Hello, Svetlana! Sorry to bother you—I’m your neighbour from the flat downstairs.

– Hello! Sorry to bother you, Im your downstairs neighbour.
– Oh, Ill turn the music down, no worries, – said the young woman in a light dressing gown, holding a glass of wine.
– No, no, its not about that at all. My husbands work phonedthey need him to come in immediately.
– Is everything all right? Is it a health thing?
– They didnt say specifically. Just that its urgent. My mum lives too far away for me to get there in time. I hate to ask, but could you keep an eye on my son? Hes seven and a halfhe can technically be on his own, but Id worry myself sick. Im all a bit of a jittery wreck as it is
– Of course. Ill just change and pop down.
– Hes a good lad, reallyeither glued to his tablet or asking questions!

***
The young woman, now in a white vest and jeans, sat at the kitchen table with a cuppa, chatting away on the phone.
– Honestly, that Sarah Smith from Accounts is such a muppet. You cant miss the way she flirts with Peter.
Just then, a boy wandered into the kitchen holding a tablet. From his tablet came the sound of Jamie and Adam from MythBusters bickering away. On his t-shirt was written: Robots are the Future!
– Oh, hang on, Ill call you backdoing a bit of charity work, yeah. – She hung up and smiled at the boy. – Hi, Im Auntie Kate. Fancy a cuppa?
– No, thanks. Im Kieran. Mum told me. And youre very pretty Although Mum says all pretty women are unhappy. Dad told her, based on that logic, shes either ugly, or their marriage is a disaster.
– Youve got some comedians for parents. Thanks for the pretty bit. The unhappy well.
– Wheres your husband?
– Oh, lets just say off to the shops! About three years ago.
– Ah, I see! He left you!
– You know, have you got anything stronger than tea in this house? With this sort of chat, I could do with it
– Theres some wine in the fridge, I think.
– Thanks, but tea will do. Im a guest, after all.
– Auntie Kate, you need a new husband.
– Kieran, Ill wait til youre old enough. Honestly, where do you find these men
– What are you looking for, then? I saw this programmethey said you have to picture exactly what you want.
– Send me the link. Well, someone rich, good-looking, kind. Whod love me and keep me in the lifestyle Id like
– And why would he want you?
– Sorry, what?
– I mean, why? Youd love him and go to the spa? But whats in it for him? If hes smart, hell want a partner, not a freeloader knocking about his flat
– Where did you say the wine was? – She opened the fridge, poured out her tea, and filled her mug with wine instead.
– I watched this thing about the wives of millionairesapparently, theyre all drunks. Rattling around in big houses drinking themselves stupid.
– Ah, love, thats called loneliness. Fancy sharing a glass? Only joking!
– Do you know who Im going to marry?
– Ive told you, me!
– Seriously.
– Go on, then.
– Annie. Were in robotics club together. Shes smarter than me. One time, we were at this tournament and had two modules linked by Bluetooth, but the connection wouldnt work. I panickedour robot wasnt working at all. Annie stayed all calm and started reconnecting everything. There were ten devices in rangephones, laptopsbut not our module. So she says, Lets go outside. We run into the little woods nearbyno signals there, and right away, the modules found each other. We came back, and we won first place. Shes my team. I trust her! Proper reason to love someone, isnt it?
Kate downed her mug of wine in one and poured herself another.
– Annies stitched me upsnatched away a proper good catch. Are you saying I should look for a bloke at work, then?
– The strong onestheyll find you! Why hunt for blokesits not like theyre tomatoes in Sainsburys.
– You what, Freud? Dont get it.
– Just be the rich, pretty, kind one yourself! Simple.
– And why would I need anyone then? Id go travelling, take up salsa, sign up for cookery classes, get fluent in Spanish. Id learn to make tacos!
– So whats stopping you now?
– Havent got a husband to pay for all that!
– See! Total freeloader. A proper parasite.
– All right, enough cheek! I just want some normal happinessnothing wild.
– Maybe watch fewer romcoms. Youll spend your whole life chasing after a perfect idiot who doesnt exist, instead of actually living.
– Shut up! What do you know anyway? Off to your room! Smart Alecgo on, bedtime for you!
The boy vanished. Kate started to cry quietly as she sipped her wine. Her phone rang; she ignored it. Then the front door openeda couple came in, both a bit tipsy and beaming with joy.
– Kate, thank you so much for looking after him! – sang the neighbour.
– No problemits just your wine might be a bit lower than before.
– Oh, thats fine.
– Looks like everythings all right, then?
– Oh! It was just a wind-up by his mates! Lads are idiots. Its our anniversarythe first kiss. I rocked up to his office, and hes lying on the floor with a note on his chest: Im Sleeping Beauty. Kiss me! We grabbed a bottle of wine and headed to the cinema, just like when we were students.
– What, did you all have a plan to wind me up tonight? Id better get going!
– How was Kieran? – his mum asked as Kate headed to the door.
– Honestly? Terrible. Can I come round more often and try to knock a bit of sense into him?