I’m at a Loss: My Son Always Takes His Wife’s Side, Even When She’s in the Wrong

I cannot think what to do any longer. My son always sides with his wife even when she is plainly wrong.

I’m at my wit’s end, says Lydia Anderson, now sixty, her voice trembling with tears. My son, Michael, absolutely, without exception, defends his wife. Whatever happens, whatever I say, he merely waves his hand and says, Mum, dont worry, Emma will sort it herself. Shes not foolish. He always finds an excuse for her, even when she is obviously in the wrong.

Emma, Lydias daughterinlaw, is only twentyeight. She and Michael have a oneandahalfyearold son and live in a modest flat in Manchester that they bought on a mortgage. Emma is on maternity leave; Michael is the sole breadwinner. They live, as the saying goes, within their means careful, without extravagance, but never in need.

For the motherinlaw, however, Emma is unbearable.

When Michael first brought her home, I was stunned, Lydia recalls. Long, fake nails, a tattoo on her neck, a short skirt, skyhigh heels as if she were heading for a runway. And those glossy lips it was obvious shed had them done. I thought he must be joking. How could my son seriously be seeing someone so frivolous, to put it mildly?

A month later they were married. By all accounts, even the wedding showed Emma in a daring way leather skirt, sparkling top, makeup like a stage performer. Yet Michael was happy, and Lydia decided to keep her mouth shut, to stay out of it.

At first she hardly spoke to her daughterinlaw, only calling Michael a couple of times a month to ask how things were. Everything changed a year and a half ago when Emma gave birth to a grandson, little Paul.

I turned up on the second day after they left the hospital, she says. Emma had a fresh manicure. I told her, Emma, have you lost your mind? Thats dangerous for a baby! She answered, Everythings under control, Ill manage. I went to Michael and he said, Mum, dont meddle. This isnt your business. And thats how it always went. Whatever I said, the reply was, Dont interfere.

Lydia remembers trying to raise her daughterinlaw with advice, remarks, reproaches. All she received was indifference. Emma was not the sort to justify herself.

I would visit, see the house in disarray, and say, Emma, make a soup for the boy. Michael works. Shed retort, But Michael doesnt eat soup. How could he not? He ate it before! She was simply too lazy. If she cooked properly, he would have both soup and borscht.

Lydia tried to speak with her son, but Michael invariably rose to protect his wife.

Mum, stop nagging. Everythings fine. Emma is a good mother.

Good? Lydia exclaims. She never puts the phone down! I havent seen her without a gadget for ages. Shes scrolling through Instagram even when the child is in the room.

The final straw came on a playground.

I knocked, but only silence. I thought perhaps they were out. I went to the little park by the house and saw Paul digging in the sandbox while Emma sat on a bench, eyes glued to her phone. I went closer and saw the boy standing by the fence. Suddenly he ran to me, grinned, and shouted, Grandma! Emma didnt even turn. He darted onto the road! Its a quiet street, but accidents can happen.

Thank heavens, she says, voice shaking, there was no car at that moment. I grabbed Paul and ran to Emma, who sat as if in a trance. I told her, If you dont put that phone away right now Ill smash it on the pavement! Are you a mother or what?

Emma sprang up, snatched Paul, and fled. The child sobbed, reaching for me, but she slammed the door shut and never opened it again.

I called Michael, told him everything as it happened, Lydia continues. He said, Mum, youve gone too far. Calm down. Emma can handle it. How could he say that? I saw it all with my own eyes! He doesnt believe me. Now neither of them speaks to me. They ignore my calls, the door stays closed. A month has passed. I have no idea what she has whispered to him, but I only want my grandson safe.

Lydia wonders: Perhaps Michael is right? Maybe I should have stayed silent? But I cannot stay silent when a childs safety is at stake. I am a mother, a grandmother.

Now she is a solitary woman with a dead phone, and the son she raised has taken his wifes side forever.