I’m 26 Years Old and My Wife Says I Have a Problem That I Refuse to Admit

Im twenty-six, and my wife reckons Ive got a problem that I refuse to face up to. She brings it up every single time I quit a job or get the sack. She says its not normal that the longest Ive managed to stick at a job has been six months. And, honestly, shes got a point. Sometimes I last about a month, sometimes just a fortnight, and a few times Ive not even made it to the end of my probation.

Ive tried all sorts maintenance work, cleaning, sweeping the streets, scrubbing public toilets, lugging stock in warehouses. At first, I always start out keen, keen to prove myself, but after a handful of days the weight sets in in my body and in my mind.

Its not just exhaustion, though. I feel ashamed. I only finished up to Year 11. I never went back for my A-levels. Every time I start a job like that, if they hand me a high-vis vest, a broom, or a mop, I get this feeling that I dont belong. I watch my colleagues resigned, just getting on and not grumbling and deep down I tell myself this cant be what my lifes meant to be. So I start showing up late, slacking off, coming up with excuses to skip shifts. Then one day, someone calls me into the office and tells me not to come back.

My wife cant make sense of it. Shes worked in a shop for four years now. The pays not much, but its steady. She knows exactly how much shell get in her wages at the end of each month. When I turn up again having lost another job, she looks at me with frustration and exhaustion. She says, Its not the work, its you. You cant stick anything out. I always tell her that these jobs arent right for me, that Im meant for something else, that I wasnt born to spend my life cleaning toilets.

That winds her up even more. She tells me to finish school, to learn something, get a qualification. Says no one will trust me with something else if I havent even got a diploma. I promise her Ill do it, but the months roll on and I never sign up for any courses. Theres always an excuse not enough money, not enough time, Ill sort it out later. If Im being honest, I am scared to go back as an adult, to sit beside younger people, to feel left behind.

At home its become a routine. We argue about the same old thing. She tells me I live in dreams, I talk nicely but do nothing. I fire back that shes become resigned, shes learnt to just survive instead of really living. Sometimes we shout at each other. Sometimes we barely speak for days. I head out again, CV folded in my pocket, looking for work and come back dejected when I hear, Well be in touch.

Worst part is, I do dream. I dream of having something of my own, not relying on anyone, not being embarrassed about my uniform. I dream of getting up early for something that belongs to me, not just to take orders. But dreaming doesnt pay rent or buy food. She reminds me of that every single day.

Is there really something wrong with me that Im ignoring, or do I just have the right to hope for something better?