Husband Refused to Spend His Salary on Groceries and Household Expenses

Though we had already whittled our expenses to the barest minimum, my husband announced his intention to start saving money for a house for our son. Only yesterday, after receiving his latest pay packet, he stated firmly, Im going to put money aside from now on so our boy can have a home of his own. Yet, this declaration brought me no reliefquite the opposite, in fact. Let me share why.

More than a decade past, my husband had come to our town in search of work. He worked as a buildera trade that demands much and gives little comfort. Before we met, he would send nearly all his wages back to his mother, keeping just enough for his daily needs. His workmates encouraged him to save for a home, but he found satisfaction in providing for his mother. She had two other sons besides himthey also supported her, though none quite as tirelessly as my future husband.

When we married, our life began in the tired old flat of my own mother and grandmother, whose walls had not seen new paint or repair in years.

At first, my husband was caring and attentive, though less so towards my mother and grandmother. I thought it a matter of adjustment and trusted he would grow warmer with time. And he did changebut for the worse. He began to drink heavily, became coarse with me and my mother, and made no end of jibes about the rundown state of the flat. In hindsight, separating would have been wise, but he was adamant that we should have a child, and, swayed by love and hope, I agreedbelieving that a baby might mend things. I became pregnant, and soon our son was born.

Sadly, our troubles only deepened. Money dried up. My meagre maternity pay barely covered nappies, and all income was thrown together in a communal pot.

My mother, on her modest wages, paid the bills and bought my costly medication for a chronic ailment. What little she had left went on groceries and essentials. My grandmother, who had been saving her small pension for her own funeral, gave every last penny for our wedding.

My husband had hoped his own family might contribute for the wedding, but not a one did. We held a grand affair, all at the expense of my grandmother and his savings, though a more modest gathering would have sufficed. The extravagance, however, was his wish.

Throughout our seven years of marriage, my husband continued to support his mother, both financially and in every other way. Thanks to his efforts, her home was completely refurbishedwith new household appliances paid for out of his pocket. On more than one occasion, when we had barely any money to buy bread, I discovered by chance his secret stashput by to send to his mother. These discoveries sparked many a quarrel, and he would promise hed stop, yet always revert to his old ways.

After his mother died, my husband and his elder brother, wanting to be honourable (or, in my opinion, rather foolish), renounced their share of their mothers house in favour of their youngest brother.

That youngest brother, by the by, gave precious little in return to their mother. So, all those yearsmy husbands toil and sacrificebenefited his mothers household, when afterwards he refused his right to any share. My pleas that he at least claim his lawful inheritance fell on deaf ears.

Following the birth of our child, my husbands temperament was harsher still: penny-pinching on food and necessities for me and the baby, constant quarrels with my mother, and ever more frequent trips to the pub. I dont dare file for divorcethe boy is still young, my health is poor, and the threat hangs that I may lose my job once my leave ends. For now, I must bear it.

He seizes on my hardship, reminding me endlessly that my mother and grandmother live off his earnings, complaining he tires of providing for us allthough, in fact, we all contribute what we can, pooling every shilling from my mother, grandmother, myself, and him into one household fund.

I have dreamed for as long as I remember of buying a home for our sonso has he, or so hes claimed. Yet its always been a distant dream, beyond reach due to scant savings. Then yesterday, he insisted that a third of his wages must be set aside for the future house. This, of course, means even greater sacrifice nowendless scrimping, stretching every pound further than possible, condemning us to years of struggle. I objected, but he would not be swayed, determined to do as he pleased.

But deep down, I fear his true intent has less to do with our sons future and more with plotting to leave us, feathering his own nest at the cost of our deprivation. The rift between us has grown so wide, I worry he is saving to buy his freedom, not our childs security.

I have shared these anxieties with him. He claims hes afraid that, one day, I will cast him out and claim the home for myself. There have been bitter moments when Ive threatened such a thing, though I do not wish it true. If only he would show kindness to my mother and grandmother, Id not say a word against him.

Yet he makes no move to change. The life I share with my familyand the man I once lovedhas turned into an unending misery, a maze of hardship from which I see no escape.