З життя
How Basil Found a Woman Who Didn’t Cost Him a Penny. But He Wasn’t Happy About It.
**Diary Entry 10th March**
Ive had enough of dating appswasting hours trying to impress women, typing out empty small talk, pretending to care about their tedious problems. If only there were a way to skip all that, Id be grateful. No effort, no forced jokes from *Mens Health*, no pretending to be clever.
“Possible,” said the figure, a shifting mass of grey smoke. “You summoned me, after all. Might as well get your moneys worth.”
“Good. And I dont want to spend a penny on hernot a single quid. No coffee dates, no buying her cakes, no dressing up or sucking in my gut. She should just take me straight home.”
The smoke-creature scribbled in a phantom notepad, nodding like an obliging waiter. “Anything else?”
“Of course, no demandsno iPhones, no jewellery, no nonsense. Pure, selfless love, like those European women. Abroad, men lounge about while their wives work, and no one bats an eye. Here, theyd call you a kept man before you could blink. I wont have it.”
“Consider it done,” it shrugged. “But youre holding back, Nigel. You could ask for morewomen like that exist without magic.”
“Fine. Shed better be domesticcooking, cleaning, fussing over me without expecting a thing in return. No nagging, just affection. And absolutely no children. Everyone knows women want themI dont.”
The smoke-creature sighed. “Bold choices. What about looks? You could settle for plain and middle-aged, but I suppose youd prefer a university girl?”
“Yes, exactly!” Nigel nearly jumped. Tall, beautiful, flawless skin, soft-heartednot like these modern girls, all sharp edges and entitlement.
The creatures grin flickeredif smoke could grin. Nigel barely noticed. Soon, shed find him, take him home, and
He woke in the snow behind a skip, ribs throbbing. A sausage wrapper and fish bones lay beside him. The world loomed too large, too strange. Then, laughterlight, girlish.
“Look, Emily! Poor little thingmustve been attacked! Ill take him home, nurse him back to health!”
“Youre too soft,” scoffed another voice. “What if he yowls all night? Starts chasing after strays?”
“He wont.” Delicate hands scooped him up. Nigel tried to shoutonly a pitiful mewl escaped.
**Lesson:** Be careful what you wish for. Theres no such thing as love without effortonly the illusion of it, and thats far worse.
This Morning, My Wife Announced We’re Expecting Our Fourth Child—And Then She Added:
That morning, my wife told me we were going to have our fourth child. She added, We cant afford to...
Everyone Helps Out, But You’re Truly One of a Kind
Everyone helps out, but youre just special, arent you? Ellen, listen, could you come over today, maybe? her sister asked...
Husband for the Weekend
A Weekend Husband The fishcake was lying right in the middle of the plate, surrounded by emptiness, like a miniature...
“But We’re Still Family,” Said My Brothers and Sisters on the Day We Said Goodbye to Mum at the Cemetery
But were family, said my brothers and sisters, on the day we bid farewell to Mum at the churchyard. The...
My Son Hadn’t Called in Three Months. I Thought He Was Just Busy With Work. I Finally Showed Up at His Place Unannounced—A Stranger Opened the Door and Told Me She’d Been Living There for Six Months
My son hadnt called in three months. I kept telling myself he was probably just busy with work. In the...
New Year’s Eve Started Off Dull—Until a Mysterious Woman Took a Seat at Their Table
New Years Eve begins quietly, until a stranger takes a seat at their table Grace rushes out of her flat...
The Foundling
Stray Hello? Anyone home? Helen kicked off her sandals with a contented hum. They were beautiful, no doubt there, but...
Wealthy Father Insults an ‘Ordinary’ Mum at Prestigious British School, Unaware of Her True Identity
Never judge a book by its cover thats a lesson one arrogant father is learning the hard way. **Scene 1:...