З життя
Четверо дітей, а старість на самоті
Материнство — найвеличніший дар, але й найтяжче випробування. Коли жінка стає матір’ю, вона віддає себе цілком: здоров’я, молодість, мрії… Але хто знає, як діти віддячать за це колись? Чи будуть поряд, коли прийде старість? Чи пригорнуть теплом, коли сили покидатимуть? Чи залишать на самоті — зі спогадами, світлинами та болем, який ніякі ліки не зможуть вгамувати.
Олена Миколаївна Коваленко прожила життя, мов білка в колесі. Працьовита, мовчанлива, сама підняла четверо дітей після того, як її чоловік загинув у автокатастрофі. Тоді молодшій, Насті, ще й року не виповнилося. Відтоді жоден чоловік не переступив порогу її хати. Не тому що не кликали — просто серце було зайняте дітьми. Вони стали її світом.
Олена працювала без відпочинку, бралася за будь-яку роботу: мила підлоги у дитсадку, торгувала на базарі, в’язала на замовлення. Все для дітей. Собі нічого не дозволяла — носила одні й ті ж чоботи по кілька зим, забила на манікюр і кіно. Все життя — аби діти були ситі, одягнені, освічені.
Старша дочка, Марія, закінчила медичний інститут, потім поїхала до Німеччини — спочатку стажування, потім робота. Вийшла заміж, народила дітей. Тепер у неї свій будинок, своя родина, своє життя. Олені лише посилає листівки на свята, іноді фото у вайбері. Дзвонить рідко — весь час зайнята. Олена розуміє. Та й пишається нею по-своєму.
Два сини, Олексій і Тарас, живуть у Львові. Місто недалеко, та справа не у відстані. Телефонують раз на місяць, у гості не їздять. Весь час у справах, у турботах. Олена дізнається про їхнє життя від сусідів, іноді з фейсбуку. Не скаржиться. Радіє, що в них усе добре.
Наймолодша, Настя, довго жила з матір’ю. Після школи, університету, потім вийшла заміж і переїхала до Тернополя — у чоловіка там була бабусина квартира. Олена важко пережила розлуку: адже саме Настя була поруч найдовше. Вона тепер дзвонить частіше, та… між рядками чується — поспішає, не встигає, живе своїм дорослим життям.
Олена вже давно не виходить з двору. Серце підводить, ноги опухають, тиск скаче. Сама ледь до крамниці добирається, варить щось просте. Іноді сусідки приносять продукти. А частіше допомагає Ганна Олексіївна — стара подруга. Саме вона возила Олену по лікарях, оформляла ліки, викликала швидку, коли стало зовсім погано.
Діти… Вони ніби є, але їх ніби й нема. Олена не звинувачує їх. Можливо, саме вона зробила їх таких — самостійних, відчужених. Не навчила просити допомоги, бо сама завжди справлялася сама.
Нещодавно Настя запропонувала забрати матір до себе, та її чоловік різко відмовив: мовляв, тісно, незручно, старим — у пансіонати. Слово за слово — і тему закрили. Олена й не наполягала. Не хотіла бути тягарем.
Тепер її дні однакові. Вранці — молитва, пігулка, чашка чаю. Потім телевізор наПотім знову тиша, перегортає сторінки старого альбому, і лише вікно нагадує, що за ним — світ, який вже давно живе без неї.
Why Does It Matter Who Looked After Gran? By Law, That Flat Should Be Mine! — My Mum Argues With Me Over My Grandmother’s Home My Own Mother is Threatening to Sue Me — All Because My Gran’s Flat Went Not to Her, or Even to Me, But to My Daughter. Mum Claims It’s Unfair, Insists the Flat Should Be Hers. But Gran Made a Different Choice. Why? Perhaps Because My Husband and I Lived With Her and Cared for Her Those Last Five Years. You Could Easily Call My Mum Selfish — Her Needs Were Always Far More Important Than Anyone Else’s. Mum’s Been Married Three Times, But Only Had Two Daughters: My Younger Sister and Me. We Get On Brilliantly, But Neither of Us Has a Great Relationship With Mum. I Don’t Even Remember My Dad — He Split From Mum When I Was Two. Up Until I Was Six, I Lived With Mum at Gran’s. For Some Reason, I Thought Gran Was Awful — Probably Because Mum Was Always Crying. Only When I Grew Up Did I Understand: Gran Was Good, She Just Wanted to Help Her Daughter Make a Better Life. Later, Mum Married Again and We All Moved In With My Stepfather. That’s When My Sister Was Born. But After Seven Years, Mum Got Divorced Again. This Time, We Didn’t Go Back to Gran’s. Stepfather Went Off to Work and Let Us Stay in His Flat for a Bit. Three Years Later, Mum Married Husband Number Three and We Moved In With Him. He Wasn’t Pleased Mum Had Children, Though He Never Hurt Us — He Just Ignored Us. So Did Mum. She Was Obsessed With Her New Husband, Always Jealous, Always Causing Rows and Breaking Crockery. Once a Month Mum Would Start Packing, But Stepfather Always Talked Her Round. My Sister and I Got Used to It and Stopped Noticing. I Ended Up Looking After My Sister — Mum Didn’t Have the Time. Thank Goodness for Our Grandmothers, Who Helped Us So Much. Eventually, I Left for University, and My Sister Moved In With Gran. Our Dad Always Supported Her; Mum Would Call Us Only at Christmas. I Accepted Mum For Who She Was and Stopped Expecting Her to Care, But My Sister Never Did. She Was Always Hurt, Especially When Mum Skipped Her School Leavers’ Party. We Grew Up. My Sister Got Married and Moved Away. I Was Living With My Long-Term Boyfriend; We Visited Gran Often and Stayed Close, Though I Tried Not to Be a Nuisance. When Gran Fell Ill and Went Into Hospital, I Visited Every Day: Shopping, Cooking, Cleaning, Chatting, Making Sure She Took Her Medicine. Sometimes My Boyfriend Helped Out Too. After Six Months, Gran Suggested We Move In to Save for Our Own Place, So We Did. Six Months Later, I Was Pregnant. We Got Married, Had a Simple Family Do — Mum Didn’t Come, Not Even a Phone Call. When My Daughter Was Two Months Old, Gran Broke Her Leg. Caring for Both Was Hard and I Desperately Needed Mum’s Help, But She Refused, Saying She Wasn’t Well and Would Come Later. She Never Did. Six Months On, Gran Had a Stroke and Was Bedridden. If Not for My Husband, I Don’t Know How I’d Have Coped. Gran Slowly Improved, She Even Got to See Her Great-Granddaughter Take Her First Steps, and Lived Another Two-and-a-Half Years. She Passed Away Peacefully in Her Sleep. My Husband and I Were Devastated By Her Loss. Mum Only Came for the Funeral. A Month Later, She Tried to Evict Me So She Could Have the Flat. Mum Hadn’t Realised Gran Had Left It to My Daughter Right After She Was Born. Naturally Mum Was Furious, Demanding I Give Up the Flat or She’d Sue Me. “Look How Deceitful You Are! You Duped the Old Woman, Took Her Flat, And Now You Live In It Yourself! You Won’t Get Away With This! It Doesn’t Matter Who Looked After Gran — That Flat Should Be Mine!” But Mum Won’t Get That Flat, I Know That for Certain. I’ve Spoken to a Solicitor and a Notary. We’ll Stay in the Home Gran Gave Us, and If Our Second Child Is a Girl, She’ll Be Named After Gran.
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