“But how am I supposed to explain to everyone why you’re not at Mum’s celebration?” the man asked, bewildered.

And how am I supposed to explain to everyone why youre not at Mums birthday do? Thomas asked, sounding bewildered.

Thank you, that was delicious, he said, sliding his plate away. Catherine, we need to have a chat.

Catherine gave him a wry smile. I think I know what its about.

Oh yes? Go on then.

Your mums birthday.

He nodded. Thats right. Todays the tenth, and her birthday is on the eighteenth.

And mine is the twentieth. I hope you havent forgotten? Catherine looked at him, eyebrow raised.

Of course not, love

Thomas, dont even start! Im saying it now no!

But you havent even heard my suggestion, he replied.

I dont want to hear it! Ive already booked a table for ten at the new bistro on Saturday. Eight are my friends, and the other two are us. Thats if you even turn up. If not, well celebrate without you.

The tricky part was, Thomass mums birthday fell on the eighteenth of September, and Catherines was on the twentieth.

For the third year running, as September approached, Thomas felt torn. He never managed to juggle the two celebrations without someone feeling slighted.

Catherine, Mum suggested we hold both birthdays together on Saturday at hers. Makes sense really! No point getting everyone together twice in one week. Plus, Thursday isnt convenient for anyone, and everyones free at the weekend.

Thomas, who said I want to spend my birthday with all your cousins, aunts, and nieces? Ive invited my friends, you know them all.

Mum will be upset, Thomas said.

And what about me? The past two years you didnt seem to mind upsetting me. Have you forgotten how that went?

Oh, it wasnt that bad.

Not that bad? Lets refresh your memory! Two years ago, wed just gotten married in April. Come September, it was your mums sixtieth. What did you say to me?

Catherine, she wants a proper family do at home, no fuss. Lets not make plans for Saturday!

So I begged for Friday afternoon off work, then spent half of Friday and all Saturday morning chopping, peeling, roasting, simmering the works in your mums kitchen.

And Saturday I went back and forth, serving in the lounge and washing up in the kitchen like some waitress. And, might I add, no one even wished me a happy birthday!

Thats not true; Zoe did, Thomas protested.

No! She smiled and said, Oh was it? Well, thats come and gone, hasnt it? Whats the point reminding us now? when you told her. Lovely, that.

Well, I spoke to Mum and last year she made a point of toasting you.

Oh yes, lets talk about last year! Friday, the twentieth yet again, I was chef and kitchen porter. When I asked Veronica why Zoe wasnt helping, do you know what your mother said?

Zoes got a manicure today, cant risk ruining her hands. Shes got the beautician and hairdresser early tomorrow, as well.

Zoe showed up to the party looking like royalty, while I barely had time to change before guests started piling in. Yes, they remembered me that time. There was a toast, but that was it. No one other than you and my parents gave me a present, either last year or the year before. So this year, let your mum know not to count on me.

She wont manage on her own, Catherine!

Shes got you, her son, and Zoe, her daughter. I think you two can manage. This Saturday is my birthday, and I want to spend it the way I choose, with my friends.

And how will I explain your absence to everyone at Mums? Thomas pleaded.

Oh, Thomas! No one will so much as ask about me! Unless someone needs an extra pair of hands in the kitchen, that is. Your familys so tight-knit, I honestly feel like a spare part when Im there.

Catherine made it clear to Thomas that she deserved to celebrate her birthday the way she wanted. His mother and sister, however, believed the daughter-in-law ought not to break with family tradition.

So, for days, Veronica and Zoe tried to persuade her to fall in line and turn up for the family lunch at Veronicas house.

Catherine, Veronica called, weve built such a lovely tradition! The past two years weve combined celebrations and it was marvellous! Why on earth are you suddenly being so difficult?

Veronica, its simple: firstly, I want to mark my birthday with my friends. Secondly, I want to do it in a restaurant, not running between kitchen and sitting room. I want to enjoy my own party, not spend it fussing over plates.

But we all have such a good time at home! Veronica protested.

Thats because you all chat together in the lounge while I fetch, carry, and clean. Thats not a party for me.

I never thought youd refuse to help your husbands mother, Veronica sniffed.

Zoe was even more blunt:

Catherine! Stop being ridiculous! Mums sorted the menu, Dads done the food shop time to decide what youll be making.

Mum sent the shopping list to Thomas. Stop making a fuss. Do you really want a row with your mother-in-law? Saturday will be over soon enough and then you can see your friends all you want.

Zoe, I told your mum in advance my plans are my own this year. Im sure youll manage to help her perfectly well.

Thomas was in the worst position of all torn between wife and mother, he dreaded upsetting either.

Although Catherine didnt pressure him to join her, he knew shed be wounded if he chose his mothers party over hers.

Catherine, meanwhile, made no mention of her Saturday plans again. On Friday, Veronica rang her at work:

Catherine, where are you? Surely youve given up that silly idea about the restaurant? We need to get started, or well never be ready by tomorrow!

Veronica! Im at work. As I said, I wont be coming to help with the party preparations this time. Zoe will have to help you.

I hope you realise Thomas wont be happy about you refusing to help his family, warned Veronica.

Well, marrying Thomas didnt mean I have to sacrifice my own life to become your housekeeper!

I have my own plans, friends and interests and most of these are also Thomass friends. Im not giving all that up just to be your cook and dishwasher.

With that, the conversation drew to a frosty close.

On Saturday, Thomas, clutching his mothers birthday gift, headed to his mums. Catherine, at four oclock, left to the bistro where shed reserved her table.

Her friends gathered promptly. Only the chair beside her sat empty. No one commented; everyone knew the situation.

They toasted her, gave gifts, and had a good laugh. Even so, Catherine kept glancing at the door, hoping her husband would appear.

And appear he did, nearly an hour late, storming in with her favourite peach-coloured roses.

Catherine, Ive only just escaped! Practically ran here. You were mentioned a few times, by the way. Aunt Rachel asked why the Mushroom Meadow salad wasnt on the table she loved it last time and wanted the recipe.

And the food was a bit sparse. Oh, and Zoe sulked the whole time she managed to break two nails helping Mum.

For the two years that followed, Catherine helped only as a consultant with family parties, as she was soon expecting her son.

When Veronica turned sixty-five, she held her birthday at a restaurant.

What did that Catherine want anyway? she would moan. We always had such lovely parties, and yet she had to go and make a fuss!

Sometimes, standing up for yourself is seen as making waves, but if you never draw your own boundaries, youll keep losing pieces of yourself. Catherine learned that its not selfish to honour your own needs; in fact, its the only way you can genuinely share in the happiness of others.