In Someone Else’s Shoes

Instead of Myself

My stepmother always had a keen eye, and she knew full well that Mary didnt want to marry the widower, not because he had a small daughter and not because he was older, but because she was terribly afraid of him.

His piercing gaze seemed to go straight through you, and fear would make Marys heart beat so loudly it was as if it was trying to dodge invisible arrows. Shed stare at the floor, refusing to look up for long stretches, and when she did, her eyes were brimming with tears.

Those tears would spill in a rush over her rosy cheeks, flushed with embarrassment. Her hands would tremble and her tiny fists seemed ready to fight back both the stepmother and the would-be groom.

But in the end, her traitorous tongue betrayed her and she muttered, Ill go.

Now, thats settled, then, my stepmother declared, clapping her hands. To a house like his, to a man like him, who could say no? Why, he treated his first wife like she was made of glassshe was a weak little thing, constantly frail, always having a cough. Hed walk three steps, shed barely manage one, and hed just scoop her up, comfort hernever once raised his voice, not like your mad old father.

When she was expecting, youd hardly see her at alla shadow in the house, more than anything. After the birth, he was up every night with the child while she wasted away. His mother used to say so.

And youfull of life! Hell treat you like a lady, set you up as mistress of his fine parlour. You know your way around everything, from the plough in the field to the loom in the parlour. It would be a sin to waste you on some young lad, all bluster and nonsense, who hasnt found his feet yet. This mans an open book. You couldnt be luckier.

Ill have some cider ready, well spend a cosy eveningtheres no need for a big wedding, no sense in offending the memory of his late wife with dance and noise. Hes said not to bother with a dowry; his house has all you could want.

Edward, the widower, had married for love the first time, knowing that Vera was often ill and never robust, and his mother would say that a fine, healthy lad like him deserved a proper woman, not a sickly bundle. But no argument from friend, family, or his own reason changed Edwards mindonly Vera would do, and that was that.

People whispered all sorts in the village, said he mustve been bewitched. Only someone cursed would turn their life into such a hospital ward, filled with suffering.

The doctors said Veras lungs were weak, that every cold would turn to something worse, and could lead to asthmaor more.

Edward thought love could keep death at bay, that hed nurse Vera back to health and the illness would vanish. For a time, after the wedding, all was well.

The newlyweds were as happy as spring lambs. Then Vera fell pregnant, and it was as if the life had been turned inside out of herconstant fatigue, dizzy spells, always half asleep, she could do nothing, not even comb her once-lustrous hair.

The doctors called it a bad case of sickness, said shed recover after the child was born. Edward cared for her with boundless patience and love. His mother would scold him, day in and day out, that hed only brought trouble into the house. Edward fiercely protected his wife and even banned his mother from coming by.

When Vera delivered a girl, Edward hoped that happiness and strength would return to their home. And for a while, happiness did arrive, but not for long. Vera caught a chill and never recovered, but faded away in front of everyones eyes.

She was taken to hospital, where the doctor broke it bluntly: Her lungs are falling apart.

He said it straight, rough as old boots. Vera knew her time was short. At first, she braved it out and hid her pain, forcing smiles that looked more like grimacesher lips tried to smile, but her terrified eyes betrayed her.

It was as if she was saying farewell with her gaze, begging us to remember her smiling always. Her thin frame, protruding ribs, flat chest and bony hands spoke loud as wordsdeath was close, waiting for the last breath of its chosen one.

Sensing her end, Vera asked Edward to listen closely.

No one yet has broken Gods plan, she said. Our loves tired of fighting off death. Ive no strength left, Edward, and Im weary with pain and worry. Forgive me, and our daughter too. I was born to suffering and Ive passed that on to you both.

Edward held her hot hands and kissed them. Her breathing was rough, urgenthe knew her minutes were counting down. She rambled about her love for them, her fears for their daughter, then stopped for breath and said slowly,

Marry Mary. Shell make a good wife, and youre a good husband, a good father. Shell be a wonderful mother, after all the hardship shes weathered with her stepmother, stepsisters, and a drunken father. I know her life inside out; my mothers in and out of their house and misses nothing.

Marys gentle, hardworking, and patient. Shell be kind to our girl, and shell love you. Be with her as you were with me. Treat her as if Im standing beside you, living on in her. Forgive my words, but it isnt just my lungs that are blackenedmy souls gone dark worrying for our child. But your fate is in Gods hands. Do as you feel right. Just rememberdont let our daughter want for love, or Ill curse you from beyond the grave. These last words she said clear and strong.

