З життя
«ДНК-тест розкрив таємницю усиновлення: чому я стала винною?»
Сьогодні я згадала той страшний день, кого все виявилося брехнею. А тепер я залишилася крайньою…
Хто б міг подумати, що в нашій зовнішньо спокійній родині ховається така таємниця. І найбільше болить те, що коли цей «скелет» вилізає із шафи, відповідають за нього ті, хто й не знав нічого. Так сталося й зі мною.
Все почалося за тиждень до Різдва, коли ми з чоловіком вирішили поїхати до його батьків на вечерю — просто посидіти разом. Раптом у Ярослава з’явилася ідея подарути батькам ДНК-тест. Ну, як забавку, щоб дізнатися про своє коріння. Зараз це модно, нічого страшного.
Але лиша ми заговорили про це, обличчя свекрухи зблідло. Вона відвела мене на кухню і, нервово закручуючи кінчик фартуха, попросила не дарувати тест. Я спитала чому. Спочатку вона вагалася, а потім вимовила: «Він усиновлений…»
Ніби відерко крижаної води вилили мені на голову. Мій чоловік, якому вже 23 роки, виявився не рідним сином своїх батьків. Його взяли з дитбудинку, коли він був немаллям. У нього є брат і сестра — рідні діти свекрухи, а він… наче зайвинький. Але найдивовижніше — вона запевняла, що любила його не менше, може, навіть більше. «Він — мій син, хай я його не народила, але я б за нього крізь вогонь пішла!» — скрикнула вона зі сльозами.
Я запитала: «Чому не сказати йому правду? Чому стільки років мовчали?» А вона лише зітхнула: «Боялися, що почуватиметься чужим. Та ж нічого б не змінилося…»
А потім раптом додала: «Раз ти вже знаєш… Може, ти йому розкажеш?» У мене перехопило дух. Тобто тепер я маю взяти на себе цей тягар і зруйнувати його уявлення про власне життя? Вона казала, що він мене так любить, що легше прийме це від мене. Мовляв, я зможу його підтримати, і він мені штулдшеш простить. Але я відмовилася. Сказала прямо: «Це ваша правда. Ви мали розповісти самі — ще тоді, коли він був дитиною. Не перекладайте це на мене». Ми замовкли. Розірвався у кухню батько чоловіка та сам Ярослав.
Минув місяць. Ярослав все ж таки зробив ДНК-тест — собі в подарунок. Через два місяці надійшли результати. І правда випливла. Його ДНК не співпало з аналізами брата та сестри. Він був у шоці. Довго говорив із родичами, вимагав пояснень. Але замість правди — мовчання, викручування, напівправда. Його світ розсипався. Врешті він просто перестав з ними спілкуватися. Повністю. Рік — тиша.
А потім дзвонить свекруха. Голос звиньлваючий, обурений: «Це все через тебе! Ти мала сказати! Ти ж знала!» У мене тоді все всередині обірвалося. Чому я? Я ж просила її — скажи самій, розкажи по-людськи. У тебе було двадцять три роки. Чому тепер я винна?
Я переживала, звичайно. Дуже сподівалася, що він їх пробачить. Я не хотіла, щоб він жив із цим тягарем. Але я ні в чому не винна. Це не моя брехня. Це не я мовчала майже чверть століття.
Зараз Ярослав все частіше згадує про усиновлення. І я його підтримую. Він мріє стати тим батьком, якого в нього не було — чесним, люблячим, щвослдним. Він каже, що не буде приховувати від дитини правду, бо ніхто не має рости у брехні.
І я вірю, що в нього вийде. Він буде найкращим батьком. Бо знає, як це — жити в родині, де тобі не сказали найголовнішого…
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