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Чоловік моєї мрії пішов від дружини до мене, але я не знала, чим це обернеться

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Мрії про чоловіка мого серця втілилися у стосунки, але навіть не здогадувалася, якими будуть наслідки

Я мріяла про нього ще з університетських часів, живучи в невеличкому містечку під Києвом. Це було кохання, що сліпило, несло у вихор забуття. Коли він нарешті звернув на мене увагу, я втратила останні краплі здорового глузду. Наші шляхи перетнулися через роки після університету — ми зустрілися в одній юридичній конторі. Спільна професія, інтереси — я вирішила, що це не просто випадковість, а знак долі, моя казка, яка ось-ось стане реальною.

Він здавався мені ідеалом, чоловіком з моїх мрій. Те, що у нього була дружина, мене в молодості не бентежило — я не розуміла, що означає руйнування шлюбу, та яка біль ховається за цими історіями. Я не відчувала сорому, коли Роман залишив свою дружину заради мене. Хто міг подумати, що це рішення обернеться для мене таким болем? Народна мудрість не бреше: на чужому горі свого щастя не збудуєш.

Коли він обрав мене, я була на сьомому небі, готова була пробачити йому все. Але в повсякденності він виявився далеко не принцем. Його розкидані речі заполонили квартиру, він відмовлявся мити посуд, і весь побут навалився на мене важким тягарем. Я закривала очі на це — любов засліплювала, робила мене м’якою, піддатливою, майже безвольною.

Про свій минулий шлюб він забув швидко, немов стер його з пам’яті. Дітей у них не було, а весілля, як він зізнався, влаштували за наполяганням її батьків. «З тобою все інакше, ти — моя доля», — шепотів він мені, і я розчинялася в цих словах. Моє щастя було яскравим, але коротким, мов блискавка. Все змінилося, коли я завагітніла.

Спочатку Роман сяяв від радості — дитина, його дитина! Ми влаштували велике сімейне свято, запросили рідних, друзів. Тости, побажання щастя і здоров’я малюкові — той вечір залишився світлим острівцем тепла в моїй пам’яті. Я не шкодую про нього, але після цієї ночі моя сліпа любов почала згасати, ніби свічка на вітрі.

Чим більше ріс мій живіт, тим рідше я бачила Романа вдома. Я пішла у декрет, і наші зустрічі скоротилися до пізніх вечорів. Він затримувався на роботі, зникав на корпоративних заходах. Спочатку я терпіла, але невдовзі це стало нестерпним. Побут перетворився на тортури: я, вагітна, ледь рухалася, а його шкарпетки та сорочки валялися повсюди, як німі докори моїй наївності. Я запитувала себе: чи не поспішили ми з дитиною? Кохання згасає з часом, я це знала, але не думала, що воно так швидко щезне.

Він ще приносив квіти, шоколад, але мені було потрібно не це — я хотіла його поруч, його підтримки, тепла. А потім з’ясувалася правда. Випадкова розмова з колегами під час кави відкрила мені очі: в відділ прийшла нова працівниця, молода, енергійна. Штат і так був переповнений, а мій вихід у декрет загострив ситуацію. Випадковість? Я не знала, вона це чи ні, але Роман явно мав на стороні когось. Його життя тепер складалося з «роботи», «зустрічей» і «невідкладних заходів». Одного разу я знайшла в кишені його піджака записку з незнайомими ініціалами. Серце стиснулося, але я мовчки поклала її назад, вирішивши вдавати, що нічого не бачу. Страх залишитися однією на сьомому місяці вагітності паралізував мене.

Він почав скаржитися, що я «вічно на нервах», а кожна сварка закінчувалася його втомленим зітханням, наче я була тягарем. Я боялася заговорити про головне — знала, що це кінець. І він настав. Найжахливіші слова, які я чула в житті, були: «Я не готовий до дітей. У мене є інша». Як він це сказав — не пам’ятаю, в голові шуміло, світ розвалювався. Я думала, що зійду з розуму від болю і приниження.

Але я знайшла в собі сили. Подала на розлучення, хоча кожна буква в заяві була як удар по серцю. Він не чекав, що я наважусь, що викину його речі за поріг наступного ж дня. Слава Богу, квартира була орендована — ділити її не довелося.

— А дитина? Подумай про дитину! Як ти його виростиш? — кинув він на прощання.

— Впораюся. Працюватиму з дому. І батьки допоможуть. Мама завжди казала, що ти зрадник, треба було її слухати, — відрізала я, закривши двері.

Відповідальність за сина дала мені сили, яких я в собі не підозрювала. Сама б я ніколи не пішла, але заради нього — змогла. Його зрада була настільки підлою, що я викреслила Романа з свого життя, немов його ніколи не існувало. Очі мої відкрилися, і я побачила його справжнього.

Перші місяці після розлучення, разом з пологами, були жахливими. Я повернулася до батьків у сусіднє містечко — вони прийняли мене з розпростертими обіймами, особливо радісно вітали онука. Я сумувала за Романом, але проганяла ці думки. В глибині душі я знала: я зробила правильно і дам синові все можливе.

Як тільки сили повернулися, я взялась за роботу — перекладала юридичні тексти вдома. Бували місяці без доходу, але батьки підтримували мене, поки я не здобула клієнтів. Син ріс, роки летіли непомітно. Я усвідомила це, коли зрозуміла, що йому потрібен власний куток. Батьки не хотіли нас відпускати, але я мріяла про незалежність — свій кабінет, його кімнату для навчання. На той час я могла дозволити собі зняти квартиру.

Життя налагодилося. Дитячий садок змінився школою, перший клас — п’ятим, і я вперше за багато років відчула свободу і спокій. Але тут він з’явився знову. Наше містечко мале, а в юридичній сфері всі один одного знають. Роман знайшов мій офіс без труднощів. Як я жаліла, що не поїхала далі! Він заявив, що «надивився на світ», що шкодує про минуле, що був «молодий і дурний». Благав познайомити його з сином, якого навіть не бачив.

За законом він має право на зустрічі, і якщо захоче — доб’ється свого. Але сама думка про це лякає мене до нестями. З того часу пройшло кілька тижнів. Я сказала, що подумаю, але в голові хаос — я не вірю йому і не хочу підпускати до сина. Можливо, це моя кара? Покарання за те, що забрала його у першої дружини? Я серйозно думаю переїхати в інше місто, аби захистити нас від минулого, яке знову стукає в мої двері.

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