With the little force she had, she squeezed Edwards hand.

Edward wept, his tears making Veras face blur before him as he heard her breaths quicken. Her face was peaceful, a gentle smile set on her lips, staring at a single spot. Her hand never let go of his.

He kissed her from head to toe, promising hed do as shed asked. Thats why, a year after her passing, he asked Mary to marry him.

It was Edwards mother-in-law who arranged things, wanting a kind mother for her granddaughter, knowing her own time was short. No one understood better than her what Edward had been through, and for his care of Vera she wouldve kissed his feet and prayed every night for his happiness.

The courtship felt like a dream. Seeing the hardship borne by his daughter without her mother, and unable to run the household alone, Edward resolved to carry out Veras last wish.

Hed watched Mary for some time and saw she was obedient, gentle, pretty and, in some ways, even reminded him of Veraher hair, her smile, the way she walked.

Sometimes, I just wanted to stand close to her, gather her tightly in my arms and say nothing, just picturing Veras face.

As for Mary, she could hardly say why shed agreed to marry Edward. Maybe she was tired of being little more than a servant to her stepmother; maybe she had grown weary of dragging her drunken father home and shielding him from tirades, or perhaps it was the sneers of her stepsisters, or pity for Edwards little girl.

But, whatever her reasons, as soon as she agreed, Mary knew she was facing yet another challengeto find love for Edward, and to help him love her in return.

After the engagement, Edward wanted Mary to meet his daughter, Alice, properly.

Vera had rarely left the house, preferring always to be with Alice. Every minute, every second, shed watch her child with unending affection. Often, waking in the night, Edward would see Vera leaning over Alice, whispering gentle words, as if she were giving her advice for a future she wouldnt see.

Edward could never think of those scenes without tears. Alice was a homebody, never venturing near strangers. She had her father, her mother, her grandmother, and a grumpy, sharp-tongued old great-grandmother.

Edward invited Mary to his house to spend some time with Alice, away from his stepmother, who acted as if she was finally free of a cow that gave no milk.

Mary was mostly quiet alone with Edward, but she noticed how kind and considerate he was, with not a hint of gruffness. He even asked her directly: if she had someone else she cared for, hed step aside. He never mentioned Veras last request.

The house itself amazed Mary; hand-crafted furniture, carefully polished, dozens of embroidered pictures in carved wooden frames, large bright rooms. When Alice saw Mary, she acted curiously, but quickly grew playful, bringing out her toys and begging for Mary to play with her, often trying to touch Marys hand, studying her face with bright, inquisitive eyes.

Mary, while playing, gently stroked Alices thick, pretty hair.

Let me do your hair, make you look like a proper princess, she offered.

Edward, watching them, felt a joy in his soul he hadnt known for ages.

Hed dreaded bringing Mary home, knowing Alice still asked after her mother, peered out the window hoping for her return, and rushed to the door at every visitor, filled with hope that never came true.

Hed tried explaining, but Alice was only just four, and no amount of words would outweigh the warmth and comfort of a mothers gentle hands.

Edward knew, too, and feared putting his faith in Mary. But when Alice pouted and nearly burst into tears at Marys leaving, Edward felt something finally settle in his heart.

Alice grabbed Marys hand and led her to her room, where she fussed over the pillows as if she owned the place, climbed on the bed and bounced to the ceiling with happiness.

Mary remembered her own arrival into a house with a stepmother; how later shed be reproached for every crust of bread, how sweet things were kept and secretly given only to her stepsisters, how she was rapped over the knuckles for the hardest chores, always in hand-me-down patched dresses, how shed cover her drunken father with her own blanket when stepmother would chuck him onto the floor and curse Mary for being born. She remembered her stepmother threatening to drive her off at the first chance, and her curses. With a tight throat, Mary went to Alice.

She hugged the child tight, and lay beside her until Alice fell into the deepest, happiest sleep.

Edward, overwhelmed with joy, hardly knew what to do with Mary. They sipped their tea in contented silence, smiling at each other. He didnt let her go home that night.

He simply wouldnt let her go.

A wife should be with her husband, not back in a house where shes neither needed nor wanted

Today, reflecting on all this, I realise: kindness and patience shape the heart more than any hardship ever could. Its through loving anothers child and opening ones home with honesty that true family is madenot just through blood, but through compassion, hope and mercy.