwear, toothbrush She kept checking the timenearly the last coach to the next town, and she still had to get to the station. Her mum would meet her, and that was some comforta friendly face, no awkward questions.

Call me, please. Anything at all, ring me and Ill drive straight over.

I will, Alana replied, hugging me. I wont be long. You wont have time to miss me.

The journey passed in a haze, checking her phone repeatedlyno calls from me, her mum, or work. Her mind whirled, but she stuck to her plan: get there, sort things out, come back. And when it was all dealt with, talk to me, openly, honestly, without half-truths.

The following day, she went to a private clinic. Shed already booked inthe GP came highly recommended. The appointment was quick; check-up, bloods, scan. The doctor, a calm woman in her forties, looked over the results with care.

Yes, you are pregnant, she confirmed at last. A very early stage, five or six weeks by the looks of things.

Alana just nodded. Some part of her clung to the idea it might be a mistake: faulty tests, muddled results. But now it was plain.

But I was on the pill! How could this happen? Alanas voice wavereda mix of confusion and dread.

The doctor folded her hands. It could be a manufacturing problem with the batch, she said, Or maybe illness, antibiotics, digestive issuesanything that can interfere. Unfortunately, it does happen.

She hesitated, observing Alana carefully. Am I right in thinking you dont want to continue with the pregnancy?

Alana closed her eyes, running through the same sleepless-night questions shed been haunted by for days. Warnings from previous consultants, stories of the risksit was all still there, waiting.

Nine chances in ten Ill lose my sight, she said quietly. Would you go ahead in my position?

The GP nodded calmly, having seen the medical notes. Its entirely your decision, and I support you, given the risks. Well organise some more tests and then discuss the options. If you have any worries over the next few days, just call.

Alana took the referral letters, smoothing them distractedly. The fog in her head cleared just a little. She thanked the doctor and left, pausing in the corridor for a long breath. Tomorrow would bring a new step in this difficult process

***

Alana! I exclaimed down the phone, so full of excitement I didnt even pause to compose myself. Why didnt you tell me?

Alana went tense; her fist clenched around the phone. Tell you what? She tried to keep her voice even, mind racinghow had I found out?

That youre pregnant! I said, delight obvious. The way I spoke, youd think the nursery had already been painted.

Alana closed her eyes briefly, steadying herself.

What makes you say that? she replied, forcing calm, although my heart was pounding.

I found a pregnancy test under the kitchen countertwo lines, clear as day. Ive already booked you in with a great private doctor. Lets go together? I want to be there for you.

Alana sighed, gently but firmly trying to put a halt to my enthusiasm. Dont get ahead of yourself. Its likely just a false alarm. I never missed a single pill, you know. I followed every instruction. It just cant be right.

For a moment, there was silence. I could almost feel Alanas words sinking in.

Well, about that I ventured awkwardly. Mum came round the other dayshe saw your boxes of pills and went on and on about how your diagnosis isnt as bad as people say. Stories about all her friends, how modern medicine makes miracles happen now She was so convincing, and, well, I let her get to me.

I paused, waiting for her reaction. Alana listened silently, awash with conflicting emotionsappreciation for my hope, exasperation at my mother, anger at my interference.

Are you telling me you tampered with my pills? She spoke so calmly it was frightening.

No, honestlynothing like that! I protested. Its just when I dropped your bottle and the tablets scattered across the floor, Mum told me to take it as a sign. I swapped them for some vitamins. My voice faltered. I just wanted us to have a child. Mum said it would be fine

Alana went silent, working it all through. The one thing I had known better than anything was her strict medicationshed explained again and again how critical it was. One gapeven a single missed dosecould cost her everything.

Youre serious? Her voice grew tight. After all I told you, you still did this behind my back? Because your mum said so?

I shifted uncomfortably, unable to meet her eyes, desperate to explain. I thought it was best for our family

For our family? Her voice wobbled with anger. You never even spoke to me! You knew the risks, and still acted like it was your place to decide?

She paused to compose herself but it was clear she was done with the conversation.

I just wanted us to have a chance I said weakly. I was sure wed work it out together.

Alanas reply was cold, controlled: I dont have time to talk now. Can you meet me at the park, day after tomorrow, at noon?

Yes, of course! Relief mixed with hope in my voice. Well sort it out. I know we will.

See you then, she said simply, and hung up.

Alana boiled with fury. My actionsswapping her medication for vitamins, knowing all the risksamounted to a profound betrayal. Id ignored everything shed told me, trusted my mothers common sense over doctors orders. How could I have been so casual with her health, her very life? Alana knew she couldn’t trust me after that.

When I arrived at the park half an hour early, bouquet of white roses in handher favouritesI was hopeful. Id imagined shed forgive me and wed move on.

She arrived bang on noon, her brother James at her side, features set and unreadable. She didnt even glance at the flowers as she handed me a sheet of paper.

Whats this? I dont understand I stammered, staring at her cold expression.

It means theres not going to be a baby, she said, voice icy. You knew about my diagnosis. And still, you put my health at risk because your mother told you to. Ill be back for my things tomorrowwith James. Just to be clear.

She turned and walked away. I hurried after her, desperate, but James stepped purposefully into my patha wall of silent disapproval. His body language was unambiguous: dont follow her.

Youre lying! I burst out, voice cracking with disappointment and anger. I saw a specialist toothey said modern medicine could manage the risks! You just dont want a babyyoure making up excuses.

Alana halted and turned, pale but composed, her eyes flat. You went to seek medical adviceabout mewithout telling me? Did you even know my exact diagnosis?

I faltered; I hadnt. Id just described her case as eye problems and put my faith in someone elses optimism.

I only wanted a future togetheras a family, I said quietly. You said we could adopt, think about surrogacywhy not give it a go for ourselves?

She looked at me then, eyes shining with hurt. Because this isnt a game, Matthew! Its my life, my body, my sight. Did you even consider what it would be like for me to go blind? To lose my independence, my career, everything? Did you?

She paused, but I was already defeated.

You betrayed my trust, she said, subdued but firm. You knew those tablets were vital. You knew what was at stake yet you threw that away. I cant be with someone whose answer to a problem is to undermine me.

James closed the gap, radiating an urge to do me physical harm, but for her sake, stayed back.

I dont want anything to do with you, Alanas voice was steady once again. I cant spend my life worrying about what you, or your mother, might decide on my behalf.

I opened my mouth but nothing came out. I watched them walk away, James a quiet, protective presence at her side.

Left by myself, I slumped onto the nearest bench, white roses in handunwanted, undelivered.

Only then did I truly realisein my desperation for a family, intoxicated by optimism and my mothers certaintiesI had not only lost a future child, but the woman I truly loved.

The truth gnawed at me: what if she was right all along? But now it was far, far too late.