I Never Loved My Wife and I Always Told Her So: It’s Not Her Fault — We Get Along Just Fine

I Never Loved My Wife and Always Told Her So: Its Not Her Fault We Got On Just Fine

I never loved my wife, and Ive told her as much more times than I care to admit. It wasnt her faultwe got on reasonably well.

My name is Edward Whitmore, and I live in Winchester, where the ghosts of hard times still linger in the cobbled streets. I never loved my wife, Eleanor, and Ive said it to her like a bitter pill I could barely swallow. She didnt deserve itnever made a fuss, never scolded me, always kind, always thoughtful, practically a saint. And yet, my heart stayed cold, like the Thames in January. There was no love, and it gnawed at me.

Every morning, I woke with the same thought: leave. I dreamed of a woman whod set me ablaze, whod leave me breathless. But fate played a nasty trick and turned everything upside down, leaving me lost. Eleanor was comfortable as an old armchair. She kept the house spotless, turned heads wherever she went, and mates would nudge me, saying, Whered you find her, you lucky sod? Frankly, I hadnt a clue why I deserved her loyalty. An ordinary bloke, nothing special, yet she loved me as if I hung the moon. How was that fair?

Her love smothered me. Worse still was the thought that if I left, someone else would snap her up. Someone more successful, better-looking, richersomeone whod appreciate what I couldnt. Imagining her in another mans arms filled me with a stupid, blind rage. She was mineeven if Id never loved her. That possessiveness was stronger than sense. But can you spend a lifetime beside someone who doesnt make your heart race? I thought I could, but I was wronga storm was brewing inside me, and I couldnt keep it down.

Ill tell her tomorrow, I decided as I lay in bed. Come morning, over a cuppa at breakfast, I scraped together what little courage I had. Eleanor, sit down. We need to talk, I began, meeting her calm gaze. Of course, darling. Whats the matter? she replied, as gentle as ever. Suppose we divorced. I move out, we go our separate ways She laughed, as if Id cracked a joke. What a strange thought! Is this some game? Listen, Im serious, I cut in. Alright, fine. And then what? she asked, still smiling. Tell me honestlywould you find someone else if I left? She went still. Edward, whats got into you? Why even ask that? Concern crept into her voice. Because I dont love you. Never have, I blurted, like a hammer blow.

Eleanor paled. What? Are you joking? I dont understand. I want to leave, but the idea of you with another man drives me mad, I said, my voice shaking. She was quiet, then answered softly, I wont find anyone better than you, dont worry. Go if you must. Ill stay alone. Promise? I stammered without thinking. Of course, she nodded, watching me. Waitbut where would I go? I hesitated. Youve nowhere to stay? she asked, surprised. No, weve always been together. Seems Ill have to stick around, I muttered, feeling the ground vanish beneath me. Dont fret, Eleanor said. After the divorce, well sell this place and buy two smaller ones. Really? I didnt expect you to be so helpful. Why? I asked, stunned. Because I love you. When you love someone, you dont keep them trapped. Her words felt like a verdict.

Months passed. We divorced. Then the rumours reached me: Eleanor had lied. Shed found someone elsetall, confident, with a grin that could charm birds from trees. The flat shed inherited from her gran? Didnt even cross her mind to split it. I was left with nothingno home, no family, no faith in people. The betrayal cut deep, and to this day, I hear her voice: Ill stay alone. A lie. Cold, calculated, and Id fallen for it like a proper fool.

How can I trust women now? No idea. Life with her was comfortable but hollow, and now I dont even have that. Im in a rented room, staring at the wall, replaying that conversation. Her calmness, her wordsall a mask. My mates say, Your fault, Edward. What did you expect? And theyre right. I didnt love her, but I wanted to keep her chained to me like some prized possession. And now shes gone, leaving me in the very loneliness I feared. Maybe thats my penancefor the coldness, the selfishness, for not cherishing her heart. Now its just me, and the silence hurts more than her leaving. What do they think of me? Honestly, I dont know whos the bigger foolher or me.