When Vera Came to Pick Up Her Son from Nursery, He Threw His Arms Around Her Neck and Whispered Fervently in Her Ear:

When Alice came to collect her son from nursery, he flung his arms around her neck and whispered fervently in her ear:

Mum, Mum, can we have Charlies granny come and live with us?

What? Whose granny? Whatever are you talking about? Alice didnt understand, helping her son into his coat. Come on, hurry upDads waiting for us in the car.

That granny, over there! Jamie pointed towards an elderly lady who was slowly leading a little boy out the nursery doors. Charlies! Thats what I mean!

Dont be ridiculous. Thats someone elses granny.

So what? Jamie whined. Ask her, please! I want her to be my granny too. Please, Mum.

You already have grandmothers, two even! Why would we need another one? Now stop with your nonsense. Get your trousers on.

Oh, Mum Jamie pulled a sad face as he wriggled into his warm trousers. My grandmothers arent proper grandmothers. Charlies is proper. Shes real.

What do you mean our grandmothers arent proper? Alice gave him an uncertain smile. Of course they are. Theyre the real deal! They gave birth to Dad and me, after allnot like Charlies granny.

So what? said Jamie, looking dispirited. Anyone can give birth. But that doesnt make them grannies.

How can you say that? Thats not true! Youre our son, which means our mothers are automatically your grandmothers!

I dont want them to be automatic! I want them to be real, Jamie protested stubbornly.

And what does that mean? How should they be, to be real grandmothers?

Like Charlies granny.

And whats so different about Charlies granny, compared to yours? Alice peered at him, mystified.

She lets Charlie call her Granny really loudly, explained Jamie. But my granniesone tells me to just call her Helen, and the other one tells me off when I shout Granny! in the courtyard.

What do you mean, tells you off?

She says, Im not a grannydont embarrass me in front of the neighbours! Im still young.

Is that my mum who says that?

Yeah. And she also said that youre always palming me off on her. But Charlies granny says Charlies the best thing in her life. I want to be someones best thing too.

She cant have said that Alice frowned, looking at Jamie, not quite so stern now. Come on, love, get dressedDadll be worried. What about Granny Helendoes she tell you off for calling her granny too?

She doesnt tell me off, Jamie muttered, shaking his head. She just ignores me when I say it. But if I call her Helen, shes pleased. Mum, why dont my grannies know how to make proper food?

What? Alice gave her son a bewildered look. What are you talking about? Do your grandmothers starve you when you stay with them?

Yes, Jamie replied sharply. They do.

How can you say that? Dont fib! They feed you better than they ever did us when we were little. Everything best is for youIve seen what they give you myself!

Oh, come on, Jamie grimaced. Sandwiches, frozen pies, salads Is that really the best food?

So what do you want then?

Pancakes.

Pancakes? his mother repeated.

Yeah. Or crumpets. Charlies granny told him todayWhen we get home, Ill make you some hot crumpets with cream and jam. Remember when we made jam together in the summer? And Charlie, happy as anything, nods at her. Ive never made jam with my grannies.

Oh, Jamie. Alice gazed at him with pity. How about tonight we have tea and jam then, eh? We can pop into the shop and get some.

No way It doesnt taste as nice from the shop

How would you know?

I already asked my grannies They bought it

And have you ever asked them to make crumpets?

Yeah Jamie looked glum as he pulled on his coat. They say its too much bother, and instead they take me to a café. The pancakes there are cold, and the jam is syrupy. Charlies granny says crumpets straight from the pan are the best food in the world.

Oh, they are Alice said wistfully, taking Jamie by the hand as she led him out of the nursery. They really are. My own granny used to make them for me too

As they walked to the car park, where Jamies dad was waiting in the car, Alice dialled her friends number.

Susan, are you home right now? she asked, trying not to sound too sheepish.

Yes, her friend replied.

Can I ask you a favour? And dont you dare laugh.

Whats up?

You told me once you make the best crumpets everand your son eats as many as you can make.

So?

Can you give me the recipe for the batter? When Susan laughed, Alice protested, I said dont laugh! Im desperate.

Better yet, come round and Ill show you. You can learn hands-on.

When should I come?

Right now.

I cant just now, Alice faltered. Im collecting Jamie from nurserymy husbands waiting.

Well, bring them both over! The boys can get to know each other. Ill put the kettle on. See you soon. And Susan hung up.

The next day, Alice took time off work especially. She went to her mothers and started teaching her how to make crumpets. Her mum puffed and made a fuss, muttering about how times had changed for older ladies, but Alice said firmly:

Mum, if were so much trouble for you, Ill never bring Jamie round again. But do you know the difference between a real granny and just a grandmother? And why dont you ever make jam in the summer? Youve got a grandson now!

Her mother opened her mouth to retort, but catching Alices determined gaze, decided to hold her tonguefor now.